Thursday, January 1, 2009

Welcome 2009

I remember the start of 2008 so well, it seems like only weeks have passed instead of a whole year. 2008 was to be our year of nothing. ‘03 we moved in together and Steve’s college graduation, ‘04 we got engaged and my college graduation, ‘05 we bought a house, ‘06 we were married and pregnant, ‘07 brought the birth of our first child... 2008 was to be just us. Originally we weren’t planning on TTC until now - January 2009 - so there wasn’t to be any pregnancies, births, marriages, etc. And I was so looking forward to that... A year to just be. I was fine having a year of no big announcements, no huge happenings... The past five years had so much going on I forgot what it was like to have just a regular year. I was excited about this. While I wasn’t expecting and was in fact counting on having nothing big and exciting to write in the “what great happened in 2008” box, I wasn’t expecting to have to much to write in the crapfest of ‘08 section.

Our crapfest, as previously and so eloquently stated, started out in February with the trigger of events that lead to the starting of this blog - Getting sick, emergency surgery, and for the first few months following, while unaware of what had been set off, the worst of it was just the medical bills (we still haven’t been billed on the big one, btw). Beyond the medical bills I saw the surgery as a great thing, and in one respect it was. For seven years I dealt with that terrible pain on and off and people thinking I was just over exaggerating or making things up. And since my surgery I have been completely free of that terrible pain.

Of course then the months passed and periods did not, we moved up TTC just to find out it wasn’t going to happen again for us on our own, PCOS, infertility, and then the icing on the cake - losing our infertility insurance coverage completely.

Then there were little things - house repairs, the economy, minor (but expensive) things that added up.

Beyond that, I did get my quiet year so I suppose I can’t complain too much. My son, my husband, my family were all healthy. I didn’t lose anyone close to me and I did have a great year with Caden. Swimming lessons, trips to the zoo, pumpkin patch, playing in the back yard... Those things were all great and beyond the infertility, bills, medications and doctor appointments, 2008 really is filled with many smiles and happy memories and for that I am truly grateful.

I suppose I’m just feeling a tad bit negative this morning. I’m on CD 19 and no sign of ovulation. While I’m aware it could still happen my original thoughts of this cycle being a bust seem to be holding true. It doesn’t help that yesterday I was on day two of a nice temp rise and my breasts hurt - At first I thought no way but then I did get my hopes up that I might have actually ovulated. I didn’t. I was so excited at the prospect of actually being able to decide when to test instead of deciding when to start Provera, but that isn’t the case. And I’m left to sit here thinking that the metformin isn’t going to work. The clomid isn’t going to work. We’re never going to have another child. I truly hope such isn’t the case and I hope to get out of this funk soon - I think I would have been fine had not been for the thoughts that I may have actually ovulated. My thinking right now is to give it another 2 weeks and start Provera. When I go in on February 4th it will still be early in my cycle so I won’t be starting clomid until March. I’ve debated just holding off on Provera so that I can start clomid next cycle, but 2 cycles on metformin would probably be best. I think I’ll put a call into my doctor in a week or two as I need to have her fix my met rx anyway.

So yes - Welcome 2009. I have many hopes for what you may bring. While I wished for quiet last year, I pray for big this year - for announcements, for a pregnancy, for our second child. Please...

1 comments:

Aramelle said...

I hope that 2009 is the year for you!

 

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