tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57207632159186429242024-02-20T08:52:26.026-06:00Trying for TwoAnticipating the arrival of our 2nd child
after secondary infertility due to PCOSAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12518221432395823205noreply@blogger.comBlogger84125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-33862640510330006422014-12-08T23:19:00.000-06:002014-12-08T23:40:45.132-06:00Remembering It took an hour but I finally gained access to my blog again. Of course in the process I have now all sorts of screwed up access to my email in addition to now having a google plus page (which I have diligently avoided as my current social media foot print is more than enough). And this is reporting to a long dead email address. Which apparently I cannot change. This is ridiculous. <br />
<br />
Life has been busy to say the least. But now I have encountered some down time and in reading my previous blog posts I realized how much I missed this. And I want to attempt to come back to it, even if ever briefly.<br />
<br />
The short of a very long story spanning the past few years is that the boys are doing wonderful. Parker will be 5 next month and Caden will be 8. They are in preschool and 2nd grade. No big moves, no big news, just lots of fun times with them, work, and life.<br />
<br />
Most of all is the ever growing realization of just how fast these years pass. How quickly those boys grow. And while I might not be able to catalog it as I was tried, ever planed, and always hoped - even an update every several years would be nice.<br />
<br />
Here is to trying - writing - and in the short term trying to untangle the massive mess I've made of my google accounts.<br />
<br />
Update: Sorted out the email and google account mess, apparently I have a google profile complete with a circle. I suppose the time is now to figure out that. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-15930785161734335672012-02-18T08:17:00.003-06:002012-02-18T08:53:18.234-06:00InceptionWell its been a long time since I updated here. I used to love to write - one aspect that has been lost of the years.<br /><br />I could fill a whole blog with what has happened since I last updated, but living in the past is one thing I'm not willing to do anymore. So here is the basic run down:<br />The boys are great. Parker turned 2 last month and Caden turned 5. They are both doing amazing. Parker gets into everything and I can honestly say I have never imagined to have my hands so full with something so small. He is adorable and sweet and so loving and is currently twirling in large circles with purple marker all over his hands and face. I have yet to located the purple marker. Caden is so funny and so fun and you never know what he might say next. Love it.<br />We moved. Its a long complicated story but we love the house we're in and the boys do, too, but the neighborhood is remote and wooded and the critters and coyotes annoy me to no end. But watching the bald eagles fly outside our window is amazing.<br />We've gone to Disney world, twice.<br />We've had tragedy and triumphs. Unfortunately facing a tragedy within my own family now. Maybe its an explanation for my recent behavior, withdrawal. Maybe I just really needed this.<br />I started my own legitimate, successful business last year. Its nothing big or grand and probably never will be, that wasn't the intention. But its mine - and the first thing I've done by myself for myself in a long time. And its doing better than I ever expected.<br /><br />I've been thinking a lot lately. About so many things. About who I was, who I thought I was, who I am, who I thought I am, and who I want to be. In an old blog of mine somewhere, I do not believe I merged it with this one, I remember writing a post even before the wedding. About how I would never lose sight of myself in all of it it, in marriage, children, family. But I did. Oh did I. In a way I think its inevitable. And I don't regret making my children my life - until the day I die they always will be. But that doesn't mean I have to lose myself. That doesn't mean I don't have to be my own person. And realizing that? It is empowering.<br /><br />If you believe the Ancient Mayans, 2012 is to be a year of change, new beginnings (or the end of days if you're into that sort of thing and never listed to what the calendar really is, but I'm not). I definitely feel change. I'm remembering who I am. And that doesn't mean I'm focusing any less on my children, just the opposite actually. But this is a new beginning for me.<br /><br />I'm also coming to terms with something I was told over 5 years ago. Something I've ignored for 5 years. And its scary, but it helps. And I think I am finally ready to start going in for the testing on my kidneys that I've been supposed to be doing for years.<br /><br />In true fashion this post is all over the map so I guess we'll just leave it at that. I've been meaning to update this blog for some time (Finally did, R!). So there it is.<br /><br />And I'll end this with one more note - be careful what you put out there. I started this blog to work through emotions, feelings, to reach out and gain support from a community of women in similar places, and to update family. But at the end of the day, years later, you never know what little simple thing may lead someone here, someone you didn't intend. And adversely you never know what little, simple thing, may lead you somewhere you never thought you'd be. Maybe for the worse. Maybe for the better. Go with it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-44675230962300310422010-06-19T10:31:00.006-05:002012-04-18T13:43:02.599-05:005 beautiful months<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzjAPqUgQI/AAAAAAAAARk/CoFtpWy8o2k/s1600/4a718caa.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzjAPqUgQI/AAAAAAAAARk/CoFtpWy8o2k/s320/4a718caa.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484508039573963010" border="0" /></a>Just as I had intended to journal my pregnancy I’ve failed at journaling the past five months. There are just not enough hours in the day it seems and while I do kick myself for not writing more, I’m also happy to say we’ve been living a full, busy life and these to boys of mine keep me on my toes.<br /><br />Parker is over 5 months old now. Where has the time gone? I cannot believe in just a few short weeks we’ll hit the 6 month mark - half way through the first year. I’m so excited to watch him grow, to see who he becomes. But I’m sad at the thought that with that I'll be losing my baby. I look at photos of Caden from 3 years ago and its like a different person - Caden the sweet little happy, pudgy, always smiling baby is such a different person than Caden the always on the go, rambunctious, but still sweet and happy little boy. I can’t even really call Caden a toddler anymore - even looking at our family/maternity photos from October shock me to see how much he has grown. And I know that I’m going to blink and 3 year will have passed and Parker will be where Caden is and Caden will be 6 - I try so hard to remember it all, to get it all down, and maybe that’s why I love scrapping so much.<br /><br /><br />………..<br /><br />Parker is amazing. He has been everything I’ve ever dreamed for all those months trying, for all those months pregnant. I hold him and still can’t get over the fact that he is here, that he is mine.<br />He is such a smiley baby. Parker first started smiling at us at just 2.5 weeks old. My first thought was that it was too early but there is truly no mistaking who his sweet, gummy grins are intended for. Every morning since has brought me those big, beautifully,grins and a bad morning can never be had when greeted by that. He is a very vocal baby, too - he has been talking to us since he was about a month and he loves to go on and on. I love when we go anywhere and he just sits in his car seat in the backseat and goes on and on stopping only to blow a raspberry or two.<br /><br />I’ve loved breastfeeding Parker these past 5+ months. From the first moment I put him to my breast, Parker has had a text book perfect latch. I love watching him nurse and after having no photos of Caden nursing, we’ve made sure to take plenty of Parker. It’s a beautiful relationship. Parker has always been eager about eating, too, shaking his head and latching on with enthusiasm as a newborn, and he still has enthusiasm when it comes time to eat. He loves to hold my finger while he is eating and to pop off for the occasional glance up and big smile.<br /><br />Parker is developing beautifully, he laughs, rolls, scoots… he started rolling when he was between 2 and 3 months and rolls both ways with ease. He is starting to sit up a little bit and can do so unsupported for a few seconds at a time - then something usually catches his eye and over he goes. He can sit up with his base supported for quite some time. He loves to jump in his jumperoo and play with the elephant the Easter bunny brought him. He isn’t crawling but he is definitely mobile and rolls and scoots to where he needs to go.<br /><br />Parker is without a doubt a Momma’s boy. When Momma is around that’s usually all he wants though he does tolerate others for a short time. He even started reaching for me about a month ago. While it would be nice to give my arms a break sometimes, or eat with both hands… I love when those sweet little arms reach out to me. And I don’t like him being passed around large crowds, so its nice that within minutes he is usually back in my arms where he belongs. We baby wear and that has worked out beautifully for us as well. Parker loves snuggling in the sling and the beco.<br />As much as he loves his Momma, Parker is also over the moon about his Daddy and big brother, too. He is always interested in what his big brother is doing and is always looking to his Daddy with big gummy grins. Those grins make our world turn and Parker loves to share them with us.<br /><br />He has grown so much in these 5 months, we have all grown as a family. He is just beautiful. Every month on the 11th I take a quick photo, and <a href="http://acceptingmyreality.blogspot.com/2010/06/watch-me-grow.html">those can be found here</a>.<br /><br />…….<br /><br />Caden is doing great! He loves his role as a big brother and truly loves Parker, and Parker loves him. I remember when we were in the hospital there were times that Parker was only happy if he was being snuggled by his big brother, and there were times when Caden was hurting or upset and just wanted to snuggle his little buddy. Caden is recovering nicely from the surgeries - the scars will always remain but he has fully recovered otherwise. It amazing watching him these days - he is learning and changing before our eyes but even as he gets bigger and becomes more independent he is still our sweet little boy who loves snuggles in the morning, kisses all day long, and really is all of our dreams realized. Both of our boys are. I am unbelievably blessed.<br /><br />Life with two has been easier than I expected and we transitioned easily from the start. Challenges have still presented themselves, but I couldn’t have hoped for things to go better than they have. Even so there are times I feel guilty I don’t have all the time I once did for Caden, and there are times I feel guilty that Parker will never have the one on one time that Caden did for all those years. But there isn’t a whole lot anyone can do about that - its just the logistics beyond the first. But in trade off, Parker benefits from having a big brother who things the world of him, to learn from, to love and be loved by.<br />Caden hasn’t had much one on one time with Steve and I since the baby has been born so we’re taking him out for a night just him. My mother-in-law is watching Parker for a few hours so we can take Caden out to Dinner and to see Toy Story 3 - and possibly a surprise along the way.<br /><br />………..<br /><br />In other family happenings, we’ve decided to take the boys to Disney World in September and are so unbelievably excited about this. While we’re aware that obviously Parker isn’t going to remember or get much out of this, it will be fun for us, memories, and Caden will. And after the March we had, I think we all deserve a little Disney Magic. We were hoping to do a vacation around fall when Parker was first born - When Caden was 10mo we went on a cruise and it was so, so easy to travel with a baby. Those plans were put on hold when the medical bills started rolling in but eventually things fell into place and as I’ve learned tomorrow isn’t promised, my children will only be this little for so long, so go to Disney today. And yes, we will go back again when the kids are older so it isn’t like this is a once in a lifetime thing for them. This will be all my boys, Steve included, first trip to the world. This will be my 5th but its been over 10 years since I’ve last been - and I can’t wait.<br /><br />I apologize this post is all over the place but between 2 boys and the dog getting a full thought out is an accomplishment in itself. Plus there is so much to say and such limited time to say it. As always I hope to start writing more as so many thing touched on here are topics in themselves, but for now I'll go snuggle my sweet little boys, and end with this.....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzjLsS23_I/AAAAAAAAARs/4jCCJBK9boc/s1600/DSC_0032.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzjLsS23_I/AAAAAAAAARs/4jCCJBK9boc/s320/DSC_0032.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484508236238741490" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzjd4YS2dI/AAAAAAAAAR0/NNHqK7PqTMk/s1600/DSC_0304.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzjd4YS2dI/AAAAAAAAAR0/NNHqK7PqTMk/s320/DSC_0304.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484508548720417234" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzjssFWt7I/AAAAAAAAAR8/7vfT2DrPfW8/s1600/DSC_0313.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 212px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzjssFWt7I/AAAAAAAAAR8/7vfT2DrPfW8/s320/DSC_0313.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484508803117791154" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-64647798219224920202010-06-19T10:20:00.009-05:002010-06-19T10:30:57.671-05:00Watch Me Grow!<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Birth</span></span><br /><a href="http://acceptingmyreality.blogspot.com/2010/01/parker-andrew-newborn-portraits-january.html">Newborn portraits - 25 hours old</a><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">1 month</span></span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBziCu1j05I/AAAAAAAAARc/XrdmEKNxDmw/s1600/b4b233ae.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 241px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBziCu1j05I/AAAAAAAAARc/XrdmEKNxDmw/s320/b4b233ae.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484506982790714258" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">2 months</span></span><br /><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzh4JSHxkI/AAAAAAAAARU/zVsFtoXlrjY/s1600/ba22a773.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzh4JSHxkI/AAAAAAAAARU/zVsFtoXlrjY/s320/ba22a773.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484506800911271490" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >3 months</span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhwNiX1tI/AAAAAAAAARM/2GqV97tjlH4/s1600/218665dd.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhwNiX1tI/AAAAAAAAARM/2GqV97tjlH4/s320/218665dd.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484506664614221522" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhss462WI/AAAAAAAAARE/GimDiJj0BxI/s1600/88b09e51.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 316px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhss462WI/AAAAAAAAARE/GimDiJj0BxI/s320/88b09e51.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484506604310813026" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">4 months</span></span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhpkutxPI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/CtWy_UFNn7s/s1600/a2c1b75e.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhpkutxPI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/CtWy_UFNn7s/s320/a2c1b75e.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484506550580921586" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">5 months</span></span><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhlq9-KbI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/SVXP7H8HX_4/s1600/d2bd0213.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhlq9-KbI/AAAAAAAAAQ0/SVXP7H8HX_4/s320/d2bd0213.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484506483536046514" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhhucnX3I/AAAAAAAAAQs/rOTsCHmXqzo/s1600/ac670642.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzhhucnX3I/AAAAAAAAAQs/rOTsCHmXqzo/s320/ac670642.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484506415750406002" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-44083251845578895232010-04-12T13:12:00.006-05:002012-04-18T13:58:56.219-05:00The hardest partI’ve always wondered how they do it - the parents of sick and hurt kids, the guardians of tiny bodies undergoing big procedures, sitting by hospital beds and making huge decisions. I always wondered how they managed because I clearly couldn’t and was so grateful I didn’t know. And while it could have been much worse - now I do. The answer is you have no choice and try as you might to regain control, it all just spins wildly beyond your finger tips. And you just manage.<br />Its been a month since this all started, and tomorrow will mark 2 weeks since we were finally released after 3 hospitalizations and two surgeries and hopefully the end. When I first sat down to write this out, after we were released the very first time, I had so much to say. And I want to have everything down so I can explain to Caden when he gets older just how he got the scars that now litter his belly. Little did I know we were still facing a long road ahead of us and here is the short, but still very long version.<br /><br />Friday March 12th started out like any other day. I smiled at the routine we had established around here and in the morning Caden and I decided to make necklaces out of froot loops. We played and he went down for his nap and everything was as normal as it could be. Caden woke up from his nap and everything was still normal - he ate a granola bar and played with his toys while I put dinner in the oven. Shortly before 5:30pm I took Caden into his room to get him dressed so we could run to the store and as I buttoned his jeans he whined “Mommy, my belly hurts”. My first thought was that his pants must be too tight and we’d be heading into 5T sooner than expected but I checked and they seemed okay. He did, too, and ran out to the living room to play. I sat down to nurse Parker and Caden grabbed his belly suddenly again, “Mom, my belly!” and then seemed fine. Steve came home a few minutes later and I told him that Caden seemed to have a belly ache and then Caden cried out again. Caden is a tough little guy - of all the tumbles and bumps and bruises, and there have been some nasty ones, he has never even been one to cry so I knew something was wrong. He said it again and I could tell he was in pain - I told him to lay down but he just jumped around.. And then he was fine again. Steve thought maybe he was just really hungry, and he hadn’t ate much for lunch, so he dished out food. I hoped Steve was right but at this point I knew something was very wrong. We sat down and Caden refused to eat and said his belly hurt once more. At that point it was enough and with dinner still sitting on the kitchen table we threw the kids in the car and headed to the hospital. It had only been an hour since the first “my belly hurts” and the decision to run out the door and I knew - I knew it was something serious and I was confident he was going to need surgery. I didn’t know for what but I could tell by his cries that this wasn’t something that was going to go away.<br /><br />We checked into the ER and Caden was crying at this point saying over and over how his belly hurt and it was getting worse. I started shouting to get someone and do something as I tossed out his information and my ID - they had a nurse there right away and we were brought into a room. At that point Caden was screaming and rolling on the floor he was in so much pain and I just paced the room not being able to do anything for him - he didn’t want to be held, he didn’t want to sit down and there was nothing we could do. Each minute that passed I paced and panic welled up in my chest, begging for someone to realize that he wasn’t throwing a fit, that he was hurting. The minutes passed like hours until finally they got nurses and the doctor into our room. And then he started throwing up. At first I thought maybe the fact that he was crying so hard made him throw up… but then a few minutes later he started to throw up bile.<br /><br />I told the doctor of the nights event as quickly as possible while trying to comfort my little boy as he wiggled and cried out in pain. The doctor made mention of a possible<a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/intussusception/DS00798"> intussusception of the bowel</a> and I just begged them to help him. Nurses came and phones rang and I just looked for support where ever I could find it. I’m not a deeply religious person but I called out for prayers for him. Parker sat in his car seat staring out at the flurry of activity around us, quiet and calm, as Steve and I draped ourselves over our little boy to help multiple nurses hold him down for the IV. He screamed in pain from the needles, in pain from his stomach, in fear of it all. I placed my cheek to his and whispered to him, terrified but calm. They finally got the IV in his arm and he was so tense that it blew and we had to do it all again. Finally they got the IV in his hand and he was given Zofran for the vomiting and morphine for the pain. He finally had relief and fell asleep from the pure exhaustion of the past two hours.<br /><br />My mom came to help us after she had just got off a flight hours earlier from California. She came just as it was time to take Caden into ultrasound. She and I stayed by his side while Steve waited for us in the ER with Parker. I walked along side that big hospital bed carrying the exhausted body of my sweet little boy and I was numb. We went into a dark room and the tech would hardly even speak to me and I just wanted to know - please, please tell me if you see something, anything - a nod, wink, I won’t tell I promise. I could tell by her face she did, I could tell something was wrong. She left and got the radiologist who didn’t have the best bedside manner when dealing with distraught mothers but finally he spoke up. Caden did have intussusception of his bowel. There were xrays done and we were taken back to the ER room and I nursed Parker while we waited for the next step. Looking down at my sweet little baby as he nursed gave me peace if only for a few short moments.<br /><br />The doctors came back and told me they were going to do a barium enema on Caden and that often this resolved the intussusception in most cases but first they did a regular enema to try to clear him out to give the procedure the best chance of success. They gave us a percentage - was it 85%? 70? In the end it wouldn’t matter. My mom had taken sleeping pills before this all happened and tried to throw them up as she left to come but couldn’t. It was late and we told her it was okay to go home and my mother in law was on her way.<br /><br />People came back to the room, Steve stayed with Parker and I went with Caden again - I was alone now. First there were more xrays and then we were brought into another xray room for the procedure. Everything would be done under live xray so that the radiologist would see immediately if the procedure worked, or if there was a perforation of the bowel which was a risk. I maneuvered around the xray equipment and cradled his head the best I could and he was just so, so uncomfortable. I prayed, I begged and I pleaded to please, please let this work. But as the minutes passed and the conversations regarding what was happening went on I knew it didn’t.<br /><br />The intussusception was in Caden’s small bowel and the enema usually worked when it was in the large bowel, where intussusception most commonly occurs. Intussusception in a child Caden’s age was already rare enough, to now see it where it took place was even more so. The procedure failed and there was only one option left.<br /><br />Shortly after we were wheeled back into our ER room the surgeon arrived to talk to us. He took a detailed history of everything from Caden’s health (which wasn’t much, he has never even gone to the dr for anything other than well baby exams) to my pregnancy with him and aspects of my health history. And then in a blink of an eye we were winding our way back through the halls of the hospital and up to surgery.<br /><br />The time was 1am and we were the only ones there so we were allowed to stay with Caden while he was prepped. Everyone was so kind to us. The nurse, an older woman who would cross our paths once more, let Caden call her Grandma. All too soon the time came to say goodbye to my son. Every kiss I gave him led to one more, I didn’t want to let go, I wasn’t sure if he knew enough how much I loved him, but then I don’t think he’ll ever know just how much I do and that’s okay. When Caden was a baby every day I woke up I was always amazed that I loved him even more than the day before. And when I thought I couldn’t possibly love anyone or anything as much as I loved him, I’d wake up the next day.<br /><br />We were led to the waiting room and given warm blankets - everyone was cold but I was sweating. I paced the halls a few short minutes and then grabbed my keys and ran to the car. We only live 5 minutes from the hospital so I ran home to grab the things we’d need - Some extra diapers for the baby and his detachable bassinet top, Caden’s blanket, clean clothes and toiletries for us. I made my way through the halls of the empty hospital, twisting and winding past locked doors as I tried to make my way back to the ER. I ran into a nurse in the hallway who offered to escort me through all the locked points - She asked if it had been a long night and I made mention of my three year old son. “Oh, you’re Caden’s mom!”… everyone was already beginning to know who we were.<br /><br />The streets were empty and it was raining. I turned my stereo up as loud as I could manage in an attempt to try and drown out all the voices in my head. I raced around the house to gather what we needed, tossed everything in the car, and raced back. By the time I made it upstairs I had just missed the call saying surgery hard begun.<br /><br />We waited.<br /><br />The lights of the family waiting room had all been turned down, the large television hanging on the wall was off, rain fell quietly on the windows. No one walked by, no one was there. The ventilation system hummed and seemed to echo in the halls and we made small conversation. The phone rang again - they were just finishing up and someone would be out to talk to us soon.<br /><br />Doors opened and the surgeon walked out and smiled at us. I stared at him… at the man who just finished cutting into my child’s small body and I wondered, did he know? What did he feel and think as he did it? Did he know just how much that little boy meant to me? How special he was? How loved he was? Of course he could never fully know, but I prayed those thoughts crossed his mind.<br /><br />Caden had something called a <a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/931229-overview">meckel's diverticulum</a>. I could explain it but at this point it is easier to link, and that was the lead point that lead to the intussusception. The surgeon explained this to us down in the ER, that he had suspected it due to the location of the intussusception and Caden’s age and we were all relieved to find an answer, a reason… it was removed and thus the intussusception was less like to reoccur. They also removed Caden’s appendix since they were in the neighborhood I suppose is the best way of putting it.<br /><br />Before long we were beside caden’s bed again, walking through the locked doors of the pediatric unit and into his room, one we would know too well. MIL had gone home as it was 3am and she had work in the morning. I sat and watched my little boy sleep, I held his hand, I kissed his face. I went over papers and intake with the nurse, Amy. We had made the decision earlier that evening that it made the most sense for Steve to spend the night at the hospital with Caden and for me to go home with Parker since he needed me to eat and his own bed, but oh did it hurt to walk away. And for the next several nights it was our routine - I’d tuck Caden in and wait for him to fall asleep, sneak down the elevator and out the front doors of the hospital, get home in time to try to clean up some of the damage from running out so quickly that Friday night, do a bit of laundry, and try to sleep a few hours before getting back before the doctors made their rounds.<br />That night I got home at 4am. Parker slept peacefully while I started into the darkness - every word from multiple doctors replaying in my head over and over until I finally drifted off.<br /><br />Caden went into the ER Friday night and the surgery was around 1am Saturday morning. There was hope we could go home by Monday afternoon but there were set backs. When he was started on water he eventually threw it up. When he made it to soft foods, he eventually threw it up. There was a diaper filled with blood after his first bowel movement. We walked the halls a lot and played in the toy room. Caden had plenty of visitors and his room filled with toys and balloons. On Monday he was even able to go down to the lobby to see Raleigh, one of the therapy dogs. The routine continued and we made sure he was never alone. Steve was there all night and we were both there all day except the few times Steve ran to the office for a few hours. Our family helped us out, staying with Caden while we’d run down to the cafeteria to eat. Parker stayed with us and I know it helped Caden that he was there - he would ask to see Parker in the morning and snuggles with him all day long. People commented on how well we held it together and only once did I really break down. Saturday night after Caden started to throw up again - We turned on his Curious George movie and as the music started I flashed to images of him at home, where he should be, and excused myself to the bathroom and cried and cried. After a minute or two I composed myself and joined everyone else.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/8eb3df17.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/8eb3df17.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/7047e828.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/7047e828.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Sunday was rough - Caden woke up wiggling and crying out in pain. I demanded he have another ultrasound and just as I did the surgeon called to say he wanted testing just to be safe. I sat in the wheel chair and Caden crawled into my lap and placed his head on my chest and despite how big he has grown he fit perfectly in my arms, just as he did when he was a baby. We were wheeled into Xray and images started flooding my mind - him as a baby, with his big gummy grin smiling back at me from our front lawn. His chubby thighs and bright eyes, his bald little head. Image after image they kept coming and I silently cried.<br /><br />Everything looked fine on the xray - in the end we believe the pain was from Caden holding his urine in and his bladder pressing on everything. The surgeon told us that after abdominal surgery sometimes kids did that - associated the pain with anything going on in that general area. He finally went to the bathroom and everything was okay.<br /><br />Caden slowly got better, kept liquids then foods down. He was happy and loved to play and walk the halls, saying hello to everyone he met. Late in the afternoon on Wednesday, March 17th we were released. And for 5 days everything seemed back to normal. We played, we had fun. We moved to put this all behind us.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2010/07e59135.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2010/07e59135.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Monday, March 22nd</span></span><br />Once again the day started out completely normal. Morning turned into afternoon into evening into night and I tucked my boys into bed. Steve was out and my neighbor had come by and we chatted. She headed home and then around 11pm I heard a cry from down the hall. Please be the baby, please just be a hungry baby. Parker was fast asleep in his bassinet beside my bed.<br /><br />I walked into Caden’s room and he was tossing and turning as he whimpered in his bed, “My belly hurts”. Three little words that will strike fear into all of us for a long, long time. I crawled into bed with him and scooped him into my arms and rubbed his head as he fell back asleep. But after a few minutes the wiggling would start again and he’d cry out once more. Again he’d settle down only for the pain to return and as it did I could hear his stomach gurgling and churning. I got up and stepped into the hall and paced nor sure what I should do and he threw up all over. My first thought was to take him to the ER so put Caden in the tub and called my neighbor. She heard Caden crying in the background and came running over.<br /><br />Once Caden was cleaned and in new jammies he seemed to be doing better. I placed a call into the pediatrician and when the on call doctor called back he thought what I was hoping, a stomach bug, and suggested I watch Caden for 24 hours. Caden started to cry out in pain again, not as bad, but hurting. And then he threw up once more.<br /><br />I buckled Caden into his car seat and showed my neighbor where my frozen milk was and how to thaw it so she could stay with Parker. Steve was on his way home and instead would just be meeting us at the ER. When we got there they were in the middle of a shift change so we waited. And Caden threw up more, and cried out more, and they brought a nurse to bring us in immediately.<br /><br />Once again Steve and I found ourselves draped over our sons body as the placed another IV in his left hand this time. Once again he was given zofran and morphine and Caden perked right up! He laughed and played and was happy as could be. Steve and I even giggled at how silly he was being.<br /><br />We were originally told they would be doing a CT but they later decided to use the CT as a last resort due to the increased radiation. We found ourselves back in an ultrasound room and for my xrays - if they showed anything then we’d continue with the CT. Everything looked okay on both exams but Caden was admitted anyway for observation. Seeing how great Caden was doing now and that those images were all clear I started to think it was just that, a stomach bug.<br /><br />None of us slept that night. Steve went into work straight from the hospital, I went home, showered, grabbed Parker, and headed back. Caden woke up in a terrible mood after only a few hours of sleep. His white blood cell count was up so they wanted a urine analysis and had a collection bag on him. He refused to pee in it - he’d rather let his bladder explode before he was going to pee with that thing on him. He was in pain because his bladder was so full again and the surgeon was talking of the CT. I was scared of the radiation after what I’d been told and asked if they could promise me nothing bad would happen due to the radiation, “we would like to avoid a CT if at all possible” was the only response I was given, not reassuring in the least. He would also need to be sedated.<br /><br />I told them to take the urine collection bag off and they did since they would just cath him while sedated. They took it off and caden emptied his bladder and all was right with the world. He was calm, pain free, and wanted to watch George and asked for a popsicle. Since he was doing so well I asked that we hold off on the CT and just observe him, see if the pain returned or if he threw up. Everyone agreed. In the end I wished we had done the CT right then, but hindsight is 20/20.<br /><br />Caden did great - he ate Popsicles, he played, he bounced off the walls and ran around the floor. He drank and ate popsicles. Wednesday morning the surgeon rounded and laughed at how energetic Caden was as he jumped up and down excitedly and played with his monster trucks. “sometimes we never know why these things happen and they resolve themselves - he looks great and I see no reason he can’t go home as long as he eats and keeps it down”.<br /><br />Caden asked for Mac and cheese and excitedly ate it all along with a banana at 11am and around 1:30am with him still completely normal, we were released. We thought it must have been the stomach flu and we walked out of the hospital.<br /><br />As we walked out of the hospital into the beautiful spring day, Caden gripping the stroller happily and Parker smiling up at me, I was uneasy. I knew it wasn’t over, something wasn’t right even though Caden seemed perfectly fine. The drive home I went over everything in my head - how could it be the stomach flu? He had no other symptoms, nothing. I didn’t call anyone to tell them we were home, I didn’t update face book or another site I’m on. I said nothing because I just had a feeling.<br /><br />We were home an hour and the phones were ringing and that is when I told people he was home. At around 3pm he said those three nasty little words… My belly hurts. He’d say it, then would be fine and play. He wanted to go outside, he wanted to watch George. And then he’d say it again.<br /><br />I called the pediatrician and they suggested that I just bring Caden in with me in the morning since Parker’s 2 month well baby was then anyway, a rescheduled appt after the first surgery. I talked to our family about it - maybe its just gas, maybe its just attention. Maybe, maybe, maybe… I tried to believe but I knew. Us moms, we always know and should there be a lesson to be learned in all this I fully believe it is to trust your intuition.<br /><br />Steve was at work and was about to head home when I told him. The tone in his voice dropped. When he got home Caden was still saying his tummy hurt, but it wasn’t like before, not as bad. Steve got home from work and made us a quick bite to eat. Caden crawled into my lap and fell asleep. Eventually he crawled to the other side of the couch and slept for an hour or so, I wish I could say this brought any of us relief but I could see his face wince even as he slept. I placed a call into the surgeon on call and he called me back at 7:30pm and we talked. While we were talking Caden woke up and he could hear Caden cry out in the background. At that point the surgeon suggested we bring Caden back to the ER for the CT scan - it was still early in the night and if nothing else we’d have some peace of mind.<br /><br />Steve put Caden in the car and took him back to the hospital while I got my neighbor and settled her in with Parker. Steve called telling me to bring some clothes and something to clean up the car - Caden threw up all over.<br /><br />I raced back to the hospital to meet them there in disbelief.<br /><br />I was immediately led back into the ER to Caden and Steve - everyone there knew us. Even the doctor, who hadn’t been involved in Caden’s care, was aware of him due to the meckel's diverticulum - I guess word got around. At one point I paced the hall and saw a familiar face - I recognized her but couldn’t remember from where. Thinking about it we believe she was the woman who performed the 2nd ultrasound and was much more kind and helpful than the first. She smiled and said hello and then realized where we were and just walked up to me and wrapped her arms around me.<br /><br />Once again Steve and I were draped over Caden as they placed another IV in him - this time in his arm as he still had the holes in his hands from the pervious IVs. He was given zofran again as he was continually throwing up bile and then they sedated him for the CT, expecting him to fall asleep. The nurses were all shocked when he never did. Steve and I held his hands and kept him calm during the procedure and we got the images that were needed. When we made it back to our room in the ER Caden was up and happy - he seemed fine and asked for drinks he couldn’t have.<br /><br />I paced the hall as I talked on the phone, keeping concerned friends and family updated as to what was going on and the glances on the face of the ER staff grew more concerned. Our main nurse walked into the room and I asked if they had read the CT and she said yes. I knew she couldn’t tell me anything but I asked anyway. She knew we had been through the ringer and wasn’t going to make us wait and told us - Caden had a bowel obstruction and the surgeon was on his way.<br /><br />The ER doctor came in and explained everything to us but of course his answers were limited. Before long the surgeon walked in and explained everything to us - he would try to do everything laparoscopically and his hope was that it was a simple adhesion that would just need to be snipped and that would be it. I signed the forms stating that but with notes and knowledge that he could have to be opened up this time and that there was the possibility of a bowel resection. And then we began to wind our way back up to the OR.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Caden’s 2nd Surgery</span></span><br />It was like a terrible nightmare replaying itself. The same nurse from the 1st surgery met us in the hallway and Caden remembered her and greeted her with a friendly “Hi Grandma!”. Again it was the early hours of the morning by now and the OR was empty so we were allowed to stay with Caden in pre-op. Despite being awake and alert this time Caden was calm, like he understood. The time came to say goodbye again and I found myself holding and kissing him, hoping, praying it was enough - for him and for me.<br /><br />Instead of going to the waiting room this time we went to our cars - I was becoming engorged and needed to pump and Steve would move the other car to the accessible entrance from pediatrics. I raced home and checked on Parker and pumped. My neighbor assured me not to worry about her and to just get back to the hospital. I raced back on the empty streets, the music up once again but this time it didn’t work and my mind wandered to images of my child’s body on an operating table.<br /><br />The elevator doors opened into that familiar waiting room - the lights once more turned down, the halls empty, the hum of the ventilation system… Steve had turned the TV on this time though. Steve told me I had just missed a nurse not even 30 seconds before giving an update… we had hoped the surgery could be performed by lap again but they had to open him up. I can’t remember if it was then or later we were told, but they also had to remove part of his small bowel. It was 2:30am.<br /><br />Steve laid down on a chair and I paced the halls, changed the channel on the TV, sat in chair after chair. Finally I sat and rested my head against a window and peered out at the cars below as it started to rain. I then laid my head down on a chair and stared at the OR doors, begging them to open with news, only glancing away to look at the clock. Surely by 3:30am we’d have another update.<br /><br />Every noise jolted me - a door opening, Steve coughing. 3:15am came and nothing. Then 3:30am. I sat up and shifted in my seat, the anxiety was building inside of me. Finally 3:45am approached and nothing - I frantically paced the halls, looking for someone, anyone, and nothing. I sat back in my chair and I under the weight of everything I just broke and started crying hysterically, gasping for breath. Steve raced over to me and wrapped his arms around me but I was inconsolable, I just needed to let it all out. I regained composure, caught my breath, and the doors finally swung open.<br /><br />The surgeon sat down beside me, took my hand, and smiled as he spoke. “the first thing I want to tell you is that Caden is okay, he is fine and did great”. He explained to me what happened, that as the bowel healed from the first surgery a closed loop was formed. He was able to untangle it laparoscopically but did not feel comfortable leaving it - the bowel was so inflamed he was sure if he left it we would find ourselves back in for a 3rd surgery so he made the decision to open Caden’s abdomen and remove that section of bowel. He told me that Caden would be fine and would continue on with his life just as he did before surgery, nothing had to change. And he promised me that this was the end of it, this was the last surgery, and that we could see him soon.<br /><br />A few minutes later the nurse from pre op, Grandma, came by on her way out to see us. She was so kind and we were so thankful for her - Caden felt safe because she was there. She told me I needed to sleep, I must have looked a mess. She told me to get home and get some sleep before Parker needed to eat but I couldn’t leave without seeing Caden. She smiled and said okay, lets go. She brought us through the locked doors and told the recovery nruse we were coming even though we weren’t supposed to be back there, and everyone was okay with it. We walked around the corner and there was Caden sleeping on that hospital bed, monitors beeping and a kind blond nurse standing watch at his side - I smiled in gratitude though I don’t know she realized how important she was to me. She stood by my baby’s side and watched over him when I could not.<br /><br />I wanted to be strong and I didn’t want to cry even though Caden wasn’t awake. I laid my head down and rested my face on his warm, soft cheek and just breathed him in. He was okay and that was all that mattered but it was so hard to see him like that. I whispered to him over and over again how much I loved him, how proud I was of him, how he was everything to me. I lifted my head off his and wiped away the pool of warm tears I left on his cheek. Steve grabbed my hand and as we walked away I saw the recovery nurse wiping tears from her face. It helped to see that, to see that Caden was just as special and cared for by all the people around him. That he wasn’t just another body cut into. And that he was truly cared for when we were not allowed by his side.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Recovery</span></span><br />Overall recovery was easier the 2nd time around though slower. He never threw up, no blood soaked diapers. The first day was so much harder through. He was on Morphine and slept most of the day away and because he was on the morphine he was on extra monitors that he didn’t have before.<br />We went much slower this time with introducing food and liquids, giving his bowel plenty of time to rest. By the time Saturday rolled around he was a little beast and understandably so. The constant blood draws and poking and prodding and being tied down to IV poles - but really he was so hungry. One of the nurses felt so bad she allowed him to eat 5 cheerios and his attitude completely changed. Caden was the only patient on the pediatrics floor for a lot of our stay so he got all sorts of extra attention. The nurse offered to take him on a walk one day so I could grab a quick bite to eat and he went to the lobby and got to play the piano. All of the nurses were absolutely fantastic and we would have been lost without them. I only hope they know just how special they were to all of us and how much they all helped us get through this.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2010/b97454a2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2010/b97454a2.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Monday he was finally allowed to eat regular food and got breakfast, lunch, and dinner and kept all of it down. By Tuesday morning his white blood cell count had returned to normal and we were discharged that morning.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2010/50383ac2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2010/50383ac2.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />It has been almost two weeks now since Caden was released and he is currently climbing the couch and sliding into a pile of pillows he stacked up with a proud “tada!“ followed by skipping down the hall to play with his toys. He lost a lot of weight in the hospital but as started to gain that back. When we first got home you could feel his ribs through his shirt when you rubbed his back but already he has gained some weight back. Things are normal, but I know that doesn’t mean much. Leaving the hospital that last time, it did feel right though. Steve and I took the boys on a walk, Parker’s first finally, and just enjoyed being home, together. We’ve celebrated Easter and played with toys and are settling back into that sweet routine I smiled at in the morning hours a month ago.<br /><br />The best part of all is that Caden is on his way to making a full recovery. That he is back to his energetic, playful self. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. And while we still are watching him with a close eye and late night whimpers and the words “my belly hurts” brings on anxiety like steve and I have never known, we are moving past this and I am, without question, forever grateful, thankful, and blessed.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2010/8054fb42.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2010/8054fb42.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-32899082586176026722010-03-09T11:54:00.020-06:002012-04-18T20:28:55.054-05:00See it in a new sun rising<span style="font-weight: bold;">Parker’s Birth Story</span><br />Since my first son, Caden, was born by emergency c-section I’ve known I wanted to try for a VBAC. I wasn’t angered by my c-section and I didn’t have grief - Caden’s birth was necessary for both of us and after the months of bed rest and preparing for a premature baby, ending with a full term, healthy, perfect little boy trumped incisions and everything else for me… but I knew that should my next pregnancy be free of complications and allow, I wanted a VBAC and I was determined. I assumed that preeclampsia or kidney issues or skyrocketing blood pressure might take that chance away, but I never imagined ended up on the operating room table at 41 weeks, 1 day with absolutely no progressing toward labor what so ever.<br /><br />The months before Parker’s delivery were spent reading and preparing and the weeks before delivery were spent doing everything we could think of to encourage Parker to join us. Capsules, teas, pineapple, exercise balls, visualizations, stairs, walking, sex, a full moon, a blue moon, a snowstorm... I started to feel like I was living a birth inspired Dr. Seuss book - “full moons and blue moons and even letting Daddy do as he please, couldn’t and wouldn’t encourage Parker to leave!”. Eventually I began to bargain with the baby, beg the birthing gods, and even attempted to sway Muphy’s law “Maybe if I don’t shave my legs for a while…..” None of it did anything. At 39 weeks I ended up with one hell of a stomach virus and as I placed a call to my OB at 11:30pm sure I was on my death bed my OB joked “Hopefully this should send you into labor!” - It didn’t.. and I am sure I’d prefer a c-section to laboring through that hellish experience anyway.<br /><br />At that point I was just miserable. I was angry and snappy that I wasn’t even progressing despite the daily onslaught of Braxton hicks contractions. I was upset. Finally, toward the end of my 39th week, I realized I was most upset that my perfect pregnancy - the one I beat all the odds with… no bed rest, no preeclampsia despite my multiple risk factors, no gestational diabetes despite my PCOS, no kidney issues.. Was now overshadowed by this. I loved every minute of my pregnancy - I got to do all the things I didn’t with Caden. I had adorable clothes and loved showing off my big round belly in public even if it did result in stares at the end. We took<span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> </span><a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://acceptingmyreality.blogspot.com/2009/12/maternityfamily-photos.html">maternity photos</a> and did a<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(102, 204, 204);"> </span><a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Nursery/f5f0611e.jpg">belly cast</a><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> </span>(haha) and went on vacation. We have photos of my belly with pumpkins at the pumpkin patch and I ached for days after a marathon Christmas shopping session. I got to do all that I missed out on when I was pregnant with my first. And now I was just a big crabby pregnant woman because my cervix wouldn’t budge and my baby was floating and nothing was happening - and no matter what I did I had no control over the situation. So I took control back. I decided that I wasn’t going to allow this to cast a shadow over the last few moments I had with my sweet little boy wiggling and bumping and pushing inside me. I was going to enjoy those last days with my first little boy as my only, I was going to sit back and soak in those last moments as a family of 3. I’d keep on doing what we had been in hopes that labor would come soon but I wasn’t going to focus on it and if it wasn’t meant to be, then it wasn’t. In the end as long as my baby and myself were healthy and happy that was most important. What I wanted was a non-traumatic birth with a happy ending. I didn’t want another induction (not that it was an option anyway with a completely unfavorable cervix and all). Finally I felt like I regained control, I was happy, and those last days of my pregnancy were spent in the same bliss that I found myself in the months before.<br /><br />At my 40 week appt I had an NST and the normal routine. My blood pressure was high - it had been borderline for weeks but now it was over that line. Parker did okay on the NST and the AFI was at the low end (exactly) of normal. I was to come back that Friday, 3 days later, for another AFI and a blood pressure check. My c-section was scheduled for the next Monday, January 11th, in the event I didn’t go into labor on my own before then and now with my blood pressure even higher and other info received that date remained - going any further posed to many risks in my mind and my doctors, especially with my BP. I laid down for a few minutes and luckily my blood pressure went down enough that I was able to go home with instructions to continue monitoring.<br />I went to my final appointment a few days later - my fluid measurements remained the same at 8 so my doctors were okay letting me go the weekend. My BP was good enough to wait, too.<br /><br />With Caden I was induced on a Monday and he was born just after midnight Wednesday morning. We were exhausted and worn out and I looked just terrible - the photos we have that include Steve and I from his birth are traumatic themselves. So I decided that if I was going to end up with a c-section this time I was going in prepared. Friday after my appointment I went in to have my hair done and the day before that was a Mani-pedi. Saturday we spent running errands and I bought another nursing gown to wear in the hospital since it was starting to look like we’d spend a few more days there than we had planned. We stocked up on groceries for Caden (MIL was staying at our house with him half the time, the other he was going to my Mom’s) and for when we got home. Sunday was reserved for cleaning - I never did get that nesting urge that I so longed for so there was a lot to do…. Instead we spent the day in our jammies sprawled out in the living room building block towers with Caden. Before we knew it evening had come and it was time to get to work. We let Caden stay up a little late and then I tucked him into bed and crawled in with him for a few minutes of simple snuggles, then Steve and I finished up around the house, packed the last few things we needed for the hospital. In-between all that I took a few long walks along our cold snowy streets with my neighbor in hopes that just maybe Parker would make his entrance on his own… he didn’t.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Monday, January 11, 2010. </span><br />We didn’t crawl into bed until well after midnight so morning came early. I still had hopes that just maybe I’d be woken by contractions but at 5:30am the alarm went off and I got in the shower. The morning was quiet - the news played in the background and Caden was still sleeping. I did my hair an makeup, got dressed, and admired my big round belly in the mirror one last time. MIL arrived around 7:15am and I woke Caden up for some last minute snuggles and Steve loaded the car - we needed to be to the hospital by 8am. A little after 7:30am we said our good byes and headed on our way.<br /><br />When we got to the hospital my Mom was already waiting for us in the lobby. The intention was that she would be with us before surgery but as we checked in we learned that wasn’t possible. She sat with us as we checked in and then headed to take care of some errands and stop by to see Caden until she could come see us. After all the questions were answered and lines signed, bracelets were placed on mine and Steve’s wrists and we headed into the Maternity center.<br /><br />The halls were quiet and empty as we made our way through. As we were led back toward the surgical section of the ward a nurse stopped and asked us our names<br />“Just who I was looking for!” she responded and instead led us to our suite where we would be doing pre-op and as long as everything went fine, post op as well. This was also the room we would spend out first days with our sweet little boy.<br /><br />The rooms at our hospital are beautiful - large with stone bathrooms, toiletries laid on the counter, real furniture. There is a huge window and the morning light was pouring in over a blanket of soft white snow outside. It was kind of surreal standing there - after all these months, a year and a half.. I finally arrived.<br /><br />I changed into my gown and climbed into bed and nurse put the IV into my arm. I texted my friend and chatted with Steve while we monitored the baby and myself. I was having all the Braxton hicks that I had been but still no progress. My only “regret” from the birth of my child came from now - I was so wrapped up in the c-section I didn’t see the joy that was that morning. I wish I had the smiling pics of us pre surgery, I wish I wasn’t so… not myself. Eventually I did let my guard down a little though and we laughed and joked with my nurse, who might I add was fantastic.<br /><br />My OB, Dr. L1, came in a short time later and we chatted while she filled out some paper work and finally the time came to head to the OR. I asked if I had control of any musical choices and I did, but my other OB, Dr L2, had requested a specific OR that had the best layout for me to be able to see the warmer after the baby was born - I asked him to be able to see the warmer and he said he’d do his best, that it all depended on how far they could stretch the cord from the outlet. He proceeded to go in and choose the OR with the best option for this - but it was one without a CD player.<br /><br />Finally we were ready and we began the walk down to the OR - Steve came with us half way but had to wait until the spinal was administered to come in.<br />I climbed onto the table and everyone said hello and was so friendly and kind. They placed warm blankets over me and the anesthesiologist explained everything again. I rolled onto my side and started to cry. My nurse came over and grabbed my hand and then my OB came over and held the other. There was a pinch that wasn’t pleasant as I was numbed and then I was warned there would be pressure and I braced myself for what I remembered after getting multiple lumbar punctures in the past… but I felt nothing. No pressure, no pain.. I was shocked when it was done.<br /><br />What came next was the only downside to the whole experience really - when they were doing my catheter my knees were bent and as the spinal took hold it was the last feeling my brain remembered. I wanted them straight and had a minor freak out trying to straighten them and not being able to - the reality is that they were straight, my brain just didn’t register that and it was stressful not to be able to move my legs. Finally I calmed down and somewhere in-between surgery began. Steve sat at my head and held my hand.<br /><br />The anesthesiologist would occasionally adjust the oxygen mask in front of my face (I didn’t have to wear it) and it would remind me to breath - as the minutes passed I realized I was holding my breath.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Welcome to the world, sweet baby</span><br />In all the months we tried to get pregnant I’d imagine that day I’d get my BFP and cry - I’d dream of every milestone a pregnancy would bring and the tears would roll off my face. But the afternoon I got<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> </span><a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://acceptingmyreality.blogspot.com/2009/04/happiest-girl-in-world.html">that BFP</a> my face was dry - I was excited and shaking and so incredibly happy, but the tears never came. I assumed once I saw that<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> </span><a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/6weeks2daysJM.jpg">beautiful flicker</a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);"> </span>on a black and white ultrasound screen I’d finally be able to cry in relief as I dreamed I would… but when the day came the tears still did not. I spent so many of those early weeks waiting - waiting to be able to sigh that breath of relief but instead I sat in quiet reservation, almost waiting for the other shoe to drop. The NT ultrasound, the 20 weeks, making it past where I got sick with Caden, blood tests, kicks and bumps and wiggles… I’d take a breath and move onto the next step.<br /><br />The minutes passed and I heard a tiny voice for a split second - he hadn’t even been born and only his head was out, but I knew that sound - that amazing, beautiful sound. I knew who that was and I felt a few tears roll off my face. I took a breath and held it once more. I heard someone mention the cord around his neck and to hold on as they unwrapped it. There was commotion and then there was noise - a loud, strong, beautiful cry of a life that just entered this world - That seconds before existed only within me. He sounded different than Caden - deeper. 3 years later and I could still remember exactly how my first baby’s first cry sounded.<br /><br />The curtain dropped and I saw my beautiful, messy, perfect baby crying with his face all scrunched up and it was everything I ever dreamed. I finally exhaled and I<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aRJkssczI/AAAAAAAAAMk/GwMUE0__C6s/s1600-h/IMG_0431.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aRJkssczI/AAAAAAAAAMk/GwMUE0__C6s/s200/IMG_0431.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446700393007182642" border="0" /></a> just sobbed. I cried and cried - for all of it. I finally allowed myself to release every tear that never came - for the positive pregnancy tests, the flicker of a 6 week old heart beat, a healthy baby, for my beautiful, perfect, sweet little boy. And in the bright lights of that sterile operating room on that cold winter morning, with my husband at my newborn baby’s side and my first little boy safely at home, I smiled and all was right with the world. My sweet Parker was finally here and healthy - born at 9:59am, 7lbs, 14oz, 19.5 inches with Apgars of 9 and 9.Parker was then brought over to me - I wrapped my arm around him and snuggled my face to him and reveled in that moment for what seemed like days.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aR-TmMLKI/AAAAAAAAAMs/UYxiiYhmxbE/s1600-h/IMG_0438.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aR-TmMLKI/AAAAAAAAAMs/UYxiiYhmxbE/s200/IMG_0438.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446701298949565602" border="0" /></a><br />Steve went to the nursery with Parker and the anesthesiologist said he was going to give me something to take a short nap until I got back to my room. He put something into my IV - a minute or so passed and I was still asking my OBs all about what they were up to down there and I simply heard him say “maybe not”.<br />My doctors made mention of how nicely I heal and that my ovaries and tubes looked fantastic so that was a definite perk to the c-section.<br /><br />Before long I was done and it was time to head back to my room - everything went perfectly so I didn’t have to go to recovery and was able to be monitored in my suite. We got back to the room before Parker was done in the nursery so my nurse slid the phone over to me so I could make calls if I wanted. I called my Dad and then my Mom and let her know she could come up in a few - and I heard her tears through the phone.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aS9VPqsyI/AAAAAAAAAM0/3w0Z8Otg3Xo/s1600-h/IMG_0482.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aS9VPqsyI/AAAAAAAAAM0/3w0Z8Otg3Xo/s200/IMG_0482.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446702381723726626" border="0" /></a>It was mere minutes that passed but it felt like hours while I had my eyes glued on the door. Finally it swung open and there stood a nurse “is that my baby!?” I sat up a little disappointed to only see her. She stepped into the room and behind her walked Steve pushing a bassinet. He lifted up a tiny little body and smiled, “he is like a feather”. He then placed that tiny little life in my arms and I was finally home.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Those first hours</span><br />At one point Parker started to cry and I snuggled him close and whispered to him as I did with Caden and he instantly calmed down. In so many ways I couldn’t and still can’t remember Caden as a baby, so it was amazing how every thing came flooding back to me. I smelled Parker’s sweet smell, I stroked his chubby cheek, and I took every bit of him in. And then I put him to my breast and he latched on immediately and perfectly. I thought Caden was easy to nurse but Parker had it down from the start.<br /><br />Before long my Mom was here and she got to snuggle her newest grandbaby. A nurse soon walked in with a beautiful bouquet of white roses, blue delphinium, and a balloon from Steve and my Mom came with roses, clothes, and lots of yummy snacks.<br />I had requested before the surgery to be present for Parker’s first bath so the nursery brought down a warmer and once his temp was up they cleaned him and placed his beautiful warm body back into my arms.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aTvr5np1I/AAAAAAAAAM8/TNr7ZVdav0c/s1600-h/IMG_0075.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 134px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aTvr5np1I/AAAAAAAAAM8/TNr7ZVdav0c/s200/IMG_0075.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446703246798726994" border="0" /></a><br />We took pictures and texted and her husband, Charlie, came by to meet the littlest man, too. They didn’t stay long but their visit was nice and I was so proud to show off my littlest man.<br /><br />After my Mom and Charlie left, the monitors turned off and the nurses gone, it was just the three of us. I sat and snuggled Parker and Steve and I smiled down at our little boy. As we were getting out of the car that morning I hit eject on the CD player and grabbed the first CD that popped out. We put it in the CD player, pressed play, and just sat in complete awe of the day with the music playing softly in the background - just the three of us on that perfect afternoon. The CD was Coldplay, X & Y and to this day Parker still quiets down and listens contently when every they are played.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aZ1txE-FI/AAAAAAAAANk/bkg5fMjowPQ/s1600-h/IMG_9259.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aZ1txE-FI/AAAAAAAAANk/bkg5fMjowPQ/s200/IMG_9259.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446709947448752210" border="0" /></a>The rest of the day we requested no visitors. It was just us and it was just perfect. Watching my husband take care of our son and take care of me I fell in love with him all over again. As a 2nd time dad he was completely at peace and comfortable in his new role - changing diapers, snuggling Parker close. He kept calling Parker his little peanut and couldn’t get over how light he was after living with an almost 3 year old. I couldn’t get over how blessed I was, how perfect this all turned out, and how every step along this path, every tear and every joy, more than paid off in the end. And for those hours on that cold winter day the world seemed still outside or door and nothing bad or imperfect could ever make its way in.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The days to follow. </span><br />The remainder of our stay in the hospital was a blur. Tuesday was non stop visitors but luckily that slowed down on Wednesday. At only 25 hours old Parker had his very <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5abZejNIuI/AAAAAAAAAN8/uR39ugTfgHo/s1600-h/IMG_9192.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5abZejNIuI/AAAAAAAAAN8/uR39ugTfgHo/s200/IMG_9192.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446711661350953698" border="0" /></a> first picture session and we cried when we saw the photos. He was so alert when he was awake and you could see him taking in every bit of his new surroundings just as we were taking in every bit of him. We were floating and so in love with this little being and so blissfully happy - I found myself feeling guilty at times that it wasn’t like this with Caden. We were exhausted and overwhelmed and hadn’t slept in days during his birth and while we were still in complete and utter amazement and love with him, this was just.. Different. We were calm, relaxed, rested and every bit of our souls poured onto our brand new baby boy. And with every second that passed I thanked the lord for how incredibly blessed I am.<br /><br />Recovery for me went well and I was up and running as soon as they took that IV out of my arm. I did my hair and my makeup and changed my clothes. I sat and visited and was glowing and so very proud. I did have some pain issues late Tuesday night as the cocktail of meds and painkillers that were in my spinal fully wore off and I realized just how much I had been overdoing it, but an adjustment in pain meds and the promise to take it a little more easy and I was back to feeling alright. Around that time my blood pressure also started to skyrocket getting dangerously high at times on top of the previously HBP from the last weeks of my pregnancy. Luckily it came down enough and stabilized that while still high and still hypertension, I wouldn’t need to be put on meds at that point, and, after my eclampsia panel came back clear, I would be able to go home with some additional appointments and at home monitoring 3 times daily. By my 6 week check up my blood pressure had started to go back down and was out of hypertension and slowly returning to normal.<br /><br />Steve and I would walk the halls of the maternity center with our baby boy in his <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aUna_NRMI/AAAAAAAAANE/bw4LwIhhf9g/s1600-h/IMG_0566.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aUna_NRMI/AAAAAAAAANE/bw4LwIhhf9g/s200/IMG_0566.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446704204331435202" border="0" /></a>bassinet. It was still so surreal to be back there. We walked past the suite we stayed in when Caden was born. We walked into the labor and delivery wing and past the room I had labored in almost 3 years prior. We walked and talked and smiled at all of our dreams for the future - for Caden, for us, and for this sweet new life sleeping soundly in the bassinet in front of us.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">H1N1</span><br />Visitor restrictions due to H1N1 prevented Caden from visiting us in the hospital and it broke my heart and was something I was very stressed out over leading up to Parker’s birth. Originally we were under the assumption that he would be able to come to the lobby and I could go out and see him, but in the end that wasn’t a possibility anyway. Steve had said there were a bunch of clearly sick people sitting out there one evening anyway (they had been denied entrance due to symptoms) so he wouldn’t have wanted me to go anyway. I broke down sobbing once after talking to Caden on the phone but he was fine and having fun and Grandma made sure to send photos. In the end I am actually kind of glad it worked out this way - while I would have loved to have been able to see Caden in the hospital and missed him terribly, we were allowed some time for just Parker that we wouldn’t have had otherwise. It helped that in the end Caden wasn’t the least bit upset. He was very happy to come home and see his Mommy and Daddy and was so in love with his baby brother once he met him, but he wasn’t upset or angry.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aU-eQXVeI/AAAAAAAAANM/HzmYU-u8Bn8/s1600-h/IMG_0584.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aU-eQXVeI/AAAAAAAAANM/HzmYU-u8Bn8/s200/IMG_0584.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446704600345695714" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Heading Home</span><br />Finally Thursday came and we were all clear to go home, though it didn’t happen <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aYZRW6oWI/AAAAAAAAANU/vb2OMMBd6YI/s1600-h/IMG_0600.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aYZRW6oWI/AAAAAAAAANU/vb2OMMBd6YI/s200/IMG_0600.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446708359274864994" border="0" /></a>until 6pm that evening. Packing our belongings, signing the forms… it was bittersweet. I couldn’t wait to take my baby home, to see my little boy, to finally begin our journey as a family of four… but at the same time I couldn’t believe it was time. That the BFP, the pregnancy, the delivery, had all come and gone. That my sweet baby was here and healthy and so perfect.. And that he was already old enough to go home. I was sad to already see the days passing so quickly. Life after Caden was born moved faster than I could imagine. My pregnancy had come and gone in the blink of an eye. I knew that these next moments would pass all too quickly.<br /><br />We picked up dinner on the way home and called my mom to bring Caden home to us. We quickly ate while Parker slept. I nursed him and snuggled him into his bouncer just in time for Caden to arrive. Caden was so happy to see his mommy and Daddy and <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aY3RJKBMI/AAAAAAAAANc/CHjhkF-4-uA/s1600-h/IMG_0606.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S5aY3RJKBMI/AAAAAAAAANc/CHjhkF-4-uA/s200/IMG_0606.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5446708874613228738" border="0" /></a>beyond thrilled when he saw his baby brother. He kneeled down in front of Parker’s bouncer and peered in at him, “Hi baby!” he chimed as he blew Parker a kiss. He was so interested in this little person, just as we were, and has been every since. The love he has for his baby brother melts my heart. We did have issues with a bit of jealousy, especially when I would nurse Parker, but as the weeks passed things improved daily and were never “bad” to begin with. I have been impressed at just how well Caden.. All of us… are adjusting overall.<br /><br />Steve was home with us for 2.5 weeks total and it was wonderful to sit held up in our house just the four of us. I will always remember those days and just how perfect they were. No obligations, no phone calls, just us and our boys snuggled up in pure bliss. I had looked forward to those days just the four of us my entire pregnancy and they were wonderful.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The days since</span><br />Eventually Steve returned to work and life has settled into our new sense of normal and we’re learning how to do things all over again once more. We definitely lucked out and Parker is a ridiculously easy baby. He loves snuggles and being held, currently snuggled into my chest, and while this makes it difficult to accomplish a whole lot some days we are more than happy to oblige. I find it all too easy to get lost in his big, dark eyes and he is always smiling and cooing. I am so very proud of both of my boys and couldn’t imagine a happier ending to this chapter of our lives and I am so incredibly happy and excited to begin the next.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Looking back</span><br />While a repeat c-section clearly wasn’t what I had hoped for and definitely wasn’t what I had planned - I can honestly sit back and say I am happy with how everything played out in the end. There will always be a part of me that will wonder and wish my body would have gone into labor, but in the end I did everything I could. Had my blood pressure held out a bit longer, if my fluid levels had been a bit higher… I think I would have liked to wait it out at least a few more days. But after Caden and knowing the risks.. They weren’t ones I was willing to take and waiting longer wasn’t an option for even me.<br />My main wish regarding Parker’s birth was for us to be healthy and happy. I didn’t want a traumatic birth, I didn’t want days of exhaustion, I didn’t want any harm to him. After Caden’s birth I was still able to look back on that day and see it as the wonderful miracle it was. After all we had been through, he was safe and sound and that day was the best of my life. After hearing from other c-section moms who could only see grief and pain and disappointment, I was so happy that I could look back and see joy and beauty. My biggest fear with Parker’s birth was that I wouldn’t be able to look back on his birth and feel the same way. I loved being pregnant - every bit of it. I was so incredibly grateful to get to experience a normal, healthy pregnancy and for all the memories made in those 41 weeks. I was terrified my perfect pregnancy would end with trauma or disappointment. But it didn’t. The day Parker was born was more beautiful and perfect than I imagined.<br /><br />We do want another child and have already talked among ourselves and my doctors about when, given our past and such. I’m undecided if when the time comes I’ll try for a VBA2C, or if its even an option. But if not I am okay with it. I’d actually prefer not to go through the stress of trying to put myself into labor again, to feel like I’m racing a clock, worrying about placentas and breech babies and everything else. Prior to Parker I didn’t see how birth without labor could feel right. I didn’t think I could be okay with it. But in the end I don’t see how his birth could have been anymore wonderful. In the end I am reminded that the manner in which a child is born is only one piece of the puzzle, that we all must play the hand that we are dealt, and that life is what you make of it.<br /><br /><br /><br />Its taken me so long to finally allow myself the time to really sit down and write this out - I feel as though I should end it with some profound statement or quote - but everything to be said already has been. I suppose to anyone who made it this far I owe a thanks, but I feel I owe everyone who has supported us through this journey that and hope to have that support in the years to come.<br /><br />I think back to this time a year ago - we were packing our bags and getting ready to head on our <a style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 102, 255);" href="http://acceptingmyreality.blogspot.com/2009/03/luckiest.html">first trip to the dells</a>. I was at the end of my first clomid cycle and in a week would start the cycle that would bring me to Parker, that would bring us all to today. I look back and smile though a little sad to realize at just how much Caden has grown in just one year - he was still such a baby then and now is so much a boy. I think to the future - to all the firsts that this new year has brought and will continue to bring. I think about our next trip to the dells and I dream of the day we do this all again. I pray that this pregnancy has worked more miracles than the one sleeping sweetly beside me, that perhaps I will be one of the lucky ones who had my cycles reset.<br /><br />But most of all I look around me - at my two boys, my husband, so many sweet memories framed and hung proudly on our walls. I look around and am forever grateful for all that I have been given. And I am forever blessed.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-58765522404152792142010-01-26T20:36:00.007-06:002010-01-26T21:05:29.644-06:00Welcome to the world, Sweet baby<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S1-ocUkBOiI/AAAAAAAAAMU/eBgVm7gn31w/s1600-h/IMG_9196.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S1-ocUkBOiI/AAAAAAAAAMU/eBgVm7gn31w/s320/IMG_9196.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431244880141695522" border="0" /></a>On January 11, 2010 at 9:59am we welcomed our precious little boy, Parker Andrew, into this world. He and the days since have been everything I dreamed.<br /><br />I have so much to say and so much I want to get down so I never forget - Like the way he stretches in the morning and gets his whole body into it, or how he sticks his bottom lip out if you brush is face with your finger while he is sleeping, how he smiles big gummy smiles while dreaming and the noises he makes while he is nursing. I never want to forget how perfectly he fits in our arms and how Steve and I have the hardest time putting him down. I always want to remember that first day, snuggled up with him in pure amazement of just how perfect he is, unable to take my eyes off him with the music playing softly on a cold winter day - and how for those hours the world seemed still outside our door and nothing bad or imperfect could ever make its way in.<br /><br />I have so much to say… but for now I’ll enjoy the last hours and day I have held up in my perfect world with my husband and two amazing little boys as Steve has to return to work on Thursday. These past two and a half weeks have been nothing short of amazing and it makes me a little sad that the real world is already knocking on our door, that my sweet baby is already 2 weeks old, that my first blessing, Caden, already turned 3 this past Sunday. But seeing my first baby tuck his little brother in and lay on the floor talking to him, watching my newborn son sleep sweetly in his Daddy’s arms, and snuggling Caden while Parker nurses…. Life is so very good. And every step along this journey - every tear and every celebration, has more than paid off in the end.<br /><br />I am forever thankful and forever blessed by all that I have been given.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S1-nvTjwlyI/AAAAAAAAAMM/nvMgvvon0PA/s1600-h/IMG_9227.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S1-nvTjwlyI/AAAAAAAAAMM/nvMgvvon0PA/s320/IMG_9227.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431244106778056482" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S1-nfqxG6gI/AAAAAAAAAME/ecuvcY__8wc/s1600-h/IMG_9172.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S1-nfqxG6gI/AAAAAAAAAME/ecuvcY__8wc/s320/IMG_9172.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431243838130153986" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S1-nPiP3WKI/AAAAAAAAAL8/wo0gbHo4E5g/s1600-h/IMG_9253+bw.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/S1-nPiP3WKI/AAAAAAAAAL8/wo0gbHo4E5g/s320/IMG_9253+bw.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5431243560965331106" border="0" /></a> <div style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:78%;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Parker Andrew - 25 hours old</span><br /></span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-9562132344523239632010-01-12T09:55:00.024-06:002012-04-18T20:31:00.100-05:00<div style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Parker Andrew</span></span><br />Newborn Portraits<br />January 12, 2010 - 25 hours old<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzfuQqipEI/AAAAAAAAAQk/9-EbbFw2N4E/s1600/IMG_9176.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzfuQqipEI/AAAAAAAAAQk/9-EbbFw2N4E/s320/IMG_9176.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484504432070796354" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzfbtSZcyI/AAAAAAAAAQc/JNPi9GBkbz8/s1600/IMG_9161.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzfbtSZcyI/AAAAAAAAAQc/JNPi9GBkbz8/s320/IMG_9161.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484504113336644386" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzfKVbFE4I/AAAAAAAAAQU/XgpVv9iRqNA/s1600/IMG_9170.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzfKVbFE4I/AAAAAAAAAQU/XgpVv9iRqNA/s320/IMG_9170.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484503814872830850" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBze4CK04mI/AAAAAAAAAQM/zrrs9uQYS9Y/s1600/IMG_9172.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBze4CK04mI/AAAAAAAAAQM/zrrs9uQYS9Y/s320/IMG_9172.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484503500466741858" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzebke2jYI/AAAAAAAAAP8/eCAl0OJqNoo/s1600/IMG_9186.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzebke2jYI/AAAAAAAAAP8/eCAl0OJqNoo/s320/IMG_9186.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484503011461336450" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzeJFfyvdI/AAAAAAAAAP0/8VB7-ySIPiw/s1600/IMG_9187.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzeJFfyvdI/AAAAAAAAAP0/8VB7-ySIPiw/s320/IMG_9187.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484502693906136530" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzd53gN9hI/AAAAAAAAAPs/mmjUPqyOnu8/s1600/IMG_9188.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzd53gN9hI/AAAAAAAAAPs/mmjUPqyOnu8/s320/IMG_9188.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484502432451786258" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzdsS0ZAQI/AAAAAAAAAPk/heY2Td6J6F4/s1600/IMG_9192.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzdsS0ZAQI/AAAAAAAAAPk/heY2Td6J6F4/s320/IMG_9192.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484502199265984770" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzdctau4QI/AAAAAAAAAPc/-iqtOGlSOsU/s1600/IMG_9196.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzdctau4QI/AAAAAAAAAPc/-iqtOGlSOsU/s320/IMG_9196.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484501931528216834" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzdOClOvXI/AAAAAAAAAPU/1OilK_WFUMY/s1600/IMG_9216bw+-+Copy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzdOClOvXI/AAAAAAAAAPU/1OilK_WFUMY/s320/IMG_9216bw+-+Copy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484501679511354738" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzc--dPwgI/AAAAAAAAAPM/RPkF7nf6Trs/s1600/IMG_9223.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzc--dPwgI/AAAAAAAAAPM/RPkF7nf6Trs/s320/IMG_9223.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484501420706087426" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzc0JYOvQI/AAAAAAAAAPE/5QgaAk6A4g0/s1600/IMG_9227.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzc0JYOvQI/AAAAAAAAAPE/5QgaAk6A4g0/s320/IMG_9227.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484501234659278082" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzch_JcFVI/AAAAAAAAAO8/8DM6JVUcVWk/s1600/IMG_9234bw.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzch_JcFVI/AAAAAAAAAO8/8DM6JVUcVWk/s320/IMG_9234bw.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484500922675238226" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzcUj1PIgI/AAAAAAAAAO0/bR3DD1mml7U/s1600/IMG_9238.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzcUj1PIgI/AAAAAAAAAO0/bR3DD1mml7U/s320/IMG_9238.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484500692004446722" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzcHDZ2c-I/AAAAAAAAAOs/MRB5dccnHKg/s1600/IMG_9245.JPG"><br /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzb4s4GAiI/AAAAAAAAAOk/DbXaueRToCE/s1600/IMG_9248.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzb4s4GAiI/AAAAAAAAAOk/DbXaueRToCE/s320/IMG_9248.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484500213396013602" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzbnbqpu9I/AAAAAAAAAOc/hJV_8aqqywM/s1600/IMG_9249.JPG"><br /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzbZYn1njI/AAAAAAAAAOU/DEp_GbAKSBc/s1600/IMG_9253.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzbZYn1njI/AAAAAAAAAOU/DEp_GbAKSBc/s320/IMG_9253.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484499675383176754" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzbIh2UNKI/AAAAAAAAAOM/CkhbnAoD1aU/s1600/IMG_9259.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBzbIh2UNKI/AAAAAAAAAOM/CkhbnAoD1aU/s320/IMG_9259.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5484499385802044578" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/TBza7EzlO0I/AAAAAAAAAOE/f7AfHKfPuHE/s1600/IMG_9264.JPG"><br /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-21544594916976319992009-12-25T23:58:00.001-06:002009-12-26T00:01:41.346-06:00Merry Christmas!I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas even though this year found me exhausted, often crabby, unable to walk well or move at times, begging for the energy to even wrap presents, etc. Even so, I still find myself sitting here in the last hour of Christmas night, listening to the last carols play on the radio in an otherwise silent house, sad to see it go. <br /><br />I love Christmas - it is my favorite time of year. I love fall so much as its leading to now. I love the snow, the cold, the hustle, wrapping presents, baking, our tree and lights. I love gathering with family and anticipation. I never imagined I’d be so extremely exhausted at the end of pregnancy though and didn’t do very much of that at all this year and I feel a little sad that I missed out on some things. Luckily I have a pretty fantastic husband who helped me clean the house and bake the last of the cookies last night and did quite a bit in regards to cooking dinner tonight and cleaning it all up so I could lay down and shut my eyes. <br /><br />I assumed that since I didn’t have the energy to get as into the holidays this year as those past I wouldn’t be quite so sad to see them go.. But I was wrong. Even without the energy to do everything I normally love… this Christmas was the best ever. Caden was so into opening his presents and just so filled with excitement and happiness over everything and my second son, the one I wished so deeply for this time last year, rolled and bumped inside of me… cookies and pretty tags and bows just didn’t matter. <br /><br />Last night we went to my mom’s to celebrate with her, my brothers, and their families. The boy’s were quite spoiled - Grandma really goes all out. Caden was so into opening those presents and just couldn’t wait to get his hands on the next - and it wasn‘t even about what was inside. <br />When we got home I let Caden open one of his presents - a pair of snowmen jammies (4T btw). He opened the present and exclaimed with all the excitement he had and ever so genuinely, “A BOX!!!!!”. After he opened the box and shouted with just as much enthusiasm “Snowmen!”, Steve helped him put on his new jammies - you’d have thought they were painted on. Poor kid, he looked hilarious! That was a big fail but even so he didn’t mind. Steve put him to bed (in a pair of properly fitting, though less festive, jammies) just in time for Santa to come and fill beneath our tree and Steve and I finished up some last minute prep for guests Christmas night. We took out our camcorder to charge the batteries, the video from last Christmas still inside (I tend to use my camera more than our camcorder even for video - a habit I wish to break) - he has grown so much in one short year. I try to take every bit of this time with him in and lock every detail away in memory but no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to comprehend just how quickly he has grown. <br /><br />Christmas morning came and I loved hearing the excitement in Caden’s voice this morning as he stepped into the living room, looked at the tree and all the presents<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SzWmj6ZakcI/AAAAAAAAALs/NGw32knt55w/s1600-h/IMG_0288.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SzWmj6ZakcI/AAAAAAAAALs/NGw32knt55w/s200/IMG_0288.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5419420862511747522" /></a> waiting and exclaimed “presents!!!” He happily sat and waited while Daddy made our traditional Christmas breakfast of cinnamon rolls and then he got to dive in. He was so genuinely excited about every thing he opened - the first being his little brother’s presents (just in case). Parker got a pretty new bouncer and when Caden tore off the paper he turned and looked at me with the happiest face and shouted “A baby!!!!!” He didn’t realize just how correct that statement was.. However Parker is the one deciding on when to make that arrival. <br /><br />It was just a wonderful morning watching the joy in his little face over every little thing. Steve, I mean Santa, brought him a race track that shoots his disney cars around in loops and the look on his face when his Daddy started it up for the first time was priceless. “OH WOW!” he shouted as he laughed. <br />Mom and Dad were spoiled as well of course and I love everything I received… but it just doesn’t compare to how happy Caden and Parker have made me this year - and I know Steve would agree. <br /><br />I am without a doubt the luckiest. I am without a doubt blessed. <br /><br />…………………………<br /><br />Obviously we’re still waiting on the biggest gift of all this year - I think its safe to say he finally dropped over the past few days and my pelvis is sure feeling it. Steve is sure this week coming up, week 39, is the week but then my Dad was sure Parker was making his arrival Christmas eve and my friend was sure Wednesday (2 days ago) was the day. Myself… I have absolutely no idea. Part of me agrees with Steve, part of me thinks he is holding on until the new year. Hopefully soon because I don’t want to fight the section fight. <br /><br />While we count down the days we have plenty to keep us busy - the focus now can turn to baby and getting the house ready - big stuff is done at least! Since we hosted a small dinner tonight a lot of the cleaning is done but the decorations still need to come down… I think I’ll go ahead and wait until new years day as I normally do - entice Murphy’s law to take effect and make me kick myself for not taking the tree down sooner, of course now that I said that….Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-69522359243072926352009-12-08T17:15:00.002-06:002009-12-08T17:17:42.487-06:00Snow storms and ultrasounds at 36 weeksToday Steve had the morning off of work and we all woke early for a final ultrasound - part for my peace of mind. I was high risk with Caden (preeclampsia at 22-23 weeks) and find the lack of monitoring this round strange but welcome - really enjoying the whole normal pregnancy thing. Caden was born by emergency c-section and we’re hoping and planning that Parker will be born by VBAC - at one point my placenta was over my scar slightly which worried me but I’m happy to say that while still right out front, its high and far from the scar. <br /><br />Caden came with us to the appt and did great - he was supposed to go to my mom’s but due to snow the roads were a little messy and traffic filled so we just brought him with us rather than be late. He was happy to play with all the toys and everything went much more smoothly than I anticipated.<br /><br />Parker looks great - we got a bunch of pics but you can’t see much in any of them due to how scrunched up he is. He spent most of the ultrasound with his hands tucked up by his little face playing with his toes and a peek around displayed what appears to be a good amount of hair on his little head, something I’ve been wondering about due to all the heartburn I’ve been experiencing this time (minimal to none with Caden and he was bald until 2!). Seeing his little hands and feet just made me ache to hold him. I’m still hoping he holds off until after Christmas and I know I’ll miss being pregnant… but I cannot wait to see him, to feel is tiny fingers wrap around mine, to kiss his soft skin and tickle his tiny feet. <br /><br />We did get an estimate on his size and while I don’t put a lot of faith into ultrasounds and know they can be off, I think this is a pretty good estimate and is exactly what I was thinking it would be. Parker is estimated at 7lbs 1oz and I’m 36 weeks, so already a good sized baby. I was fully expecting him to be over 7lbs at this point even though Caden was born 7lbs 6oz at 39 weeks. I’m already much bigger than I ever was with Caden and when I run my hand along my belly feeling Parker’s back and poking at his tiny knees and feet he just feels big.. long. He isn’t measuring obscenely big or anything and its not a cause for concern - he is just going to be bigger than Caden. I’ll be surprised if he is less than 8lbs. In so many ways I’m expecting Caden again… my little bald adorable baby… its going to be crazy to see this completely different little guy come out. <br /><br />The rest of my appointment was fine except for one pretty big detail - my freaking blood pressure. I knew it was creeping up from my readings at home and the appt today confirmed that (136/88). Low enough that I avoided bringing home a little brown jug but I left with the promise to continue to monitor at home so that I can come in for labs in the event my BP is regularly above 140/90. Its been up there a lot the past few days which honestly made no sense to me and now I think my machine needs new batteries. The past few readings have been higher but safe, the biggest difference is fiddling with the batteries first. So, next time I’m out I’ll pick up a new pack. <br /><br />My urine strip was fine - no protein or sugar but even when my 24 hr urine came back above 500 with Caden it didn’t show much. For the entire 2nd half of my pregnancy with Caden I was spilling over 300 but the most I ever showed was a +1 once, so I don’t trust those a whole lot. I’m terrified of that little brown jug because I know if I get sent home with one its going to be above 300, preeclampsia or not. My baseline was already above 200 which is high for a female of my age (I also have tested positive for ANA so its something we need to start watching more closely and I’ll probably start seeing someone 4ish mo after Parker is born at request of my high risk obs). I feel a bit of swelling in my face but I get terrible “pregnancy face” and a big fat nose so its hard to tell the culprit. Hands and feet swell when I do too much or don’t drink enough - nothing to worry about. Weight was fine - I’m up about 24-25lbs this pregnancy. I no longer fit on the scale unless I stand sideways, hehe, so I haven’t paid too much attention to the numbers but I either gained nothing or lost a little from last week - so really things are looking good. <br /><br />I worry about the high BP taking away even a chance to VBAC. My doctors haven’t even mentioned it so its not being held over my head - after one hissy I already had I think they know better (plus the dr I see most understand my need for control and issues not having any here, so she handles those issues better than others). But I also know that high BP is always one of those vbac no-no foot notes. I brought it up to my mom and she reminded me (in a sincere and helpful way) that a year ago at this very moment I wasn’t even sure I could get pregnant again… and here I am. In the end I will do what is best for my children. But for now I plan to lay off things that seem to trigger swelling, stick to actually taking it easy as I am supposed to, and lots of water. And definitely new batteries in my blood pressure monitor. <br /><br />I also had my GBS swab and 1st internal - fantastic fun. I still remember just how much internals hurt but the first few are usually not too bad. Parker is -3 station, cervix is open on the outside but closed on the inside and I’m 50% effaced - all to be expected at 36 weeks. <br /><br />After all was said and done we did the usual ultrasound routine as we’ve always done <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Sx7eTWnDWII/AAAAAAAAALE/u-xMgvvrY3s/s1600-h/IMG_0174+-+Copy.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Sx7eTWnDWII/AAAAAAAAALE/u-xMgvvrY3s/s320/IMG_0174+-+Copy.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5413008226214172802" /></a>this pregnancy and headed out to breakfast - Oh was I hungry and I wanted it ALL! Sadly there wasn’t enough room to stuff it all in. My stomach has been squished up and now when I’m hungry… my left boob growls. Caden actually did fantastic at the restaurant, too, which is often hit or miss. When we got home Steve was able to shovel the drive from the inch or two of snow we got this morning before heading into the office and Caden had fun playing while he did. I need to buy him some snow pants. <br /><br />Tonight the snow is falling yet again and we’re expecting several inches - reports vary. Hoping the worst holds off until Steve heads home and I haven’t got that call yet. Part of me wants to go shovel the drive for him but I know that probably isn’t the best idea. I love the snow and with the exception of my husband having to drive home in it, look forward to snow storms. I remember looking out the window of my L&D room the night of my induction with Caden over a perfect, soft blanket of snow - nothing better than on Christmas and the day you’re winter baby is born.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-91658493610067435462009-12-07T09:38:00.003-06:002009-12-07T09:42:39.422-06:00A Big Brother and Final PreparationsSaturday morning we all woke up bright and early (well, earlier than I’d like!) to take Caden to his Big Brother class at the hospital. One of the main reasons I signed him up for the class was that it included a tour of the maternity section and such and I thought it would be nice for Caden to be acquainted with the hospital before seeing his Momma there for the first time. However, h1n1 restrictions have banned my little guy even though he poses no risk so there was no tour, and he won’t be allowed to see us while in the hospital after Parker is born. It is a policy that I find pointless and feel is detrimental to the well being of new mothers and families, especially when L&D is one area of the hospital that could easily screen for sick people rather than just banning anyone under 18, but that is a rant for an entirely different day. Hopefully our stay in the hospital will be short and sweet since Caden really isn’t going to understand being pulled away from his Mom like that. Anyway…<br /><br />The class was nice - Caden got a big brother t-shirt and coloring book to take home and colored a picture that I’ll save. We looked at a book and had a snack while waiting for class to begin and then the nurses read all the kids a story. They went over how to hold the baby using dolls and went through various baby items and feeding - Caden was happy to exclaim “Paci!!” when it was presented - he hasn’t had one in a long time but the fondness remains. There was a puppet show and a slide show to take place of the maternity tour… who knows, maybe the restrictions will be lifted in time for Parker’s arrival but its doubtful. Finally Caden had a blast at the end running around and playing with the other kids.<br /><br />I’m not sure how much everything actually prepared him for just how much his world his about to be rocked, but then I also think he does understand more than I give <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Sx0iO_N09eI/AAAAAAAAAK8/1jvYc51c-ng/s1600-h/IMG_0088.JPG"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Sx0iO_N09eI/AAAAAAAAAK8/1jvYc51c-ng/s320/IMG_0088.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5412519968052147682" border="0" /></a>him credit for. The fact that Momma’s big round belly contains a little human being is such an obscure concept to even me that I don’t believe he could grasp it… but maybe I’m wrong. We talk about Parker a lot and Caden exclaims “Parker!!” when he gets a glimpse of my belly. He is happy to give Parker kisses and rubs and to tell us that parker is in the belly…. But sometimes Parker is in his belly, too, and sometimes he likes to check in with the doppler as well. We tell Caden that Parker is a baby and Caden loves babies and Caden will talk to my belly as he would a person “Hello Parker, How are you doing, Parker?” So maybe he understands more than I know. Of course how much he understands that this little being is going to come live with us in a few short weeks and Caden will have to share his Momma from now on is something I think will be a bit more difficult to accept. I don’t except the transition from only to big brother is going to go perfect and I’m sure Caden will act out… but I also think it will go better than expected and I know he is going to be an amazing big brother.<br /><br />We’re slowly but surely getting things done around the house in preparation for Parker’s arrival. Caden has been in his big boy bed and the crib in the nursery for months now and Caden had not a single issue with that transition nor has he wanted his crib back. The nursery is painted and all the big projects done. With the exception of a gallon ziplock of baby socks that has gone missing, most of the laundry is done and organized. I still need to wash the crib bedding but my plan is to old off as long as possible due to the cats enjoying a snooze here and there in the crib. I still have plenty of small projects to keep me busy and tons to do for Christmas, but as long as the aches and pains and sniffles stay away I think I just might be able to get a lot of it done.<br /><br />Last night Steve put the bassinet together and we rearranged some of the furniture in the bedroom to accommodate it. I still have some basic cleaning and organizing to take care of but should Parker decide to arrive earlier than anticipated, at least we have the basics ready to go.<br />Caden was quite interested in the bassinet at first but is now aware that it is for the baby - “it’s the baby’s bed! He goes Ni-night there!”. We still have plenty to do but I feel great knowing progress on the little things is being made.<br /><br />Plans for this week include a nasty snow storm coming Tomorrow - I’m actually looking forward to it though I hate that Steve has to go out in in and I’m not quite sure how the driveway is going to be cleared - may have to wait for Steve to get home. Tomorrow morning we have our final ultrasound and a routine OB appt and I’m hoping to finally get in for my massage on Thursday. My mom is taking Caden overnight on Satruday and to a Christmas Party on Sunday - Steve and I are using this time to have a date night and to do my belly cast. And my general goals for this week include:<br /><br />Finish sewing basket liners<br />Finish mini albums for Christmas<br />Hang photos in hall<br />Organize book case in nursery<br />Finish our bedroom and baby nook<br /><br />I’m hoping this is the beginning of a renewed relationship with my blog. I made sure to take the photos, record the footnotes, and enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest extent, but I do regret that I didn’t record more of it here. The good news is that I did elsewhere so at least I have something. I’ve always had to much I wanted to say but didn’t give myself the time (or energy as it seems these days) to sit down and say it. I’m hoping that all changes. I have so many details recorded and saved from Caden’s birth and first days and plan to do the same for Parker. In an attempt to catch up I did spend a good chunk of yesterday morning updating our Maternity and belly pics and even included a handy dandy link on the left. Now to just keep up! As the snow blankets outside it feels like the perfect time to recommit myself ;)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-56538851659599498342009-12-06T11:30:00.007-06:002012-04-18T13:52:20.999-05:00Belly Pics<div style="text-align: center;">41 weeks<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/41%20weeks/5f5bac11.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 239px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/41%20weeks/5f5bac11.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">40 weeks<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/40%20weeks/0831a4ff.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/40%20weeks/0831a4ff.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/40%20weeks/bca21631.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 239px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/40%20weeks/bca21631.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>37 weeks<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/37%20weeks/989cd10a.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/37%20weeks/989cd10a.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">36 weeks<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/36%20weeks/b245fcb7.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/36%20weeks/b245fcb7.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span>35 weeks<br /><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/35%20weeks/2290c522.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 239px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/35%20weeks/2290c522.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/35%20weeks/555b40a6.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 245px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/35%20weeks/555b40a6.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">32 weeks<br /><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/32%20weeks/32weeks016.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/32%20weeks/32weeks016.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/32%20weeks/32weeks026.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/32%20weeks/32weeks026.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />31 weeks<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/31%20weeks/IMG_9921-Copy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 239px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/31%20weeks/IMG_9921-Copy.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>30 weeks<br /><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/30%20weeks/IMG_9820.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/30%20weeks/IMG_9820.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/30%20weeks/IMG_9847.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/30%20weeks/IMG_9847.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />28 weeks<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/28%20weeks/IMG_9628.jpg"><br /></a><br />27 weeks<br /><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/27%20weeks/IMG_9396.jpg"><br /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/27%20weeks/IMG_9421.jpg"><br /></a><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/27%20weeks/IMG_9389.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/27%20weeks/IMG_9389.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />26 weeks<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/26%20weeks/IMG_9329.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/26%20weeks/IMG_9329.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />24 weeks<br /><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/24%20weeks/IMG_9260.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/24%20weeks/IMG_9260.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/24%20weeks/IMG_9249.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/24%20weeks/IMG_9249.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">23 weeks<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/23%20weeks/IMG_9215.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/23%20weeks/IMG_9215.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />22 weeks<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/22%20weeks/IMG_9146.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/22%20weeks/IMG_9146.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />20 weeks<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/20%20weeks/IMG_9107.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/20%20weeks/IMG_9107.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />18 weeks<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/18%20weeks/IMG_9030-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 210px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/18%20weeks/IMG_9030-1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />16 weeks<br /><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/16%20weeks/16weekBelly.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/16%20weeks/16weekBelly.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">12 weeks<br /><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/12%20weeks/IMG_8637.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 213px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/12%20weeks/IMG_8637.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/12%20weeks/IMG_8598.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/12%20weeks/IMG_8598.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Belly%20Pics/IMG_8286.jpg"><br /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-43752119356472979182009-12-06T11:11:00.010-06:002012-04-18T13:50:45.750-05:00Maternity/Family Photos<div style="text-align: center;">On October 17, 2009 we had a maternity/family photography session at a beautiful park in Wheaton, Illinois. These are a few of our favorite images out of over 700+! I was 29 weeks pregnant.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/4818d372.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 319px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/4818d372.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/e8be7d46.jpg"><br /></a><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/973fca41.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 304px; height: 400px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/973fca41.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/1db9588f.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 292px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/1db9588f.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/0d3021b3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/0d3021b3.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/15fa4ba4.jpg"><br /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/fea0f215.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/fea0f215.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/5e07d6ff.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/5e07d6ff.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;">Unedited<br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/e3278524.jpg"><br /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/_DSC0345.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 212px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/_DSC0345.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/_DSC0160.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 212px; height: 319px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/_DSC0160.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/_DSC0327.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 212px; height: 319px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/_DSC0327.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/_DSC0341.jpg"><br /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/07236d39.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 212px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/07236d39.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/1%20Family%20Maternity%20Photos/not%20edited/76b0e5d0.jpg"><br /></a><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-50346578486197448142009-11-25T16:19:00.002-06:002009-11-25T16:20:17.370-06:00ThanksgivingA year ago I laid on the table in a dark exam room for an ultrasound that confirmed my diagnosis of PCOS.. Even thought the labs already said it all. I remember being sad and being upset, but I don’t remember those emotions being overwhelming - At that point I already knew we weren’t getting pregnant on our own. I already knew something was wrong. When the first labs came back I cried knowing there really was something wrong, that it was something I had to deal with the rest of my life. That this wasn’t something that would just fix itself (though I still hold out hope). But by the time the ultrasound came, even though I had hope there would be nothing there, reality had started to settle in.<br /><br />I remember starting Provera and Met and feeling hopeful, and perfect timing with the holidays and all. We had a great Christmas - I loved being on Provera that one time simply because it meant I didn’t have to think about infertility or ttc or temping or stress. I just had to focus on that step and the hope.<br /><br />I remember standing at the island in the kitchen decorating Christmas cookies and humming along to the music in the background. I remember so clearly being able to see myself next Christmas, now this Christmas, doing the exact same thing with a big round pregnant belly. I remember smiling at the thought.<br /><br />And here I sit, exactly one year after that ultrasound, with my big round 34 week pregnant belly realizing just how correct that mental image all those months ago was. My baby, my second little boy, is pushing around back and forth inside me. I’m talking to a friend, reminiscing about funny stories from those first few weeks after Caden was born and with each laugh Parker wiggles and pushes as if he thinks its funny, too… or maybe he just has even more grand plans in store for us.<br /><br />Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for so very much. For my beautiful little boy Caden who is so funny and so sweet and gives the best hugs in all the world, for my husband, my family, a healthy pregnancy and my baby soon to join us. I am thankful that I am able to look back and see the good. That there was good - there always has been and always will be.<br /><br />And on a side note, I actually had more to say but managed to burn my thumb with boiling water so thats all for now!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-28309658518500601332009-08-26T12:27:00.004-05:002009-08-26T13:05:36.599-05:00It’s A.... (and we have a name, too!)I guess its probably a good think I don’t have any sort of formal commitment to this blog - yet I still feel absolutely terrible about being so slow when it comes to update. Its not that I have nothing to say - at any moment I have a million thoughts running through my head - rants to post, moments to remember, whatever... Its the execution of actually sitting down and getting it out that I lack.<br /><br />I’m 21 weeks pregnant, over the halfway mark and the next 19ish weeks are going to be over in the blink of an eye. They’d pass quickly as is but with fall, the holidays, etc mixed in there this baby is going to be here before we know it.<br /><br />On the 18th we had our “big” ultrasound. The best news of the day was that our baby is healthy and all looks well - measuring right on track and estimated to weigh 12oz. We were also able to confirm that we are in fact having another little boy!!! We were running a little late to the appointment and while he was super active in the car, by the time we made it he was all tuckered out so we didn’t get a ton of good pics. We were able to see him in 3D in an attempt to get some better pics of his face and profile and while the pics are nice for 20 weeks, 3D ultrasounds this early, when baby is lacking fat, are pretty creepy. Even in creepy mode though he is still adorable of course! The newest pics of our little man, Parker Andrew, can be found by clicking<strong><span style="color:#3366ff;"> </span></strong><a href="http://acceptingmyreality.blogspot.com/2007/03/ultrasounds-baby-2.html"><strong><span style="color:#3366ff;">here!!</span></strong></a><br /><br />After the ultrasound Steve and I had a really nice day together. My mom had Caden and we knew he’d rather play there than go shopping so it was just us for the first time in a long while. We bought clothes for winter and fall for both of the boys - I loved buying itty bitty baby items again. Because both of my babies will be January boys, we already have lots of seasonally appropriate clothes, but I want Parker to have his own - plus, its fun ;)<br /><br />As for me I’m doing well! My next appointment is on the 1st - this is the point that I got sick with Caden so of course we’re all holding our breath a little. The good news is any swelling (and there has been extremely little) has been isolated and explained by lots of activity and heat. My weight gain is stead and is at 5-6lbs total. I had a dentist appt yesterday and they took my BP and it was a little high (135/86) which scared the hell out of me - but of course I was at the dentist. I grabbed some batteries for my BP monitor at home and have started to monitor myself. At home my BP has been in the low 120s/70s - this mornings reading was 114/67 - so my BP actually looks to be doing well.<br /><br />As it turns out I have an anterior placenta this time - its located on the right side of my belly. Lucky for me, Parker loves to hang out on my left so I still feel him wiggle and kick move quite often. I don’t think its quite the frequency it was with caden as I can’t feel him when he is turned into or behind my placenta, but I feel him all throughout the day and I love it :) I can even see his larger kicks!! Today he gave me several good ones to the belly button, one was strong enough to move my hand.<br /><br />..................<br /><br />We’ve been in baby mode around here quite often and I love it. My energy seems to come in spurts and after the productivity of the last two weeks, I find myself lazing it up quite a bit this week. We finished our shelving project in the garage, finally finished the hall closet door (trim and hardware), bought all of Caden’s new furniture, picked everything up (well, mattress set and bed was delivered - dresser is on backorder but should be shipping next week), cleared out my scrap room and moved most if it downstairs, ordered Parker’s bedding, set up the crib... I still have a ton I need to do though and should probably start formulating a list - they seem to keep me on track. Every room needs organizing, especially Caden’s. The closet of Parker’s room still needs cleared out and I’m hoping to get some work done in there over labor day weekend. The house needs a nice deep cleaning, shopping, scrapping, Halloween, Christmas, 3rd Birthday... Lots to do and minimal time to do it.<br /><br />I’m also hoping to set up some sort of maternity/family portraits, probably for the end of October. We also went ahead and booked another trip to the Dells the first week in October. When we took Caden there in March, I knew I wanted to take him at least one more time before a new baby came (that cycle had failed, so timeline was unsure). We’ll be taking both our boys up many times I know, but I wanted one more with just him. So thats what we’re doing! We’re going to be staying at the Kalahari this time :)<br /><br /><br />As stated we did get Caden's "big boy" bed and that is <a href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/Caden/IMG_9135.jpg"><strong><span style="color:#6633ff;">all set up</span></strong>.</a> Once the dresser gets here we'll probably move things around a bit but for now it works and I like it. Caden <a href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/Caden/IMG_9136.jpg"><strong><span style="color:#6633ff;">loves his bed</span></strong> </a>but its taken a few days (and getting up rather early) to get used to it. Things have gone extremely well so I'm not complaining! <a href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/Caden/IMG_9138.jpg"><strong><span style="color:#6633ff;">Dragon and Dog</span></strong> </a>love their new bed, too :). I still find myself amazed at just how quickly he is growing. Seeing his crib set up in the other room again (its been a toddler bed for almost a year now) is crazy... I can't believe he has moved on, and soon there will be another little man sleeping in there. It seems like just yesterday Steve was setting up that bed while we anticiapted the arrival of our first... not that 3 years have actually passed.<br /><br />Well, another long rambling update that went a million places. I really wanted to document my thoughts and emotions better this pregnancy and while I jot notes regularly in my pregnancy planner, its not the same. So I’m going to get some things done around this house, and make it my goal to update this journal with at least a few of those thoughts wandering about my mind on a much more regular basis. And I suppose a few belly pics are needed!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-17650987118940190942009-07-12T10:43:00.003-05:002009-07-12T20:11:49.626-05:002nd Tri, NT scan, Still the happiest<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SlpA565_ViI/AAAAAAAAAJE/lWEMipe0YTc/s1600-h/Profile+RESIZED.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 255px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SlpA565_ViI/AAAAAAAAAJE/lWEMipe0YTc/s320/Profile+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357666070519830050" /></a><br />Today I am 15 weeks pregnant with a healthy little peep and securely in my second trimester. While I am well aware that nothing is guaranteed, I'm feeling much more secure and positive and all I want to do is enjoy the last 5.5 months of my pregnancy to the fullest - There isn’t a Momma on Earth more happy than me. (And wow - can we really only have 5.5 months until we welcome this little one?<br /><br />I know as I approach my 22/23rd week and beyond there is sure to be a little hesitation, watching in the mirror more, checking hands and feet, watching for weight increases and keeping an even closer eye on my BP - 22/23 weeks is when I developed Preeclampsia with Caden and began my 4 month stint on the couch. But I'm feeling good about things - Despite the PCOS and the +ANA and my already sluggish kidneys... I refuse to anticipate the same path. I haven't gained any weight yet (down 2 lbs) and while I'm sure to start gaining now, with Caden I was already packing on the pounds. I remember with my previous pregnancy my feet and lower legs would tingle if I stood too long... I can't remember when it started but so far so good. I do remember that by this point last time I couldn't wear both my engagement ring and wedding band comfortably at the same time, and by the end of the day it was very hard to get any ring I was wearing off. Currently I can wear both rings without issue. I just feel good, very good, and I am hoping that is an indication of the months to come. I do not want to be on bed rest for any length of time - We have so much planned for this fall - Apple picking and the pumpkin patch, Halloween parties and mommy and me classes, and hopefully a trip with Caden up to the Dells. I want to go out in public and show off my big round belly, I want a reason to wear cute maternity clothes and have fun with my son, and most of all I want no reason to sit up at 4am worrying... crying over a tiny sleeper in a soon to be nursery.<br /><br />::::::::::<br /><br />Just about 2 weeks ago Steve and I found ourselves at the hospital in the office of our High Risk OBs for our NT scan. Despite the common reason of "I wouldn't abort so I don't get screenings"... We wouldn't abort so we DID get the screening - to prepare, to ensure our child the best possible outcome.... but thats a post for another day. Anyway...<br /><br />Beyond the test it was nice to sit down and talk with one of my all time favorite Doctors, Dr. K. We saw him every month or so in addition to my regular doctors for the 2nd half of my pregnancy with Caden and he was awesome.<br /><br />First up was the ultrasound portion and blood prick...<br />It was amazing to see our baby now, at 13 weeks... His/her tiny little arms and hands, swimming and kicking and flipping around. If it were up to me I would have laid there for hours watching him/her. At the end we did take a look between baby's legs and have an early guess, but it really is much too early to say for sure and we're trying not to get attached to the idea, though we kind of already have.<br />My risk for Downs Syndrome based on Age alone (I'm 26, 27 in August) was 1/898. After blood and ultrasound, that risk is now 1/2692. Age alone risk for Trisomy 13 & 18 was 1/1741. My risk is 1/34,801 - So, normal results - screen negative.<br /><br />We sat down with Dr. K afterwards and talked mainly about my previous pregnancy, current diagnosis, and where that leads us now. He started me on Baby Aspirin again and now we just wait and see. We also talked about my baseline 24hr urine being a little high and coupled with the ANA it is something we need to start keeping an eye on. Dr. K gave me the name of a doctor he likes and about 3-4 months after I have the baby I need to start getting regular checkups. He said its nothing to be alarmed about right now, maybe it will develop into something, maybe not... maybe 5 years from now, maybe 10.... but this way we'll catch anything that may develop early and have a plan in place.<br />We'll also be going back to Dr. K on September 3rd (22 weeks) for a heart study - Nothing to indicated anything wrong with the baby (heart looked great) but my little brother has a heart condition and while I do not believe it is genetic, Dr. K wants to be on the safe side.<br /><br />::::::::::<br /><br />Last week was another prenatal appointment with my main OBs. Again everything was normal - baby's HR in the 160s, down 2 lbs, urine and BP looked good, etc. We chatted a bit and set up my next round of appointments - Another routine OB appt on August 4th and the "big" ultrasound on August 18th.<br /><br />We decided to go ahead and discontinue use of Metformin as we were now in the 2nd trimester. The benefit regarding miscarriage is no longer applicable and any further benefit to continue the drug is still unclear. My dr decided to further research continued use of the drug and I did my own - from the talk on boards I assumed I'd find undisputable evidence to continue the drug and I did not. I found many articles supporting continued use... but then I found many articles that showed no significant results. In the end we decided, and I agree, its best for me to go off the drug.<br /><br />I'm excited about this... we're weaning off and now I'm down to my last week at 500mg (was at 1500). I'm excited not to have to remember pills, I'm excited at the prospect of being "normal" again, though I know that really isn't true. And I don't want to be putting drugs in my body if there is no reason to.<br /><br />I was feeling calm and relaxed... Until I was told the story of so and so who stopped met and lost a baby in the 2nd tri which started the anxiety gears in motion. I know that is still a risk regardless, but there is no indication the metformin will prevent it. Even so I didn't want to risk another month of anxiety waiting for my next appt to know the baby is okay so Steve and I decided to rent a doppler. I have had my doppler 3 days now and outside of the urge to lay around listening to my baby all day, I love having it. I want to limit my use of the doppler and I plan on sending it back once I can feel the baby regularly (I figure a month or two)but its nice to know that if the anxiety starts to creep in, I can lay down and know things are okay. I love hearing that perfect sound.<br /><br />::::::::::<br /><br />I suppose I really should update more - I doubt anyone has actually read to this point, but then again I want to document as much as possible for my sake (probably should update my organizer!).<br /><br />I'm feeling great - "morning" sickness is gone which has me pleased as can be. Still have heartburn and still a bit more sleepy than normal, but even my energy is starting to return. I've felt a few flutters, but nothing too strong yet and I'm still very much anticipating that first big kick. We've started doing a little more shopping for the baby and I find myself daydreaming of him/her on a regular basis.<br /><br />Caden is doing well and is so much fun... the fits still come but even those are less frequent and not quite the same intensity. We start toddler swim lessons tomorrow and Caden is so excited. He is such an amazing little man.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SlpAjSEtxnI/AAAAAAAAAI0/ikhn2qv3k4Q/s1600-h/Baby+peep!+RESIZED.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 250px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SlpAjSEtxnI/AAAAAAAAAI0/ikhn2qv3k4Q/s320/Baby+peep!+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357665681601840754" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SlpAXRyINLI/AAAAAAAAAIs/jQDcU__jo-U/s1600-h/Its+a+RESIZED.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 248px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SlpAXRyINLI/AAAAAAAAAIs/jQDcU__jo-U/s320/Its+a+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357665475365450930" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-45526383326616897812009-06-24T15:22:00.000-05:002009-06-24T15:23:01.636-05:00Right Side UpI’m 12 weeks 3 days pregnant today.... And I feel pretty damn good. I’m happy - I’ve always been happy with my life, minus the infertility aspect, but now all the pieces seem to fit and I am just happy. With everything. I’m blessed to have a beautiful little boy who is just so funny - who loves to shower you with kisses and hugs and charms everyone he meets (ask his new girlfriend at the maternity store) - though he can still throw an impressive fit. I’m bless to have a supportive, caring husband who is a terrific father, to have a wonderful family, a home, a baby on the way... I think a new blog background is needed... My life, or any aspect of it, doesn’t feel quite so upside down.<br /><br />Two weeks ago we had our 2nd OB appointment and at 10 weeks we were able to hear the baby’s heartbeat by Doppler. S/he was snuggled up behind one of my blood vessels so we were hearing both the baby and me at the same time - HR was in the 160s. <br /><br />I’m feeling a lot better - The exhaustion still hits and the super laziness is still around, but the “morning” sickness seems to be getting better - it still comes and goes but not nearly as bad. I can’t really remember what my sickness was like during Caden’s pregnancy but I do think it was much worse this time, including several occasions of getting physically sick (never threw up with Caden). But its passing, the first trimester is passing, and it could have been much worse. The heartburn I could most definitely live without though, ugh. Other then a day or two very early on, and maybe an occasion or two toward the end, I don’t remember having any heartburn with Caden. This time even water gives me heartburn. But overall its a small price to pay.<br /><br />On the 30th we have the NT scan - I debated and stressed over this just as I did with the quad result with Caden. In the end, I decided to go ahead with the testing. We aren’t doing it so we have the option to terminate - but I don’t think most people go into these screens thinking such. We’re doing this so we can be prepared mentally and medically for a special needs child if that is what is in our future. And by medically I mean check for other defects that are common with some chromosomal abnormalities, such as heart defects, and prepare for them. But most of all I’m doing this for piece of mind - and I so hope that is what we are left with in a week. <br />I thought about skipping the test... Skipping the anxiety... But really all that would do is delay the anxiety. I worried that as my due date drew closer or during delivery or those moments after birth would be tarnished by the thought of “is my baby okay”. But to be perfectly honest I wish this test was a decision never placed in my hands to make. <br /><br />The day after our NT scan ,a week from today, July 1, 2009... I’ll enter the 2nd trimester. In so many ways I cannot believe how quickly this pregnancy is progressing.... But in so many more I can’t wait to make it there. <br /><br />I find myself allowing my mind to drift to our future as a family of 4 more often these days. We talk about the baby, or “baby peep” (given the baby’s conception being the night before/day of Easter), regularly. Kid has become kids, and I look at Caden’s baby pics and smile a second time knowing that soon we’ll have another chubby cheeked little one cooing and giggling in our arms. We browse baby aisles and talk about what is needed and what is not. I pat my belly which has started to round out and pop a bit and smile. We toss out names in passing and day dream about winter, about next summer, about forever.<br /><br />I still find myself holding my breath as I wait for July 1st... But on occasion, and happening more and more these days, I allow myself to breath and it is all just so perfect.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-77350521488804943862009-05-20T10:47:00.001-05:002009-07-12T13:52:13.431-05:00Long time, no blog...<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/ShQmtMqEOeI/AAAAAAAAAHU/gY2eILkdCUM/s1600-h/6+weeks+2+daysJM.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5337934016274512354" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 254px" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/ShQmtMqEOeI/AAAAAAAAAHU/gY2eILkdCUM/s320/6+weeks+2+daysJM.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br />When I started this blog I thought for sure I’d keep up with it more than I had in the past... I had a goal, something to work toward, and a lot on my mind. When that didn’t happen I thought for sure when I got pregnant that would be it... Now I would really be able to keep up... Again, that hasn’t quite happened.<br /><br />I suppose a lot of this has to do with the time of year - I just haven’t been online much in general and I haven’t had much desire to be. On days that morning sickness is at its worst, the last thing I want to do is stare at a computer screen... And with all the beautiful weather we’ve been having on the days morning sickness isn’t too bad, the last thing I want to do is be stuck inside and stare at a computer screen.<br /><br />The good news is that we have got a lot done. For a while now we have wanted to start a real veggie garden with a raised bed.. We finally got around to that. Thanks to the help of my awesome mom we got the bed done yesterday. Steve and I filled it with dirt last night and bought our plants and in a few minutes here Caden and I will head outside to get things planted. Beyond that I still need to plant flowers in one of the beds out front and mulch the other two. I also want to plant some flowers in containers out back and I want to make another bed along the back of the house. In addition to cleaning out the pond and getting that going, I think these things will be our focus this weekend.<br /><br />In addition to our yard, there is so much I want to get done around the house, too. We need to work on cleaning out and organizing the basement so that I can start moving and setting up my craft space down there. We need to start Caden’s “big boy” room, too. We’ve started collecting some things and hope to shop for the rest of the furniture and big items in a few weeks. I want to change the closet and interior door’s in the baby’s room (and the rest of the house, one down so far) and I still need to trim the door we have replaced. Then there is normal cleaning and upkeep around here....<br /><br />Add into that my desire to at least catch up on Caden’s scrapbook and work on a few other crafts and well.... Makes for a very busy me.<br /><br />............<br /><br />As for my pregnancy - so far things are going great! For the most part I feel pretty good - Morning sickness seems to come in waves and some days are definitely worse than others. Staying active and up and about seems to really help with how sick I feel. I threw up a few times a week or so ago but nothing since... Just lots of nausea but I’ve also been on the go just about constantly. Of course when I’m feeling good I’m worried that it means there is something wrong and then when the nausea hits again I wonder why I was crazy for wishing it back... Its a vicious cycle but well worth it. I seem to feel the worst around meals - Perhaps its the food or that I let myself get too hungry.. But so far I haven’t found a way around this one. I definitely have no complaints though - everything could be much worse and I am just feeling so blessed to be here.<br /><br />Before I got pregnant I was a little worried about exhaustion but it isn’t nearly as bad as it was with Caden. With him I was early to bed, early to rise and now its just the opposite. I think dealing with the exhaustion of PCOS in addition to having a toddler keeping me on my toes has helped. I can usually force myself to stay up until 11:30 if I must, but have been going to bed around 10:30pm on average. This was unheard of with Caden but I think this is a change in lifestyle... Post bed time is mommy time and I’m not ready to give that up! Afternoon naps are pretty common but then there are days, such as yesterday, I skip those too. It all depends on what I have to do. Things are definitely different this time around... And I think that has more to do with being responsible for an adorable little man more than anything.<br /><br />Other symptoms include the usual - my breasts aren’t tender but they never were with Caden either. However, they have increased in size. Pregnancy dreams are in full force and they are pretty crazy - and constant bathroom breaks are common. I don’t usually notice them unless we’re out or I’m trying to watch a movie or something, and in the middle of the night which gets annoying. A little bit of heartburn here and there and a lot of food aversions.. Fun mood swings and a bit more emotional..... And thats about it.<br /><br />I wish I could say the anxiety has gone but I still worry.. A lot. It has improved greatly, but I still have yet to fully settle into things. I still don’t *feel* pregnant but then I never really did with Caden, either. I keep saying that after the next appt I’ll feel better, and it helps, but not completely. My next appt isn’t until June 9th - I’ll be 10 weeks and hopefully we’ll hear the heartbeat by Doppler. I can’t wait.<br /><br />I have calmed down a lot from weeks prior at least... Ever since our ultrasound. I immediately update my various preg groups but am a bit ashamed I never posted here...<br /><br />............<br /><br />Our first ultrasound was last week on May 12th. I started this entry with a photo of our beautiful little baby because that was what was most important, even though I saved the best for last. Steve took the day off work since the appt was at 10:30am. We dropped Caden off at my Mom’s and headed in. I was so nervous - excited, but so very nervous.<br /><br />Linda (the sonographer) greeted us with a big smile and mentioned how happy she was to see my name for an OB ultrasound. We went into the room and got situated and then she turned the machine on. I immediately asked if there was a baby and she said to just hold on and turned the screen to me...<br />“there is the gestational sac....” to which my mind flashed to there only being a gestational sac and I blurted out “is there no heartbeat?!” Linda was clearly interrupted and simply asked “Now didn’t you see that little flicker?” A flicker? There was a flicker? I knew what a flicker meant and immediately all was right in my world. Steve squeezed my hand and Linda zoomed in... And there it was, clear as day.. Our beautiful little baby’s heart beating strongly at 122 bpm. With the exception of method for viewing, I could have sat there watching that little heart beating away all day.<br /><br />The baby measured right on track. I had a large-ish cyst on my left ovary which is suspected to be a corpus luteum cyst and the source of our little one. Before all was done we got to check in on him/her one more time. S/he might only have been a little blob on a computer screen, but I could help but fall in love.<br /><br />After the ultrasound we sat down with my doctor. She went over my labs and everything looked great except my 24 hour urine collection... It was within normal range but a little higher (low 200s) than what is she wanted to see. She said it might be worth re-checking after I have the baby (it is not currently a pregnancy issue) and it might warrant a further look into my kidney function, but she doesn’t think there is really anything to be done right now since it is still in normal range.<br /><br />After the appointment Steve and I headed to Borders to buy a pregnancy journal (ended up with 2!) and then we stopped off to buy the baby a gift as we did after Caden’s first appointment. This time we bought him/her 2 cute little sleepers and we bought big brother Caden some jammies, too. We then had a nice lunch before picking up the little man. It was a perfect day and we now have our little one’s first picture proudly displayed - I can’t wait to see (and meet!) him/her again.<br /><br />.........<br /><br />I think this entry has ended up long enough... I suppose that is what happens when you don’t update for a while. I want to make it a point to write more often as this is probably the best way I have to chronicle all of this right now, but at the same time I’m enjoying time away from the computer with my favorite two guys.... So we’ll see... ;)For now I have some veggies to plant...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-6207905975096902692009-05-12T14:16:00.000-05:002010-01-10T13:19:12.507-06:00Ultrasounds - Baby #2<div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:180%;">December 8, 2009<br />36 weeks, 2 days </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: normal;">3D - hand across face</span><br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/d055332c.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 370px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/d055332c.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/d055332c-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 370px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/d055332c-1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />hand playing with his little foot<br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/be46ca1e.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 368px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/be46ca1e.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/be46ca1e-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 368px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/be46ca1e-1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Hair growing off the back of his head<br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/6c1f3809.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 378px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/6c1f3809.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/6c1f3809-1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 378px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/6c1f3809-1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Still a boy!<br /></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/1bc267f8.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 480px; height: 390px;" src="http://i74.photobucket.com/albums/i255/Greene_Family/2nd%20PREGNANCY/Ultrasounds/36%20weeks/1bc267f8.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong>August 18, 2009 </strong></span><br /></div><div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong>20 weeks, 2 days </strong></span><br />hand - Middle of Screen<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuVrPltWI/AAAAAAAAAJM/Uelv_o3a5qg/s1600-h/20+week+hand+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374323049000973666" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 320px; height: 250px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuVrPltWI/AAAAAAAAAJM/Uelv_o3a5qg/s320/20+week+hand+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Head on left, body, spine on bottom<br /></div><div align="center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuh2N7mxI/AAAAAAAAAJU/K1fL0wQN_kY/s1600-h/20+week+spine+and+body+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374323258105240338" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 320px; height: 253px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuh2N7mxI/AAAAAAAAAJU/K1fL0wQN_kY/s320/20+week+spine+and+body+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Hand in front of face<br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVu8ry6nHI/AAAAAAAAAKE/aqVhqsfBLOg/s1600-h/20+week+hand+by+face+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374323719164042354" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 320px; height: 253px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVu8ry6nHI/AAAAAAAAAKE/aqVhqsfBLOg/s320/20+week+hand+by+face+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />Feet<br /><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVu3qwvLnI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/euwo5C7L5uQ/s1600-h/20+week+feet+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374323632987123314" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 320px; height: 251px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVu3qwvLnI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/euwo5C7L5uQ/s320/20+week+feet+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />It's a boy!!!<br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuzYTtgkI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/o9C-CzEGP0s/s1600-h/20+week+boy+bits+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374323559314063938" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 320px; height: 251px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuzYTtgkI/AAAAAAAAAJ0/o9C-CzEGP0s/s320/20+week+boy+bits+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />And another shot to confirm...<br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuvZc-xAI/AAAAAAAAAJs/mkHUhNwoM34/s1600-h/20+week+blurry+boy+bits+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374323490901902338" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 320px; height: 250px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuvZc-xAI/AAAAAAAAAJs/mkHUhNwoM34/s320/20+week+blurry+boy+bits+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />3D profile, a little distored but still cute! love the adorabel hand<br /><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuriofvvI/AAAAAAAAAJk/CemeW5VvKaQ/s1600-h/20+week+3D+profile+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374323424646643442" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 320px; height: 251px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVuriofvvI/AAAAAAAAAJk/CemeW5VvKaQ/s320/20+week+3D+profile+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a> 3D face - or smiling skeleton ;)<br /><br /><div><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVunoyqldI/AAAAAAAAAJc/NX7p7XCMjmQ/s1600-h/20+week+3D+face+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374323357580432850" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 320px; height: 246px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SpVunoyqldI/AAAAAAAAAJc/NX7p7XCMjmQ/s320/20+week+3D+face+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong>June 30, 2009<br />13 weeks, 2 days</strong><br /></span><br /></div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Slo3gUOg-KI/AAAAAAAAAIU/qdnoeZs25Ts/s1600-h/Profile+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357655735035558050" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 319px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Slo3gUOg-KI/AAAAAAAAAIU/qdnoeZs25Ts/s400/Profile+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Slo3dN88Y2I/AAAAAAAAAIM/d4Q0KOfe4F0/s1600-h/Baby+peep%21+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357655681811637090" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 312px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Slo3dN88Y2I/AAAAAAAAAIM/d4Q0KOfe4F0/s400/Baby+peep%21+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Slo3SVOESQI/AAAAAAAAAIE/1K0Y3sE1ITw/s1600-h/Its+a+RESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357655494783944962" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 310px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Slo3SVOESQI/AAAAAAAAAIE/1K0Y3sE1ITw/s400/Its+a+RESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><strong><span style="font-size:180%;">May 12, 2009<br />6 weeks, 2 days</span><br /></strong><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Slo3keGc7TI/AAAAAAAAAIc/448V4TUB8gg/s1600-h/6+weeks+2+daysRESIZED.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5357655806405569842" style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; width: 400px; height: 318px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Slo3keGc7TI/AAAAAAAAAIc/448V4TUB8gg/s400/6+weeks+2+daysRESIZED.jpg" border="0" /></a></div></div></div></div></div></div></div><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-31501084242544420402009-05-02T10:26:00.001-05:002012-04-18T20:36:37.908-05:00Firsts for the second timeFrom 571 to 1226, doubling time of 39.91 hours. Everything is fine.<br /><br />I asked if I should be concerned about that 571 number and my doctor assured me that I did not have to be. She said that it could have simply been one slow day - since we hadn’t checked betas in 6 days, who knows what happened. She seems to think the beta that tripled was off. She explained how the labs were done and how an error could be made... That no test is 100% and based on my first beta the 571 number was perfect. She emphasized over and over that the one single beta doesn’t matter, there is nothing she has seen to suggest a miscarriage, and that even though that 571 beta was lower than what I was expecting.. It was still within normal range and everything is progressing nicely.<br /><br />Thats not to say that something couldn’t still happen... It could. And I’m still very guarded over this pregnancy... But I’m going to focus on being happy. I’m going to focus on enjoying this pregnancy. Steve and I worked hard to get here and I need to believe that we will be holding out second child on our arms in 35 short weeks. I cannot focus on the bad “what ifs”, I will not focus on them. I am pregnant and so very happy to be.<br />..........<br /><br /><br />My first OB appointment was on Wednesday. It was so exciting and I had written all about it, but when I thought all this was being ripped away from me I deleted it and simply prayed for it all to be okay.<br /><br />Sitting in the waiting room that morning, waiting for my name to be called, if only for those minutes the reality that I was finally pregnant began to set in. The woman at the front desk (my favorite in the office) greeted me with a huge smile and a congratulations when I first stepped up to check in. I love that three years later everyone in my doctor’s office is still there. Everyone is so sweet and after my last pregnancy, probably since I was there so much (weekly at 23 wks, twice a week at 33), I kind of missed them - not going to the doctor just felt weird.... Well, for all of a day.<br />I smiled when I saw my chart was blue (for obstetrics) again.... I sat in my char and browsed through the pregnancy magazines and articles instead of looking to the ground. I was just so very happy.<br /><br />My name was called and the routine was still so familiar... Weight, sample, blood pressure. Every time I go to my Obgyn my blood pressure is always high... White coat effect or whatever. At home and at every other doctor it is always fine. But sitting in that chair, remembering all those bad numbers, the fear... My heart would start to race and my BP would shoot up. Not terribly high, but higher than normal. But that day? The racing heart was gone and my BP was a beautiful 108/70.<br /><br />I sat down with the nurse in the exam room and went over history, medications, etc. She gave me a huge bag filled with goodies and information on tests, pregnancy in general, breastfeeding, etc. We briefly went over each item - some of it was the same as with Caden, some was new.<br /><br />My doctor came in next, excited as well. We talked and she answered any questions I had. Discussed my previous complications and what it meant for this pregnancy. I was reacquainted with my good friends little brown jug and pee hat - I need to do a 24 hour urine collection in order to establish baseline. Hopefully it will be the only one I need to do this pregnancy.<br /><br />I signed the release form for my VBAC.. I will say that document makes VBAC sound pretty scary even to someone who has researched it. My doctor agreed that the wording was pretty harsh but assuming that I have a normal, healthy pregnancy and we don’t face the problems we did with Caden... It will be fine. Obviously if something goes wrong and I need to deliver early they won’t induce like they did last time, but otherwise she said they will monitor me during labor and things will be fine.<br /><br />After my appointment it was off to the hospital for labs.. Up to 9 vials for this pregnancy. The standard tests were run and then my OB also did an eclampsia panel just for baseline again and everything was normal.<br /><br />Our next appointment is set for May 12th at 10:30am. Steve took the entire day off and we are so excited - praying to see our baby’s heartbeat.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-72100420006109163972009-04-30T10:59:00.000-05:002009-04-30T11:00:16.077-05:00Not good news.My first appointment was yesterday and it seems like it will most likely have been the last for this pregnancy. <br /><br />I asked for a beta - had the numbers since the 2nd doubled, the result should have been around 900. Instead it was only 571. <br /><br />There is still a chance my doctor says... Maybe the 2nd beta was off since it tripled, we‘re still on track based on the first one. Maybe we lost a twin.. Maybe, maybe, maybe. <br /><br />I’m going to do another beta tomorrow morning and my doctor should have the results quickly. I’m begging that it will be okay... But it hurts so much. <br /><br />Please don’t let me lose this baby. I know what is done is already done... I know. But I don’t think I can take it.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-90979578341277471022009-04-28T09:49:00.000-05:002009-04-28T09:50:07.405-05:00And so I sit...My 2nd beta was in last Friday and the numbers looked great... From 33 @ 10dpo to 114 @ 12dpo, so it tripled. Today I’m 17dpo and officially late (clomid pushed my LP out a day or two) and I really thought I’d feel more excited about this pregnancy at this point, but I’m not. I have very few symptoms and the few that I have come and go. I try to remind myself that its just early... And it is. Morning sickness shouldn’t really set in for another week or two, or anything else really. I am getting sleepy more easily but nothing like what I remember with Caden. But again I remind myself that with Caden, I didn’t even think to test (and find out I was pregnant) until I was 4 weeks, 4 days. I’m 4 weeks, 3 days today. <br /><br />I keep testing and I knew I should have stopped because today’s test was a hair shade lighter than yesterdays. Not much and the line was thicker than and still dark, but now that has me freaked out, too. I knew it was bound to happen when you’ve taken 15 stupid tests... But that doesn’t make me feel better. Last night was my first middle of the night bathroom break, too, so I try to tell myself that maybe that has something to do with it.... But that doesn’t help either. This was supposed to be my last one but I’m going to take my last test tomorrow morning before my appointment - if its lighter still then I’ll ask my doctor for another beta. I’ve googled and I know a single slightly lighter test is nothing to worry about - I’m not spotting and I’m not cramping, well, anything more than the occasional, normal, light cramps that are to be expected. I just wish I didn’t take that stupid test. <br /><br />I guess in a lot of ways I’m just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’ve seen things go wrong for too many people - with PCOS and without. I don’t want to and I pray that I don’t have to experience that. I think the thing that annoys me most is that I wasn’t like this at all with Caden. I remember mentioning to Steve when we found out that “Its early, anything can happen” but that was it.. That was the last mention of it. Now I feel hesitant to really settle into this, to really enjoy it. I’m so afraid of losing this - I just want to sit back, enjoy my pregnancy, and welcome a beautiful little baby into this world come January. <br /><br />I thought I’d feel better once I got those betas back, and I did.... A little. Then I thought I’d feel better when I was late... And yesterday I did - at least a bit. And now I’m back to freaking out and I know its because that stupid freaking test that is meaningless. I could just kick myself right now. I want symptoms, I want reassurance. I want to know that everything will be okay. <br /><br />When I’m not sitting here silently freaking out Steve and I are so very happy. We smile about what the future has in store and cannot wait to meet this little baby. I just hate the anxiety, the unknown. <br /><br />I promise, after tomorrow no more tests! (I won’t have anymore, anyway) and I’ll stop freaking out. I’m really hoping for a darker line because I do not want to have to go through the hell of waiting for the results of another beta.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-39342355173745068402009-04-22T13:35:00.000-05:002009-04-22T13:40:12.288-05:00Betas, Tests, and Daddy x 2<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se9kVp2zOlI/AAAAAAAAAHA/oM_8zAEei9A/s1600-h/IMG_8224.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 241px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se9kVp2zOlI/AAAAAAAAAHA/oM_8zAEei9A/s320/IMG_8224.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5327587207378319954" /></a>Yesterday I woke up and took 3 more tests... 2 digitals and a FRER just incase the digitals weren’t sensitive enough. Waiting for that test to develop felt like forever... But in the end all three tests were positive. I tested again this morning and again, the test was positive and the line much darker than the previous days... Which has settled my nerves at least a little bit. I am so excited and so happy but at the same time I’m scared I’ll wake up and this will be all taken away. I know I’ll relax once the second beta comes back on Friday - if only a little. And I think I’ll feel even better once we see our baby by ultrasound. <br /><br />Speaking of betas and such - Today my doctor called with the results from yesterday’s tests. My beta at 10 dpo was 33 - seemingly low but a solid number for so early. We also checked my progesterone and my doctor wanted to see it at or around 20 or else we’d supplement (at 7dpo it was 14.6). My progesterone was 20.6 so rising nicely and no need to supplement nor does my doctor feel the need to check it again. So, as I said, I go in for my 2nd beta tomorrow, results on Friday, 1st appt is 1 week from today on the 29th (our 3rd wedding anniversary!), and then we’ll schedule my first ultrasound for 6.5 weeks. <br /><br />..............<br /><br />Yesterday was sweet - I was able to hold of on telling Steve our amazingly wonderful news on Monday so I told him then over lunch. I was worried Caden and I were going to be late since we ran a little behind getting my blood drawn but we actually made it a few minutes early.. Good thing too since I had to pee so bad and I didn’t want Steve to wonder why I was taking Caden with me... Or risk leaving him behind to remove Caden’s jacket when I wasn’t there (revealing his “big brother“ t-shirt).<br /><br />I was starting to wonder if Steve kind of knew what was coming, but in the end he had no idea. The restaurant was a cute little diner and the kids, especially Caden, adored the trains. Steve had been mentioning he wanted to take Caden eventually so I used this, and telling him I’d be in the area to pick up an order, as an excuse. We sat down at the table and I suggested to Steve that he should take off Caden’s coat so we could order. He unzipped the jacket and immediately turned and asked me “Is there something you’re trying to tell me?!”. I replied yes and he turned back to me with a big smile and an excited “Really?!?” <br /><br />Lunch was nice and we talked about the baby and Caden a lot. Steve was grinning ear to ear the entire time and we’re both so excited. Steve also mentioned how relieved he was - he was always the “strong” one in all of this.. But even so I know he was scared and worried, too. We were both worried there were going to be more obstacles for us to over come. He worried they were with him, I worried there were additional ones with me. But all that matters now is that here we sit.. And we’re having a baby!!!<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se9kAJO2T0I/AAAAAAAAAG4/nf0JBe5A1Hs/s1600-h/IMG_8227.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se9kAJO2T0I/AAAAAAAAAG4/nf0JBe5A1Hs/s320/IMG_8227.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5327586837843562306" /></a>After work Steve came home with a dozen pink roses and a card. All night long we made mention of the baby and he was constantly rubbing my belly and all smiles. We’re just so happy.<br /><br />This pregnancy already feels so much different emotionally that Caden’s... Not that either was more wanted and I know I’m not explaining this right... But even though its so early its like we both feel more connected with this pregnancy. With the first the concept was so crazy and so new to us... We knew that a pregnancy meant we were having a baby... But the immense reality of that never really set in until that tiny little boy was placed in our arms. This time around we have a walking, talking, amazing little reminder of just what that tiny mass of rapidly dividing cells is becoming. And its all so amazing.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-50043818864895468552009-04-20T21:53:00.001-05:002009-07-12T13:55:20.633-05:00Happiest Girl in the World....I woke up this morning at 4am needing to use the washroom but I wanted to wait to test until DH went to work. 7am came and I headed into the bathroom, dug out a stick, did what needed to be done, and set the test down. Immediately I thought to myself “This is stupid... I’m only 9dpo, even if I am pregnant I’m not going to get a positive” and I crawled back in bed. An hour and a half later I went to throw the test away... But there was a line. An extremely faint, twist it that way... Is it pink? Is it real? line.... But a line. I’ve seen my fair share of evaps but this was different. It was so faint that it was very possibly an evap... But I thought I saw the slightest hint of pink. The question was if the line showed up in the 10 min window and that I didn’t know. I snapped a few pictures, stared and brought the test from room to room, and finally gave up.<br /><br />Around noon a nurse from my doctor’s office called with my 7dpo progesterone result... “looks good she said” but I just wanted the number. 14.6... Nice... But indicative of anything? Not really.<br /><br />Caden and I had lunch then decided to bike over to the park about 2 miles away while there was a break in the weather. We had our fun and headed home. I put Caden to bed and decided to take a quick shower.<br /><br />I undressed and debated back and forth... Do I test again? It had been 2 hours since I last use the restroom. Surely it wouldn’t be positive but at least I could see if an evap appeared. Again I dug out my sticks, did my thing, and jumped in the shower, quickly to be sure to read this one in the 10 min window again.<br /><br />I couldn’t believe what I saw... Plain as day, 2 pink lines. The test like was very light, obviously, but pink and perfectly visible. No twisting or turning or checking under different lights... It was positive. I called my friend (who had spent the morning debating the possible evap with me) and shouted it. I am pregnant.<br /><br />I am pregnant - ah, just had to type those 3 perfect words one more time.... Well, maybe a few more. Part of me knew this was it - I bought a shirt to tell DH with (not telling him today has been so very hard, but surprising him with the news this time is something important to me - I‘m telling him tomorrow over lunch). I just knew... But as the 2nd half of this wait kicked it... I just didn’t want to set myself up for devastation.<br /><br />An hour later I tested again - this time with a FRER.... And again, two beautiful pink lines. Faint, but not bad for mid afternoon at 9dpo. We really did it this time... I really AM pregnant.<br /><br />I spent the next few hours in shock.. My hands we shaking. I’m trying to be cautious as it is so very early... But it is so very hard. I pray this baby sticks.... And as of tonight all I know is that I am pregnant and so extremely happy.<br /><br />EDD: January 2, 2010<br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se02WCU6KRI/AAAAAAAAAGY/F4qsNj36KN0/s1600-h/IMG_8187.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5326973686458755346" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se02WCU6KRI/AAAAAAAAAGY/F4qsNj36KN0/s400/IMG_8187.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se02-2m1MVI/AAAAAAAAAGg/F193MvSWHvk/s1600-h/IMG_8184.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5326974387687338322" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se02-2m1MVI/AAAAAAAAAGg/F193MvSWHvk/s400/IMG_8184.JPG" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se03ISF54wI/AAAAAAAAAGo/Kwq3jm7oURk/s1600-h/9dpo+BFP.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5326974549684249346" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 360px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/Se03ISF54wI/AAAAAAAAAGo/Kwq3jm7oURk/s400/9dpo+BFP.JPG" border="0" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5720763215918642924.post-46751561116222261982009-04-19T10:48:00.001-05:002009-07-12T13:55:36.082-05:001 week to goI’m not sure why I’ve been avoiding my blog... but I have been. I’m happy to say that I did end up ovulating this cycle after all... I assumed I’d ovulate the same day as last cycle (CD 25) or sooner but instead managed to ovulate a little bit later - CD 27. So, unless I’m pregnant, we’ll be increasing my dose to 100mg next cycle.<br /><br /><br />As for that pesky issue hanging in the air around us... Did we manage to pull this off? Is this our cycle? I have no clue. A week ago I thought for sure this was it... It had to be. But now that feeling has faded and I really have no idea. I do know that at this point... To actually see those 2 pink lines... Seems so far fetched it just doesn’t seem possible. I’d love to have been able to hang onto the optimism of last week but I feel that would have just set me up to be devastated in a few days. But I do still hold out hope and I find myself drifting to thought of “what if” quite often. And if I am, as I said before, I will truly be the happiest girl in the world.<br /><br /><br />My progesterone draw was taken care of yesterday - that was a clerical mess but its done and over with and I should know the results some time tomorrow. I’m a little nervous about the results - normally my breasts hurt a decent amount when I ovulate and this time not so much and they hurt on and off so I’m worried the number might be low... But there isn’t much I can do about that now.<br /><br /><br />Of course I’ve been looking for symptoms everywhere and for the most part there haven’t been any - until today, 8dpo. I was up early this morning with some nasty heartburn - my first symptom with Caden. I hope this is good but there is the very real possibility and probability that it was just heartburn. I’m going to try to hold out until 12dpo to test (April 23rd). I pray that then I’ll finally see those 2 pink lines again.<br /><br /><br />.........<br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SetPVafh8xI/AAAAAAAAAGE/6mAjzb_H8L0/s1600-h/IMG_8161.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5326438213603160850" style="FLOAT: left; MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_ZkJgjuf665g/SetPVafh8xI/AAAAAAAAAGE/6mAjzb_H8L0/s200/IMG_8161.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div></div><br />In other family happenings we bought a new bike trailer for Caden and new bikes for us. Caden loves riding in the trailer and loves his new McQueen helmet even more. We rode for a few hours yesterday and with the exception of a rather sore backside, it was perfect. The bikes are nice, the trailer handles great, and I hope to use it a lot more. We have a few days of rain ahead of us but I can’t wait to get out again with my boys - hopefully my ass will have recovered fully by that point.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1