Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Unconventional Wisdom

I spoke with my doctor yesterday afternoon regarding the timing of my upcoming appointment and she said that she would like to see me do another cycle/month on Met before starting Clomid but if I was feeling anxious we could go ahead and begin next cycle. I agreed that it would be best to wait another cycle before starting Clomid - I know it can take some time for the drug to sort things out and seeing that time on Clomid is limited, I don’t want to rush anything and I want to give us the best chance possible of the meds working. It helps to know, too, that if something goes wonky and I do start getting anxious (well, more so than now) we can go ahead and start. So far I’m okay though, and I think that this will be best. Unless AF takes her sweet time showing up after the Provera - then I’ve decided we’re moving on.

So we wait. Wait to start Provera, Wait for AF, Waiting (and hoping) to ovulate or waiting for another cycle to end. Its the waiting that makes me so anxious, the waiting with no hope. At least if I was ovulating I’d be waiting for something but instead I wait for something that never comes. And if I was ovulating on the second half I’d have hope, a chance, a possibility of pregnancy... Instead my wait is empty with no hope, no possibility, and a bottle of pills in my hand instead of a pregnancy test. But at this point its all we can do, so we wait. While it doesn’t feel like it, I am doing what I can. Next cycle could be the cycle, the wait could finally pay off, and if not, we’ll move on.

Last night after I gave my son his bath and tucked him into bed I grabbed a book from the shelf and snuggled up next to him to read him is bedtime story. It was a book I’ve read so many times in the past and I grabbed it pretty much at random, not thinking or remembering much about it at all. I turned the pages and read the happy rhymes while Caden looked at the bright pictures and giggled and smiled... And then I found something I never quite expected to find... A little bit of wisdom in words and rhymes meant for my child, but that I needed to hear...

So I leave you with a few pages from the wise Dr. Seuss and his book, “Oh, the Places You’ll go!”

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
Or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
For a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
That you’ll start in to race
Down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
And grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
Headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place...

... For people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
Or the mail to come, or the rain to go,
Or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
Or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
Or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
Or waiting around for Friday night
Or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
Or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
Or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
Or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting...

NO! That’s not for you!
Somehow you’ll escape
All that waiting and staying.
You’ll find the bright places
Where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping
Once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of guy!


I’m afraid that some times
You’ll play lonely games too
Games you can’t win
‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
You’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
You’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
That can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go
Though the weather be foul
On you will go
Though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
Through Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
A frightening creek,
Though your arms may get sore
And your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike.
And I know you’ll hike far
And face up to your problems
Whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course,
As you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
With many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
And remember that Life’s
A Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
Kid, you’ll move mountains.

Be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
Or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
You’re off to great places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So... Get on your way.


Aramelle said...

How is it that you keep managing to make me cry with your posts??? You certainly have way of writing that really resonates with me.

I've read that book so many times (LOVE it!), and I have never thought of it in relation to the IF stuff before. The parts you posted really do speak volumes of this chapter, though. Thank you for sharing it, and for giving me a new way to see an old favorite with a reflection of hope for the future.

As far as the waiting, I totally relate to how torturous it can be! I hope that your wait won't be much longer. *hugs*

BTW, I really like the new design of the blog. :-)


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