Thursday, January 29, 2009

I can't do this anymore

I have a call into my Doctor’s office - she is out today but will call me back tomorrow. Either we’re starting clomid or I’m giving up... And honestly giving up sounds like the better option. I can’t do this anymore.

Two months... Its been two more long months and we aren’t any closer to having a baby. Two more months, a shit ton of pills, and nothing to show for it. No egg, no period, no pregnancy, just me sobbing in my living room asking why. I've tried to be positive - I've tried to distract myself, but really... whats the point?

I finished Provera on Monday and I still haven’t got AF. I know it can take a week blah blah blah..... But if the Metformin was doing anything to help at all then I think I’d have got it by now. Instead nothing - not a single cramp, not a single spot, nothing... So I doubt she is showing anytime soon.

I don’t know how much longer I can do this - I have no reason to expect clomid will work since nothing else has and I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.

I have never hated my body more than I do right now. I think its time to accept the truth of my situation.

2 comments:

Aramelle said...

*HUG*

I'm so sorry that you're feeling lousy right now. It is definitely hard to face the emotional ups and (especially) downs of IF. I wish there was some magical piece of something that I could say to help. I hope you know that you're not alone, though. If you need to talk, vent, whatever, I'm always here to "listen."

Sabrina Horton said...

I have no words of wisdom about this since Matt and I have no yet started the same journey. Make sure you are taking care of yourself through all of this!

 

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