Where We Stand

When I first realized I was most likely going to need fertility meds to get pregnant again, I didn’t want anyone to know. I’m not sure why but I just didn’t. I told my Mom, of course, but beyond that it was no one’s business... And it still isn’t. I guess that maybe at least some of that stems from not many people knowing we were TTC, either. I told a few close friends, My mom, etc... But beyond that I thought I’d be announcing my pregnancy within a few months so it didn’t matter.

After being diagnosed with PCOS, things became a little more complicated - I’ve debated who to say anything to, and who to leave in the dark. The truth is I am a little ashamed.. Not so much of PCOS but of my body, for screwing up yet again. This is no longer just a pregnancy thing, an issue that will disappear when I announce that I am pregnant. This is something I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.

I still have no desire to make this all public knowledge at this point, hence I started a new blog. Our old blog links through our website which extended family, coworkers, etc have access to and have checked in on. While I do have intentions to combine the two blogs, I’m not sure when and I don’t expect it to be any time soon.

The truth is originally I just assumed I’d just need a few pills to kick my ovaries into action and things would be set, I’d get pregnant quickly, and that would be the end of it. I didn’t see the need to let anyone in on the pill part since it was only temporary. Now I need to come to terms with the fact that this likely is going to take some time. My doctor said within a year, and it could be sooner - I am hoping it will be very soon, but I’m trying to accept that later is more likely. We’re only starting with Metformin and it will take time to build up to my dose, to work... And if not we’ll need to add clomid and again, take the time to let that work.

At this point our immediate family knows whats going on, and that is as far as I intend the information to spread for now. I am lucky that I have an extremely close relationship with my mother, my father, and my brothers. I’m not as close with my inlaws, but that is something we’re working on and I’m glad they know, too. It helps to have all of their support, an extra ear, another perspective. And with the holidays fast approaching it helps that the people we’ll spend the most time with know what’s going on. I’m concerned about possible side effects on Metformin and at least I’ll be able to explain why I’m passing on that glass of wine at dinner instead of inspiring pregnancy rumors to spread.

I’m not sure when I’ll be comfortable letting others in on this... But they really don’t need to know anyway. I’m not a particularly private person, but for now I’m comfortable at where this stands.

...

Late tomorrow morning I have another doctor’s appointment. I expect to go over everything that we already know in more detail, ask my questions, and get prescriptions sorted out. I’m hoping that I don’t learn anything new, unless its good of course. I’m eager to get the ball rolling.