Sunday, December 14, 2008

Well, that was quick

Saturday was my last day of Provera - I was hoping AF would arrive quickly but was hesitant as I’ve read it can take up to 10 days after the last pill for her to show. Most of Friday, while still on the Provera, I felt very AFish, crampy, moody, something going on down there for sure. Then, as AF always does, a relative was sent to trumpet her arrival via a wonderfully placed pimple upon my cheek. Hmm, I thought. Sure enough I started spotting. The spotting was light and gone by morning so I took my last pill and spent the rest of the day cramping and spotting, knowing she was knocking on the door.

As I suspected, late this morning AF arrived and so begins a new cycle. CD 1. For so long I dreaded the first day, but considering AF doesn’t visit as much as she used to, and all things considered, I find myself excited. I’m not looking forward to the cramps tomorrow is sure to bring but I’m interested to see where this cycle takes us.

I’m afraid to say it for fear of the almighty jinx, but I have hope for this cycle. Mostly because I’ve never gone three consecutive cycles without ovulating, so I’m hoping that regardless of medications I might be up to release an egg anyway. And of course I’m hopeful that the provera and “fresh start” might have done something, or even the short time I’ve been on Metformin.
Of course I’m hesitant, too. I’ve never gone three consecutive cycles, but then I’ve only been having these crazy cycles for 10 months... Anything can happen. Furthermore, I’ve only been on met for a week and a half and am not even to my full dose. So the meds are, in my mind at least, unlikely to have much of an affect at this point.

And then, of course, I worry. What if I do ovulate this cycle, we don’t catch the egg, and ovulation was random and not a result of the metformin. I worry that might mask the effectiveness of the drug leading us not to begin clomid in February when it may really be needed. Of course if I do ovulate this cycle it should give enough time to show if the next cycle will (or will not be) ovulatory as well before my February appointment.

My biggest hope for this cycle, beyond ovulation and a resulting successful pregnancy of course, is that I don’t obsess as I have in the past. The wondering if I’m going to ovulate, what’s wrong, why is my body doing this, was terrible. Most days I couldn’t get it out of my mind and I don’t want to end up back in that place. I’m hoping that now that I have a diagnosis and we’re in the process of correcting these issues I’ll be able to have a more laid back approach. It also helps that I have a refill on my provera prescription in the event of another anovulatory cycle. A simple trip to the pharmacy is all it will take instead of waiting and obsessing and wondering when the hell AF might decide to show.

The next few weeks are quite eventful, and that should keep my mind off of things to a certain degree as well. I have lots to do in preparation for the holidays, meals to cook, cookies to bake, presents to wrap, a few to finish, gatherings to attend.... Following will be the assembling of toys, cleaning of messes, and putting away the decorations. I’ve also been scrapping/crafting more again and that has helped keep my mind off of things.

I’m happy that we’ve had this charting/opk/ttc break as I expect that to help as well. A fresh start and new hope for this cycle... And perhaps new life in the new year.



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