Broken

Hope for this cycle is slowly fading out. There isn’t much more to say other than that. DH assures me it will happen for us again one day. “It has to”. But I’m starting to not believe. I was going over Easter prep in my head the other night and for the life of me couldn’t figure out why we kept coming up 1 chair short... Finally it dawned on me that I had been counting us as a family of four... Something we very well may never be. It all hurts so very much.

I try to keep my mind off of everything but its so hard. I don’t think I’ve ever been less interested in a cycle than this one. More and more it seems like my original feelings that last cycle was a fluke are coming true. Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and in 6 months I’ll ovulate again and maybe then have a shot at actually getting pregnant.

The hardest part is I don’t understand how I got here. How I went from ovulating normally every single freaking month..... To ovulating once in 6 months. And it happened over night. How? How is this possible? I can’t find anything like this... Something isn’t right. I never thought I’d ever find myself sitting at my kitchen table on a Monday morning... Regretting that I took my freaking period for granted.
I keep waiting to climb out of this little hole I dug myself into.. Instead I feel myself inching closer and closer to the bottom. I have to hit soon, right?

I try to distract myself but as soon as I stop moving my mind wanders back here. Saturday we took Caden to the Easter Egg hunt and to the mall to see the Easter Bunny - we’re hosting Easter at our house so I have a lot to do this week. Hopefully that will help but looks doubtful.