Sunday, February 22, 2009

Thinking out loud and making plans

I’ve been thinking a lot about what comes next. I’m actually eager to go ahead and start Provera, because at that point at least we’re working toward something instead of holding out hope that maybe... Just maybe... I could still ovulate. Plus once I start Provera I’ll be that little bit closer to going away with my boys, and all three of us are really excited about that.

I think one of the more difficult aspects in all of this is the aspect of the unknown. We have no idea what will work, if anything. Despite having a child, we’ve never faced any of this before so this is all new to us. People tell me “You got pregnant once, you’ll get pregnant again” but the truth is no one knows that. Yes, I got pregnant once but I also wasn’t dealing with PCOS and was releasing an egg every month.

And I think that the fact that my issues did basically appear over night makes it harder for me. I can’t shake the feeling that I did something wrong, that I did something to cause this. And in my head I go over everything again and again looking for a way to fix whatever I did so wrong. Looking for a way to make it all go away. Looking for a way to regain some sort of control once more.

So what comes next? I’ll call my doctor either on Tuesday or Wednesday and get my new prescriptions called in. 10 days of provera, hopefully not another 9 day wait for AF but who knows, then we’ll start 100mg of clomid and hope that does the trick.

As for me I’m going to do everything I can, however little that may be. I’m going to work on being more calm (haha, I know) and I think getting away for those few days coming up will really help. I already eat pretty well, something I made sure of once Caden was born (though he doesn’t see eye to eye with me on this issue), but I want to make even more improvements there. I need to read the insulin resistant book I bought a while ago but never got to. I want to start tracking my food again, too. And related I want to cement my workout routine and make sure I do a minimum daily workout instead of 4 days a week. With the weather hopefully starting to warm up pretty soon and daylight savings in just 2 weeks I should be able to start getting out for more walks. I’d like to work at least one short daily walk with Caden and/or Ellie (our Beagle) into the mix.

For hope I have some tricks up my sleeve I’ll elaborate more on later, heh. I’ll have been on Met 3, going on 4 months when this next cycle starts which is a very good thing. I’ve also been searching the internet and message boards for success stories - Stories from women who failed to ovulate on 50mg of Clomid but were successful on 100mg (or even 150, for future reference). So if thats you, Please share!!!

And I’ve started to make plans to move on. If 100 fails, I assume we’ll try 150 but beyond that I’ll be referred to a RE. I know seeing a RE will be best, but once we move on from my Ob/gyn so ends any penny of insurance coverage - including for testing, diagnosis, and even basic appointments. So staying with my ob/gyn is best for my pocketbook right now and I really love my doctors. But, just incase, I’ve called around for prices with local doctors on initial consultations, poured over websites, and already found a doctor I think we’ll be comfortable with. We’ve started saving for an injects cycle, since thats most likely where we would be heading next, but hopefully it won’t come to that. In the mean time I want to bring up the possibility of trying Femara again with my current doctor.

So thats about it. Like so much of this time is spent for all of us.... We wait and plan and cross our fingers. For now I’ll continue doing my lovely OPKs and keeping an eye on things.. Ya know, just incase...

As for the rest of the time I’m not peeing on sticks or typing in temps, you know... That time called life.... I have lots to do with the little man, the bigger man, our trip, the animals, catching up on scrapbooks (which will never be done), planning out or summer (I need to sign Caden and I up for swim lessons), and I really need to start looking into and gathering ideas for the vegetable garden I’ve been planning to plant the past 2 years.

12 comments:

Elana Kahn said...

Have they put you on metformin for the PCOS? If not, I believe studies show that metformin + clomid has better success rates than either alone for women with PCOS. GOOD LUCK!!! ICLW

carrie said...

Thank you for visiting! Yes, I am on Metformin - I've been on 1500 mg since the beginning of December, so not long. In most of my reading I've read that it can take 4-6months before it really starts regulating your cycle and I haven't been on it long at all, so I'm hoping that will mean good things for my next cycle (I should have been on it for about 4 months then - it was mainly my decision to start clomid now). thanks again :)

strongblonde said...

thanks for stopping by :) i hated having to take provera for AF. i always had to wait a long time. once they put me on prometrium instead and i just never got it. arg.

hoping things work out...

Michelle said...

I have PCOS and there is nothing you did that caused this. It is a hormonal issue and you do not have control over it...unfortunately. being on Metformin should help. I did actually get pregnant once while on Metformin all by myself but unfortunately it turned out to be ectopic. Good luck to you!

nh said...

I've got my hand up - I didn't ovulate on 50mg but did on 100mg... ok due to other issues, no joy, but I did ovulate.

You did not cause this. Shake that feeling off, because it is destructive. You are not to blame for your hormones!

ICLW

What IF? said...

There is no way that anything you did could have caused PCOS. Although I don't have PCOS, I did recently discover I have poly-cystic-like ovaries and dh and I are doing IVF/ICSI #1 right now (self-pay). GL with this process - I hope it works while you still have coverage. I waited almost too long to move onto an RE...

KandiB said...

I have mixed feelings about Met. I don't think it did anything for me...certainly didn't produce any ovulation. Just gave me heartburn (weird side affect).

I'm already worrying about #2...(and #1 isn't even here yet!). It's so hard not to, right? Here from ICLW

Jo said...

So sorry to hear about your TTC struggles. Hoping that upping the dose works for you!

Kristin said...

Don't try to blame yourself for the issues that arose. I was able to have 2 babies without intervention before my infertility issues came up and then I lost 6 pregnancies in a row. I had a brief moment of self blame but luckily I got past that. Infertility is almost always a case of SH*T HAPPENS. Its maddening that we can't control it all but we can't.

Hope this is helpful and doesn't come across as a bunch of assvice.

~ICLW

Stacie said...

"I can’t shake the feeling that I did something wrong..."

I've felt like that. I used to wonder who in the universe I pissed off that brought IF our way. That feeling has faded some, but it still rears its ugly head from time to time.

You are not alone. I don't know if that statement helps any, but it always brought me comfort.

Stacie
Here from ICLW

littleangelkisses said...

I've felt like that. I sometimes wonder if it's karma coming back to bite me in the butt. But then, I also know I can only control so much. It's so hard though. For me, since I was able to get pregnant on my own before AND I'm undiagnosed, it's just SO FRUSTRATING.

Fat Chick said...

Good luck on your cycle! I hope that does the trick, as you say. I'm sending lots of baby dust your way!

ICLW

 

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