Tuesday, March 3, 2009

3 days past.... ovulation?!

Last week I noticed some minor changes in my normally void cycles. CM increased, my face broke out.... My cycle failed so I assumed AF was on her way. I though to myself that at least AF showing on her own and in a timely fashion would be a step in the right direction. I didn’t give much thought to it, nothing more than maybe an outcome that would spare me the 10 days of Provera and the following wait.

Around 2:45pm on Friday it occurred to me that it was that time again... OPK time. The time of day we all just love, no? I had given up hope on the cycle but had the left over strips so wth. I did my thing and put some things away. I glanced at the test and to my surprise it was positive. Very positive. No question about it.

Several months ago I got what we assumed to be two positive OPKs. The lines were very close, I was 99% sure they were positive, but hesitant. I didn’t ovulate. Add into that the fact that I have PCOS and screwy LH, well, my relationship with OPKs is definitely lacking in the trust department.

There is no question about Friday’s test - it was positive. But I still didn’t (and possibly don’t) trust it. Once bitten twice shy and all that. Steve came home from work that evening.
“hey, check this out” I called
“Huh... That one is definitely positive”
“I know....”

And then we just stood there. Is it possible that our failed cycle could yet come though with a little egg? We both smiled at the thought but neither of us fully trusted it. I had a small amount of fertile CM, but not much. It just didn’t feel right. Or possible.

Saturday’s OPK was positive, too. Not as dark, but positive. I had clearly negative OPKs all cycle long... Why they were all of the sudden positive actually angered me a little bit. I had given up on this cycle, come to terms with the fact that 50mg failed to make me ovulate. I’d be starting Provera soon enough.... And now this? I mean if I actually ovulated great but all this felt like was false hope.

Sunday’s OPK was negative. Close, but negative. My temp did jump though.

Monday’s temp climbed a bit more, but I still didn’t trust it. I’ve had false CH in the past. I’ve had 2 days of temp rises followed by a crash.

And then Today... Well today it appears that my 6 month wait turned into a two week one. My temp climbed again and I am 3dpo. My dr is out of the office but will call me tomorrow and I assume at that point we’ll set up the progesterone draw to confirm. It better confirm - I’m going to shit if this turns out to be nothing more than a series of well timed coincidences.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up... I’m still expecting to wake up to plummeting temps or for that progesterone draw to come back negative. But for now I have hope. For now all signs - BBT, OPKs, Dried up CM, aching breasts.. All indicate that I did indeed ovulate. To have this hope taken away at this point would just hurt so much.

And then.... Do I even dare to dream I could be pregnant? That all the waiting and praying could pay off? I think that would be too much. Just releasing an egg at this point is a huge success. And it gives me so much hope for next cycle. Of course we BDed and did what we could... But I worry that the little CM I had wasn’t enough. I worry that something funky was at work. So for now I’m just happy I ovulated.

And if in two weeks I see two pink lines again..... Well then I really will be the happiest girl in the world.



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