Thursday, March 26, 2009

Better Late Than Never

Thanks to a wonderful cold/flu/whatever, I’ve been down for the past week or so wallowing in a coughing, aching, snotty pit of despair. I’m starting to feel better finally but haven’t been online much as a result. Seeing as this happened for the start of ICLW, I have a lot of catching up to do!

To sum things up as the last post I made was actually a bit ago (silly blog layout doesn’t post dates!) AF did show that Monday at 16dpo. As much as I was (and am) sad not to be pregnant, I have tried to see the positive in this. This time last month I had given up on my first clomid cycle... And it ended up coming through. I ovulated late (CD 25) but I did ovulate on 50mg.

Of course now I worry that it was a fluke, that it won’t happen again. And then I worry that we didn’t conceive because something else is wrong, too. I wonder why I couldn’t be one of the lucky ones, well, as “lucky” as anyone in this situation can be. But I remind myself even healthy couples doing everything right don’t get pregnant the first time out (or in my case ovulating).

I’m currently on CD 11. Still on 1500mg of Met and 50mg clomid days 3-7. I started OPKs yesterday and my first was negative so that is good news. Now we’re just left to sit and wait and see what happens.

Prior to getting sick and missing the start of ICLW I had planned to do some sort of an intro as I’ve seen on so many blogs... But seeing as I’m already late and feeling a bit negative I don’t see much of a point so I’ll keep this short... I’m 26, I was fertile, I was one of the lucky ones to conceive the first time we had unprotected sex (on our honeymoon!), I had a complicated pregnancy due to pre-eclampsia, spent 4 months on bed rest and as far as I was concerned, paid my reproductive dues - welcomed my beautiful boy into the world by emergency c-section on January 24, 2007 - amazingly at 39 weeks... enjoyed life, got sick, had an appendectomy in feb 2008, stopped ovulating, Started TTC (if you can call it that) in August 2008, diagnosed with PCOS in November 2008, started Met in December, and am currently on round two of clomid.
I’ve been feeling a little down this week which has probably led to my internet avoidance. The fact that I’m also trying to spend less time online probably factors in as well. I’ve been getting so exhausted and worn out in the afternoons again and I think that is the most likely cause of my crappy mood this week.

When I first started this blog I thought I’d have so much to say - and I do. I’m sure I could find something to write or post about daily. And I’m sure if I really wanted to I could work the time in, too. But I’ve learned certain things can only be said so many times. And while these thoughts are always with me, sometimes it helps just to leave them in the back recesses of my mind. Sometimes it helps to give into the distractions.

So that is my plan for the next little while - distractions. I have lots of cleaning to catch up on, Easter and Spring are coming, crafts I’ve wanted to get done... I have high hopes for this cycle even if I don’t feel them today. My breasts started hurting and I’m hoping that is the result of a little egg soon to release. I want to believe in this, I want this to work. I need this to work. But for now I need to be sane, I need to think of other things, and to do that I’ll find comfort in the distractions. So I’m off to comment away, work out, and get cleaning!

If you've read this far I apologize for this mess of random ramblings :D But I suppose that is what this portion of a cycle is like. Waiting, unknown, who the hell knows what will happen. But I do know that good things are yet to come.


nancy said...

Clomid "builds up" over 3 months, so your next month (this month included) should even be better. Good luck!

Secondary IF is hard to deal with, especially when the 1st came so easily. I conceived my 1st after 18 months and definitely thought I was infertile, even though I got pregnant on a natural cycle. Then I got pregnant w/ #2 on my "first month" trying. Amazing. I thought no way was I on of "those" infertiles I thought I was. And then I started ttc #3. 3 medicated cycles, 4 IUIs, 4 surgeries, 1 mock IUI, 1 IVF and one FET later, I finally conceived. Guess I wasn't really a "fertile" at all - that one time was just my shot in the dark lucky pregnancy.

I'm definitely not saying you aren't fertile, not at all, just saying how I understand how hard it is to go through 2ndary IF. And I hope these clomid cycles are all you need. No way would I want anyone else going through what I went. (more than already do).

I'm rambling. I'm sorry.

Beautiful Mess said...

I was like you, I got pregnant fairly easily with my daughter. The my son...not so much. It's hard and it sucks, but do your best to keep yourself happy. Do little things for YOU. Hang in there.

Robyn said...

Yay for rambling, sometimes it is the most helpful thing around ;) Besides a good AIM session of course! I hope you get a lot of crafting done & I can't wait to see it all!


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