Merry Christmas!

I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas even though this year found me exhausted, often crabby, unable to walk well or move at times, begging for the energy to even wrap presents, etc. Even so, I still find myself sitting here in the last hour of Christmas night, listening to the last carols play on the radio in an otherwise silent house, sad to see it go.

I love Christmas - it is my favorite time of year. I love fall so much as its leading to now. I love the snow, the cold, the hustle, wrapping presents, baking, our tree and lights. I love gathering with family and anticipation. I never imagined I’d be so extremely exhausted at the end of pregnancy though and didn’t do very much of that at all this year and I feel a little sad that I missed out on some things. Luckily I have a pretty fantastic husband who helped me clean the house and bake the last of the cookies last night and did quite a bit in regards to cooking dinner tonight and cleaning it all up so I could lay down and shut my eyes.

I assumed that since I didn’t have the energy to get as into the holidays this year as those past I wouldn’t be quite so sad to see them go.. But I was wrong. Even without the energy to do everything I normally love… this Christmas was the best ever. Caden was so into opening his presents and just so filled with excitement and happiness over everything and my second son, the one I wished so deeply for this time last year, rolled and bumped inside of me… cookies and pretty tags and bows just didn’t matter.

Last night we went to my mom’s to celebrate with her, my brothers, and their families. The boy’s were quite spoiled - Grandma really goes all out. Caden was so into opening those presents and just couldn’t wait to get his hands on the next - and it wasn‘t even about what was inside.
When we got home I let Caden open one of his presents - a pair of snowmen jammies (4T btw). He opened the present and exclaimed with all the excitement he had and ever so genuinely, “A BOX!!!!!”. After he opened the box and shouted with just as much enthusiasm “Snowmen!”, Steve helped him put on his new jammies - you’d have thought they were painted on. Poor kid, he looked hilarious! That was a big fail but even so he didn’t mind. Steve put him to bed (in a pair of properly fitting, though less festive, jammies) just in time for Santa to come and fill beneath our tree and Steve and I finished up some last minute prep for guests Christmas night. We took out our camcorder to charge the batteries, the video from last Christmas still inside (I tend to use my camera more than our camcorder even for video - a habit I wish to break) - he has grown so much in one short year. I try to take every bit of this time with him in and lock every detail away in memory but no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to comprehend just how quickly he has grown.

Christmas morning came and I loved hearing the excitement in Caden’s voice this morning as he stepped into the living room, looked at the tree and all the presents waiting and exclaimed “presents!!!” He happily sat and waited while Daddy made our traditional Christmas breakfast of cinnamon rolls and then he got to dive in. He was so genuinely excited about every thing he opened - the first being his little brother’s presents (just in case). Parker got a pretty new bouncer and when Caden tore off the paper he turned and looked at me with the happiest face and shouted “A baby!!!!!” He didn’t realize just how correct that statement was.. However Parker is the one deciding on when to make that arrival.

It was just a wonderful morning watching the joy in his little face over every little thing. Steve, I mean Santa, brought him a race track that shoots his disney cars around in loops and the look on his face when his Daddy started it up for the first time was priceless. “OH WOW!” he shouted as he laughed.
Mom and Dad were spoiled as well of course and I love everything I received… but it just doesn’t compare to how happy Caden and Parker have made me this year - and I know Steve would agree.

I am without a doubt the luckiest. I am without a doubt blessed.

…………………………

Obviously we’re still waiting on the biggest gift of all this year - I think its safe to say he finally dropped over the past few days and my pelvis is sure feeling it. Steve is sure this week coming up, week 39, is the week but then my Dad was sure Parker was making his arrival Christmas eve and my friend was sure Wednesday (2 days ago) was the day. Myself… I have absolutely no idea. Part of me agrees with Steve, part of me thinks he is holding on until the new year. Hopefully soon because I don’t want to fight the section fight.

While we count down the days we have plenty to keep us busy - the focus now can turn to baby and getting the house ready - big stuff is done at least! Since we hosted a small dinner tonight a lot of the cleaning is done but the decorations still need to come down… I think I’ll go ahead and wait until new years day as I normally do - entice Murphy’s law to take effect and make me kick myself for not taking the tree down sooner, of course now that I said that….

Snow storms and ultrasounds at 36 weeks

Today Steve had the morning off of work and we all woke early for a final ultrasound - part for my peace of mind. I was high risk with Caden (preeclampsia at 22-23 weeks) and find the lack of monitoring this round strange but welcome - really enjoying the whole normal pregnancy thing. Caden was born by emergency c-section and we’re hoping and planning that Parker will be born by VBAC - at one point my placenta was over my scar slightly which worried me but I’m happy to say that while still right out front, its high and far from the scar.

Caden came with us to the appt and did great - he was supposed to go to my mom’s but due to snow the roads were a little messy and traffic filled so we just brought him with us rather than be late. He was happy to play with all the toys and everything went much more smoothly than I anticipated.

Parker looks great - we got a bunch of pics but you can’t see much in any of them due to how scrunched up he is. He spent most of the ultrasound with his hands tucked up by his little face playing with his toes and a peek around displayed what appears to be a good amount of hair on his little head, something I’ve been wondering about due to all the heartburn I’ve been experiencing this time (minimal to none with Caden and he was bald until 2!). Seeing his little hands and feet just made me ache to hold him. I’m still hoping he holds off until after Christmas and I know I’ll miss being pregnant… but I cannot wait to see him, to feel is tiny fingers wrap around mine, to kiss his soft skin and tickle his tiny feet.

We did get an estimate on his size and while I don’t put a lot of faith into ultrasounds and know they can be off, I think this is a pretty good estimate and is exactly what I was thinking it would be. Parker is estimated at 7lbs 1oz and I’m 36 weeks, so already a good sized baby. I was fully expecting him to be over 7lbs at this point even though Caden was born 7lbs 6oz at 39 weeks. I’m already much bigger than I ever was with Caden and when I run my hand along my belly feeling Parker’s back and poking at his tiny knees and feet he just feels big.. long. He isn’t measuring obscenely big or anything and its not a cause for concern - he is just going to be bigger than Caden. I’ll be surprised if he is less than 8lbs. In so many ways I’m expecting Caden again… my little bald adorable baby… its going to be crazy to see this completely different little guy come out.

The rest of my appointment was fine except for one pretty big detail - my freaking blood pressure. I knew it was creeping up from my readings at home and the appt today confirmed that (136/88). Low enough that I avoided bringing home a little brown jug but I left with the promise to continue to monitor at home so that I can come in for labs in the event my BP is regularly above 140/90. Its been up there a lot the past few days which honestly made no sense to me and now I think my machine needs new batteries. The past few readings have been higher but safe, the biggest difference is fiddling with the batteries first. So, next time I’m out I’ll pick up a new pack.

My urine strip was fine - no protein or sugar but even when my 24 hr urine came back above 500 with Caden it didn’t show much. For the entire 2nd half of my pregnancy with Caden I was spilling over 300 but the most I ever showed was a +1 once, so I don’t trust those a whole lot. I’m terrified of that little brown jug because I know if I get sent home with one its going to be above 300, preeclampsia or not. My baseline was already above 200 which is high for a female of my age (I also have tested positive for ANA so its something we need to start watching more closely and I’ll probably start seeing someone 4ish mo after Parker is born at request of my high risk obs). I feel a bit of swelling in my face but I get terrible “pregnancy face” and a big fat nose so its hard to tell the culprit. Hands and feet swell when I do too much or don’t drink enough - nothing to worry about. Weight was fine - I’m up about 24-25lbs this pregnancy. I no longer fit on the scale unless I stand sideways, hehe, so I haven’t paid too much attention to the numbers but I either gained nothing or lost a little from last week - so really things are looking good.

I worry about the high BP taking away even a chance to VBAC. My doctors haven’t even mentioned it so its not being held over my head - after one hissy I already had I think they know better (plus the dr I see most understand my need for control and issues not having any here, so she handles those issues better than others). But I also know that high BP is always one of those vbac no-no foot notes. I brought it up to my mom and she reminded me (in a sincere and helpful way) that a year ago at this very moment I wasn’t even sure I could get pregnant again… and here I am. In the end I will do what is best for my children. But for now I plan to lay off things that seem to trigger swelling, stick to actually taking it easy as I am supposed to, and lots of water. And definitely new batteries in my blood pressure monitor.

I also had my GBS swab and 1st internal - fantastic fun. I still remember just how much internals hurt but the first few are usually not too bad. Parker is -3 station, cervix is open on the outside but closed on the inside and I’m 50% effaced - all to be expected at 36 weeks.

After all was said and done we did the usual ultrasound routine as we’ve always done this pregnancy and headed out to breakfast - Oh was I hungry and I wanted it ALL! Sadly there wasn’t enough room to stuff it all in. My stomach has been squished up and now when I’m hungry… my left boob growls. Caden actually did fantastic at the restaurant, too, which is often hit or miss. When we got home Steve was able to shovel the drive from the inch or two of snow we got this morning before heading into the office and Caden had fun playing while he did. I need to buy him some snow pants.

Tonight the snow is falling yet again and we’re expecting several inches - reports vary. Hoping the worst holds off until Steve heads home and I haven’t got that call yet. Part of me wants to go shovel the drive for him but I know that probably isn’t the best idea. I love the snow and with the exception of my husband having to drive home in it, look forward to snow storms. I remember looking out the window of my L&D room the night of my induction with Caden over a perfect, soft blanket of snow - nothing better than on Christmas and the day you’re winter baby is born.

A Big Brother and Final Preparations

Saturday morning we all woke up bright and early (well, earlier than I’d like!) to take Caden to his Big Brother class at the hospital. One of the main reasons I signed him up for the class was that it included a tour of the maternity section and such and I thought it would be nice for Caden to be acquainted with the hospital before seeing his Momma there for the first time. However, h1n1 restrictions have banned my little guy even though he poses no risk so there was no tour, and he won’t be allowed to see us while in the hospital after Parker is born. It is a policy that I find pointless and feel is detrimental to the well being of new mothers and families, especially when L&D is one area of the hospital that could easily screen for sick people rather than just banning anyone under 18, but that is a rant for an entirely different day. Hopefully our stay in the hospital will be short and sweet since Caden really isn’t going to understand being pulled away from his Mom like that. Anyway…

The class was nice - Caden got a big brother t-shirt and coloring book to take home and colored a picture that I’ll save. We looked at a book and had a snack while waiting for class to begin and then the nurses read all the kids a story. They went over how to hold the baby using dolls and went through various baby items and feeding - Caden was happy to exclaim “Paci!!” when it was presented - he hasn’t had one in a long time but the fondness remains. There was a puppet show and a slide show to take place of the maternity tour… who knows, maybe the restrictions will be lifted in time for Parker’s arrival but its doubtful. Finally Caden had a blast at the end running around and playing with the other kids.

I’m not sure how much everything actually prepared him for just how much his world his about to be rocked, but then I also think he does understand more than I give him credit for. The fact that Momma’s big round belly contains a little human being is such an obscure concept to even me that I don’t believe he could grasp it… but maybe I’m wrong. We talk about Parker a lot and Caden exclaims “Parker!!” when he gets a glimpse of my belly. He is happy to give Parker kisses and rubs and to tell us that parker is in the belly…. But sometimes Parker is in his belly, too, and sometimes he likes to check in with the doppler as well. We tell Caden that Parker is a baby and Caden loves babies and Caden will talk to my belly as he would a person “Hello Parker, How are you doing, Parker?” So maybe he understands more than I know. Of course how much he understands that this little being is going to come live with us in a few short weeks and Caden will have to share his Momma from now on is something I think will be a bit more difficult to accept. I don’t except the transition from only to big brother is going to go perfect and I’m sure Caden will act out… but I also think it will go better than expected and I know he is going to be an amazing big brother.

We’re slowly but surely getting things done around the house in preparation for Parker’s arrival. Caden has been in his big boy bed and the crib in the nursery for months now and Caden had not a single issue with that transition nor has he wanted his crib back. The nursery is painted and all the big projects done. With the exception of a gallon ziplock of baby socks that has gone missing, most of the laundry is done and organized. I still need to wash the crib bedding but my plan is to old off as long as possible due to the cats enjoying a snooze here and there in the crib. I still have plenty of small projects to keep me busy and tons to do for Christmas, but as long as the aches and pains and sniffles stay away I think I just might be able to get a lot of it done.

Last night Steve put the bassinet together and we rearranged some of the furniture in the bedroom to accommodate it. I still have some basic cleaning and organizing to take care of but should Parker decide to arrive earlier than anticipated, at least we have the basics ready to go.
Caden was quite interested in the bassinet at first but is now aware that it is for the baby - “it’s the baby’s bed! He goes Ni-night there!”. We still have plenty to do but I feel great knowing progress on the little things is being made.

Plans for this week include a nasty snow storm coming Tomorrow - I’m actually looking forward to it though I hate that Steve has to go out in in and I’m not quite sure how the driveway is going to be cleared - may have to wait for Steve to get home. Tomorrow morning we have our final ultrasound and a routine OB appt and I’m hoping to finally get in for my massage on Thursday. My mom is taking Caden overnight on Satruday and to a Christmas Party on Sunday - Steve and I are using this time to have a date night and to do my belly cast. And my general goals for this week include:

Finish sewing basket liners
Finish mini albums for Christmas
Hang photos in hall
Organize book case in nursery
Finish our bedroom and baby nook

I’m hoping this is the beginning of a renewed relationship with my blog. I made sure to take the photos, record the footnotes, and enjoy this pregnancy to the fullest extent, but I do regret that I didn’t record more of it here. The good news is that I did elsewhere so at least I have something. I’ve always had to much I wanted to say but didn’t give myself the time (or energy as it seems these days) to sit down and say it. I’m hoping that all changes. I have so many details recorded and saved from Caden’s birth and first days and plan to do the same for Parker. In an attempt to catch up I did spend a good chunk of yesterday morning updating our Maternity and belly pics and even included a handy dandy link on the left. Now to just keep up! As the snow blankets outside it feels like the perfect time to recommit myself ;)

Belly Pics

41 weeks

40 weeks

37 weeks

36 weeks

35 weeks

32 weeks

31 weeks

30 weeks

28 weeks

27 weeks

26 weeks

24 weeks

23 weeks

22 weeks

20 weeks

18 weeks

16 weeks

12 weeks

Maternity/Family Photos

On October 17, 2009 we had a maternity/family photography session at a beautiful park in Wheaton, Illinois. These are a few of our favorite images out of over 700+! I was 29 weeks pregnant.

Unedited

Thanksgiving

A year ago I laid on the table in a dark exam room for an ultrasound that confirmed my diagnosis of PCOS.. Even thought the labs already said it all. I remember being sad and being upset, but I don’t remember those emotions being overwhelming - At that point I already knew we weren’t getting pregnant on our own. I already knew something was wrong. When the first labs came back I cried knowing there really was something wrong, that it was something I had to deal with the rest of my life. That this wasn’t something that would just fix itself (though I still hold out hope). But by the time the ultrasound came, even though I had hope there would be nothing there, reality had started to settle in.

I remember starting Provera and Met and feeling hopeful, and perfect timing with the holidays and all. We had a great Christmas - I loved being on Provera that one time simply because it meant I didn’t have to think about infertility or ttc or temping or stress. I just had to focus on that step and the hope.

I remember standing at the island in the kitchen decorating Christmas cookies and humming along to the music in the background. I remember so clearly being able to see myself next Christmas, now this Christmas, doing the exact same thing with a big round pregnant belly. I remember smiling at the thought.

And here I sit, exactly one year after that ultrasound, with my big round 34 week pregnant belly realizing just how correct that mental image all those months ago was. My baby, my second little boy, is pushing around back and forth inside me. I’m talking to a friend, reminiscing about funny stories from those first few weeks after Caden was born and with each laugh Parker wiggles and pushes as if he thinks its funny, too… or maybe he just has even more grand plans in store for us.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for so very much. For my beautiful little boy Caden who is so funny and so sweet and gives the best hugs in all the world, for my husband, my family, a healthy pregnancy and my baby soon to join us. I am thankful that I am able to look back and see the good. That there was good - there always has been and always will be.

And on a side note, I actually had more to say but managed to burn my thumb with boiling water so thats all for now!

It’s A.... (and we have a name, too!)

I guess its probably a good think I don’t have any sort of formal commitment to this blog - yet I still feel absolutely terrible about being so slow when it comes to update. Its not that I have nothing to say - at any moment I have a million thoughts running through my head - rants to post, moments to remember, whatever... Its the execution of actually sitting down and getting it out that I lack.

I’m 21 weeks pregnant, over the halfway mark and the next 19ish weeks are going to be over in the blink of an eye. They’d pass quickly as is but with fall, the holidays, etc mixed in there this baby is going to be here before we know it.

On the 18th we had our “big” ultrasound. The best news of the day was that our baby is healthy and all looks well - measuring right on track and estimated to weigh 12oz. We were also able to confirm that we are in fact having another little boy!!! We were running a little late to the appointment and while he was super active in the car, by the time we made it he was all tuckered out so we didn’t get a ton of good pics. We were able to see him in 3D in an attempt to get some better pics of his face and profile and while the pics are nice for 20 weeks, 3D ultrasounds this early, when baby is lacking fat, are pretty creepy. Even in creepy mode though he is still adorable of course! The newest pics of our little man, Parker Andrew, can be found by clicking here!!

After the ultrasound Steve and I had a really nice day together. My mom had Caden and we knew he’d rather play there than go shopping so it was just us for the first time in a long while. We bought clothes for winter and fall for both of the boys - I loved buying itty bitty baby items again. Because both of my babies will be January boys, we already have lots of seasonally appropriate clothes, but I want Parker to have his own - plus, its fun ;)

As for me I’m doing well! My next appointment is on the 1st - this is the point that I got sick with Caden so of course we’re all holding our breath a little. The good news is any swelling (and there has been extremely little) has been isolated and explained by lots of activity and heat. My weight gain is stead and is at 5-6lbs total. I had a dentist appt yesterday and they took my BP and it was a little high (135/86) which scared the hell out of me - but of course I was at the dentist. I grabbed some batteries for my BP monitor at home and have started to monitor myself. At home my BP has been in the low 120s/70s - this mornings reading was 114/67 - so my BP actually looks to be doing well.

As it turns out I have an anterior placenta this time - its located on the right side of my belly. Lucky for me, Parker loves to hang out on my left so I still feel him wiggle and kick move quite often. I don’t think its quite the frequency it was with caden as I can’t feel him when he is turned into or behind my placenta, but I feel him all throughout the day and I love it :) I can even see his larger kicks!! Today he gave me several good ones to the belly button, one was strong enough to move my hand.

..................

We’ve been in baby mode around here quite often and I love it. My energy seems to come in spurts and after the productivity of the last two weeks, I find myself lazing it up quite a bit this week. We finished our shelving project in the garage, finally finished the hall closet door (trim and hardware), bought all of Caden’s new furniture, picked everything up (well, mattress set and bed was delivered - dresser is on backorder but should be shipping next week), cleared out my scrap room and moved most if it downstairs, ordered Parker’s bedding, set up the crib... I still have a ton I need to do though and should probably start formulating a list - they seem to keep me on track. Every room needs organizing, especially Caden’s. The closet of Parker’s room still needs cleared out and I’m hoping to get some work done in there over labor day weekend. The house needs a nice deep cleaning, shopping, scrapping, Halloween, Christmas, 3rd Birthday... Lots to do and minimal time to do it.

I’m also hoping to set up some sort of maternity/family portraits, probably for the end of October. We also went ahead and booked another trip to the Dells the first week in October. When we took Caden there in March, I knew I wanted to take him at least one more time before a new baby came (that cycle had failed, so timeline was unsure). We’ll be taking both our boys up many times I know, but I wanted one more with just him. So thats what we’re doing! We’re going to be staying at the Kalahari this time :)


As stated we did get Caden's "big boy" bed and that is all set up. Once the dresser gets here we'll probably move things around a bit but for now it works and I like it. Caden loves his bed but its taken a few days (and getting up rather early) to get used to it. Things have gone extremely well so I'm not complaining! Dragon and Dog love their new bed, too :). I still find myself amazed at just how quickly he is growing. Seeing his crib set up in the other room again (its been a toddler bed for almost a year now) is crazy... I can't believe he has moved on, and soon there will be another little man sleeping in there. It seems like just yesterday Steve was setting up that bed while we anticiapted the arrival of our first... not that 3 years have actually passed.

Well, another long rambling update that went a million places. I really wanted to document my thoughts and emotions better this pregnancy and while I jot notes regularly in my pregnancy planner, its not the same. So I’m going to get some things done around this house, and make it my goal to update this journal with at least a few of those thoughts wandering about my mind on a much more regular basis. And I suppose a few belly pics are needed!

2nd Tri, NT scan, Still the happiest

Today I am 15 weeks pregnant with a healthy little peep and securely in my second trimester. While I am well aware that nothing is guaranteed, I'm feeling much more secure and positive and all I want to do is enjoy the last 5.5 months of my pregnancy to the fullest - There isn’t a Momma on Earth more happy than me. (And wow - can we really only have 5.5 months until we welcome this little one?

I know as I approach my 22/23rd week and beyond there is sure to be a little hesitation, watching in the mirror more, checking hands and feet, watching for weight increases and keeping an even closer eye on my BP - 22/23 weeks is when I developed Preeclampsia with Caden and began my 4 month stint on the couch. But I'm feeling good about things - Despite the PCOS and the +ANA and my already sluggish kidneys... I refuse to anticipate the same path. I haven't gained any weight yet (down 2 lbs) and while I'm sure to start gaining now, with Caden I was already packing on the pounds. I remember with my previous pregnancy my feet and lower legs would tingle if I stood too long... I can't remember when it started but so far so good. I do remember that by this point last time I couldn't wear both my engagement ring and wedding band comfortably at the same time, and by the end of the day it was very hard to get any ring I was wearing off. Currently I can wear both rings without issue. I just feel good, very good, and I am hoping that is an indication of the months to come. I do not want to be on bed rest for any length of time - We have so much planned for this fall - Apple picking and the pumpkin patch, Halloween parties and mommy and me classes, and hopefully a trip with Caden up to the Dells. I want to go out in public and show off my big round belly, I want a reason to wear cute maternity clothes and have fun with my son, and most of all I want no reason to sit up at 4am worrying... crying over a tiny sleeper in a soon to be nursery.

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Just about 2 weeks ago Steve and I found ourselves at the hospital in the office of our High Risk OBs for our NT scan. Despite the common reason of "I wouldn't abort so I don't get screenings"... We wouldn't abort so we DID get the screening - to prepare, to ensure our child the best possible outcome.... but thats a post for another day. Anyway...

Beyond the test it was nice to sit down and talk with one of my all time favorite Doctors, Dr. K. We saw him every month or so in addition to my regular doctors for the 2nd half of my pregnancy with Caden and he was awesome.

First up was the ultrasound portion and blood prick...
It was amazing to see our baby now, at 13 weeks... His/her tiny little arms and hands, swimming and kicking and flipping around. If it were up to me I would have laid there for hours watching him/her. At the end we did take a look between baby's legs and have an early guess, but it really is much too early to say for sure and we're trying not to get attached to the idea, though we kind of already have.
My risk for Downs Syndrome based on Age alone (I'm 26, 27 in August) was 1/898. After blood and ultrasound, that risk is now 1/2692. Age alone risk for Trisomy 13 & 18 was 1/1741. My risk is 1/34,801 - So, normal results - screen negative.

We sat down with Dr. K afterwards and talked mainly about my previous pregnancy, current diagnosis, and where that leads us now. He started me on Baby Aspirin again and now we just wait and see. We also talked about my baseline 24hr urine being a little high and coupled with the ANA it is something we need to start keeping an eye on. Dr. K gave me the name of a doctor he likes and about 3-4 months after I have the baby I need to start getting regular checkups. He said its nothing to be alarmed about right now, maybe it will develop into something, maybe not... maybe 5 years from now, maybe 10.... but this way we'll catch anything that may develop early and have a plan in place.
We'll also be going back to Dr. K on September 3rd (22 weeks) for a heart study - Nothing to indicated anything wrong with the baby (heart looked great) but my little brother has a heart condition and while I do not believe it is genetic, Dr. K wants to be on the safe side.

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Last week was another prenatal appointment with my main OBs. Again everything was normal - baby's HR in the 160s, down 2 lbs, urine and BP looked good, etc. We chatted a bit and set up my next round of appointments - Another routine OB appt on August 4th and the "big" ultrasound on August 18th.

We decided to go ahead and discontinue use of Metformin as we were now in the 2nd trimester. The benefit regarding miscarriage is no longer applicable and any further benefit to continue the drug is still unclear. My dr decided to further research continued use of the drug and I did my own - from the talk on boards I assumed I'd find undisputable evidence to continue the drug and I did not. I found many articles supporting continued use... but then I found many articles that showed no significant results. In the end we decided, and I agree, its best for me to go off the drug.

I'm excited about this... we're weaning off and now I'm down to my last week at 500mg (was at 1500). I'm excited not to have to remember pills, I'm excited at the prospect of being "normal" again, though I know that really isn't true. And I don't want to be putting drugs in my body if there is no reason to.

I was feeling calm and relaxed... Until I was told the story of so and so who stopped met and lost a baby in the 2nd tri which started the anxiety gears in motion. I know that is still a risk regardless, but there is no indication the metformin will prevent it. Even so I didn't want to risk another month of anxiety waiting for my next appt to know the baby is okay so Steve and I decided to rent a doppler. I have had my doppler 3 days now and outside of the urge to lay around listening to my baby all day, I love having it. I want to limit my use of the doppler and I plan on sending it back once I can feel the baby regularly (I figure a month or two)but its nice to know that if the anxiety starts to creep in, I can lay down and know things are okay. I love hearing that perfect sound.

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I suppose I really should update more - I doubt anyone has actually read to this point, but then again I want to document as much as possible for my sake (probably should update my organizer!).

I'm feeling great - "morning" sickness is gone which has me pleased as can be. Still have heartburn and still a bit more sleepy than normal, but even my energy is starting to return. I've felt a few flutters, but nothing too strong yet and I'm still very much anticipating that first big kick. We've started doing a little more shopping for the baby and I find myself daydreaming of him/her on a regular basis.

Caden is doing well and is so much fun... the fits still come but even those are less frequent and not quite the same intensity. We start toddler swim lessons tomorrow and Caden is so excited. He is such an amazing little man.

Right Side Up

I’m 12 weeks 3 days pregnant today.... And I feel pretty damn good. I’m happy - I’ve always been happy with my life, minus the infertility aspect, but now all the pieces seem to fit and I am just happy. With everything. I’m blessed to have a beautiful little boy who is just so funny - who loves to shower you with kisses and hugs and charms everyone he meets (ask his new girlfriend at the maternity store) - though he can still throw an impressive fit. I’m bless to have a supportive, caring husband who is a terrific father, to have a wonderful family, a home, a baby on the way... I think a new blog background is needed... My life, or any aspect of it, doesn’t feel quite so upside down.

Two weeks ago we had our 2nd OB appointment and at 10 weeks we were able to hear the baby’s heartbeat by Doppler. S/he was snuggled up behind one of my blood vessels so we were hearing both the baby and me at the same time - HR was in the 160s.

I’m feeling a lot better - The exhaustion still hits and the super laziness is still around, but the “morning” sickness seems to be getting better - it still comes and goes but not nearly as bad. I can’t really remember what my sickness was like during Caden’s pregnancy but I do think it was much worse this time, including several occasions of getting physically sick (never threw up with Caden). But its passing, the first trimester is passing, and it could have been much worse. The heartburn I could most definitely live without though, ugh. Other then a day or two very early on, and maybe an occasion or two toward the end, I don’t remember having any heartburn with Caden. This time even water gives me heartburn. But overall its a small price to pay.

On the 30th we have the NT scan - I debated and stressed over this just as I did with the quad result with Caden. In the end, I decided to go ahead with the testing. We aren’t doing it so we have the option to terminate - but I don’t think most people go into these screens thinking such. We’re doing this so we can be prepared mentally and medically for a special needs child if that is what is in our future. And by medically I mean check for other defects that are common with some chromosomal abnormalities, such as heart defects, and prepare for them. But most of all I’m doing this for piece of mind - and I so hope that is what we are left with in a week.
I thought about skipping the test... Skipping the anxiety... But really all that would do is delay the anxiety. I worried that as my due date drew closer or during delivery or those moments after birth would be tarnished by the thought of “is my baby okay”. But to be perfectly honest I wish this test was a decision never placed in my hands to make.

The day after our NT scan ,a week from today, July 1, 2009... I’ll enter the 2nd trimester. In so many ways I cannot believe how quickly this pregnancy is progressing.... But in so many more I can’t wait to make it there.

I find myself allowing my mind to drift to our future as a family of 4 more often these days. We talk about the baby, or “baby peep” (given the baby’s conception being the night before/day of Easter), regularly. Kid has become kids, and I look at Caden’s baby pics and smile a second time knowing that soon we’ll have another chubby cheeked little one cooing and giggling in our arms. We browse baby aisles and talk about what is needed and what is not. I pat my belly which has started to round out and pop a bit and smile. We toss out names in passing and day dream about winter, about next summer, about forever.

I still find myself holding my breath as I wait for July 1st... But on occasion, and happening more and more these days, I allow myself to breath and it is all just so perfect.

Long time, no blog...

When I started this blog I thought for sure I’d keep up with it more than I had in the past... I had a goal, something to work toward, and a lot on my mind. When that didn’t happen I thought for sure when I got pregnant that would be it... Now I would really be able to keep up... Again, that hasn’t quite happened.

I suppose a lot of this has to do with the time of year - I just haven’t been online much in general and I haven’t had much desire to be. On days that morning sickness is at its worst, the last thing I want to do is stare at a computer screen... And with all the beautiful weather we’ve been having on the days morning sickness isn’t too bad, the last thing I want to do is be stuck inside and stare at a computer screen.

The good news is that we have got a lot done. For a while now we have wanted to start a real veggie garden with a raised bed.. We finally got around to that. Thanks to the help of my awesome mom we got the bed done yesterday. Steve and I filled it with dirt last night and bought our plants and in a few minutes here Caden and I will head outside to get things planted. Beyond that I still need to plant flowers in one of the beds out front and mulch the other two. I also want to plant some flowers in containers out back and I want to make another bed along the back of the house. In addition to cleaning out the pond and getting that going, I think these things will be our focus this weekend.

In addition to our yard, there is so much I want to get done around the house, too. We need to work on cleaning out and organizing the basement so that I can start moving and setting up my craft space down there. We need to start Caden’s “big boy” room, too. We’ve started collecting some things and hope to shop for the rest of the furniture and big items in a few weeks. I want to change the closet and interior door’s in the baby’s room (and the rest of the house, one down so far) and I still need to trim the door we have replaced. Then there is normal cleaning and upkeep around here....

Add into that my desire to at least catch up on Caden’s scrapbook and work on a few other crafts and well.... Makes for a very busy me.

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As for my pregnancy - so far things are going great! For the most part I feel pretty good - Morning sickness seems to come in waves and some days are definitely worse than others. Staying active and up and about seems to really help with how sick I feel. I threw up a few times a week or so ago but nothing since... Just lots of nausea but I’ve also been on the go just about constantly. Of course when I’m feeling good I’m worried that it means there is something wrong and then when the nausea hits again I wonder why I was crazy for wishing it back... Its a vicious cycle but well worth it. I seem to feel the worst around meals - Perhaps its the food or that I let myself get too hungry.. But so far I haven’t found a way around this one. I definitely have no complaints though - everything could be much worse and I am just feeling so blessed to be here.

Before I got pregnant I was a little worried about exhaustion but it isn’t nearly as bad as it was with Caden. With him I was early to bed, early to rise and now its just the opposite. I think dealing with the exhaustion of PCOS in addition to having a toddler keeping me on my toes has helped. I can usually force myself to stay up until 11:30 if I must, but have been going to bed around 10:30pm on average. This was unheard of with Caden but I think this is a change in lifestyle... Post bed time is mommy time and I’m not ready to give that up! Afternoon naps are pretty common but then there are days, such as yesterday, I skip those too. It all depends on what I have to do. Things are definitely different this time around... And I think that has more to do with being responsible for an adorable little man more than anything.

Other symptoms include the usual - my breasts aren’t tender but they never were with Caden either. However, they have increased in size. Pregnancy dreams are in full force and they are pretty crazy - and constant bathroom breaks are common. I don’t usually notice them unless we’re out or I’m trying to watch a movie or something, and in the middle of the night which gets annoying. A little bit of heartburn here and there and a lot of food aversions.. Fun mood swings and a bit more emotional..... And thats about it.

I wish I could say the anxiety has gone but I still worry.. A lot. It has improved greatly, but I still have yet to fully settle into things. I still don’t *feel* pregnant but then I never really did with Caden, either. I keep saying that after the next appt I’ll feel better, and it helps, but not completely. My next appt isn’t until June 9th - I’ll be 10 weeks and hopefully we’ll hear the heartbeat by Doppler. I can’t wait.

I have calmed down a lot from weeks prior at least... Ever since our ultrasound. I immediately update my various preg groups but am a bit ashamed I never posted here...

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Our first ultrasound was last week on May 12th. I started this entry with a photo of our beautiful little baby because that was what was most important, even though I saved the best for last. Steve took the day off work since the appt was at 10:30am. We dropped Caden off at my Mom’s and headed in. I was so nervous - excited, but so very nervous.

Linda (the sonographer) greeted us with a big smile and mentioned how happy she was to see my name for an OB ultrasound. We went into the room and got situated and then she turned the machine on. I immediately asked if there was a baby and she said to just hold on and turned the screen to me...
“there is the gestational sac....” to which my mind flashed to there only being a gestational sac and I blurted out “is there no heartbeat?!” Linda was clearly interrupted and simply asked “Now didn’t you see that little flicker?” A flicker? There was a flicker? I knew what a flicker meant and immediately all was right in my world. Steve squeezed my hand and Linda zoomed in... And there it was, clear as day.. Our beautiful little baby’s heart beating strongly at 122 bpm. With the exception of method for viewing, I could have sat there watching that little heart beating away all day.

The baby measured right on track. I had a large-ish cyst on my left ovary which is suspected to be a corpus luteum cyst and the source of our little one. Before all was done we got to check in on him/her one more time. S/he might only have been a little blob on a computer screen, but I could help but fall in love.

After the ultrasound we sat down with my doctor. She went over my labs and everything looked great except my 24 hour urine collection... It was within normal range but a little higher (low 200s) than what is she wanted to see. She said it might be worth re-checking after I have the baby (it is not currently a pregnancy issue) and it might warrant a further look into my kidney function, but she doesn’t think there is really anything to be done right now since it is still in normal range.

After the appointment Steve and I headed to Borders to buy a pregnancy journal (ended up with 2!) and then we stopped off to buy the baby a gift as we did after Caden’s first appointment. This time we bought him/her 2 cute little sleepers and we bought big brother Caden some jammies, too. We then had a nice lunch before picking up the little man. It was a perfect day and we now have our little one’s first picture proudly displayed - I can’t wait to see (and meet!) him/her again.

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I think this entry has ended up long enough... I suppose that is what happens when you don’t update for a while. I want to make it a point to write more often as this is probably the best way I have to chronicle all of this right now, but at the same time I’m enjoying time away from the computer with my favorite two guys.... So we’ll see... ;)For now I have some veggies to plant...

Ultrasounds - Baby #2

December 8, 2009
36 weeks, 2 days

3D - hand across face

hand playing with his little foot

Hair growing off the back of his head

Still a boy!

August 18, 2009

20 weeks, 2 days
hand - Middle of Screen
Head on left, body, spine on bottom

Hand in front of face

Feet

It's a boy!!!

And another shot to confirm...

3D profile, a little distored but still cute! love the adorabel hand

3D face - or smiling skeleton ;)

June 30, 2009
13 weeks, 2 days

May 12, 2009
6 weeks, 2 days