Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Becoming Mommy

Thats all the world needs - another Mommy blog. I've been meaning to start this blog for sometime now but the 2 months and 2 weeks since the birth of my son have been hectic to say the least. But I love to write and can do quite well with it when I want to so the return to the blog world was inevitable. I've kept a blog in the past regarding my pregnancy but I'd like to keep that private and the birth of my son brought a new chapter.
My pregnancy was labeled high risk due to pre-eclampsia and while I never for even a minute doubted that I would hold my beautiful baby boy in my arms, there was worry and stress. Complications with me, my son, premature birth... all were expected. But on January 24, 2007, after 26 hours of labor, fetal distress, and an emergency c-section, my son was welcomed into this world full term and perfectly healthy. Caden Michael weighed in at 7lbs, 6oz and 19inces long. He was greeted by his loving and proud Mommy and Daddy, adoring Grandparents, and a host of Aunts and Uncles. Every day since I wake in the morning and think to myself - How lucky are we? Steve (my husband) and I have our perfect little boy, our cute little house, 3 funky cats, a loving family, and are finally our beautiful little family of three.

Caden is a healthy, happy baby - he is gaining well and growing and hitting all the milestones expected. He's already rolled over, holds his head up, smiles and coos all the time, is showing interest in toys and loves his Mommy and Daddy most of all.
Becoming Mommy hasn't been the easiest thing I've done in my life by far. I knew the day I found out I was pregnant that this would be hard - the most difficult I could imagine. But even so I had no idea just how hard becoming mommy would be. Nothing is the same - even the most tiny detail of everyday life is forever changed. Welcoming Caden into the world and bringing him home with us required us to re-organize or entire life. We've had to learn how to do even the simplest task again - and differently now that we had a baby. We've had to rethink how we do everything and discover how to live this new life with our son. It is an ongoing process and we learn something new every day but so far I think we have done quite well! The first few weeks were tough but slowly we are learning and settling into our new life. Projects around the house have started up again, outings have been planned, things get done, and laughter and love fill our house. There are still the hard days, tummy aches and sleepless nights - and while I dream of a good nights sleep, calm my child through his fussy moments and tummy aches, and some days accomplish nothing at all beyond baby, not a moment goes by that I don't realize how worth it everything is. The complications of my pregnancy, the worry and stress, a complicated delivery, all that disappeared the moment I heard my son cry the first time and looked into his tiny eyes. And the stress of those "bad" days and sleepless nights melt away the second my little boy looks up at me, smiles, and lets out a little coo. Nothing compares to those first smiles your child gives that are only for you... except every smile afterwards. The way his eyes light up when he sees me is amazing. He is amazing. Steve and I still look at him and can't believe that we made this perfect little person - that one day on our honeymoon led to him and that he is ours.
Yesterday I was talking with my Mother. I was telling her how late at night after I finish nursing Caden and lay him back in his crib to sleep… no matter how exhausted I am and no matter how much I just want to go back to bed I can't resist when he looks up at me and smiles. I stand there in the dim light of his nursery looking at him as he gazes up and we smile at each other. She looked at me with a little grin and said "It's amazing how much you can love them - you never know just how much you can love until they are here". And she is right. I loved Caden the moment I knew he was inside me. I fell more in love with him every day that passed. With every wiggle, every kick, every hiccup, my love grew. I was amazed at how much I could love a person I'd never even seen. But that was nothing compared to the first moment I held him in my arms and every day since. The love you have for you child is like nothing I'd even known. I love my son with all of my heart and a thousand more and there is nothing I wouldn't do for him. The challenges of becoming mommy are many - but the rewards are so much more.

Beyond our little bundle of joy there are 2 more that make up our family of three. My husband and I were married on April 29, 2006 and are getting ready to celebrate our first anniversary. Caden was conceived on our honeymoon and while he was a very welcomed surprise, it isn't like we didn't know what we were doing. Our wedding was amazing and its still hard to believe its almost been a year - and even more how far we've come in such a short time. Prior to finding out I was pregnant we were planning a big trip for our first anniversary and we were getting ready to book when those 2 pink lines appeared. Now things have changed but we are still planning a great night, even though it will be a little more quiet.

I don't know what will happen with this blog. I don't know who will read it if anyone, I don't know who I might pass the address along to. Perhaps it will die out like previous ones, or maybe I'll do better at maintaining it. But this is me and my life - while not the choice of all and not the most exciting to some, its everything to me and my family of three.


Christina said...

Hello Carrie!!! The way you talk sometimes makes we want a baby so bad. I can't wait to become a Mom. I can't wait to read more in your blog! Even though I have never met you I still think you are such a great mom. Caden is so lucky to have you and Steve as his parents.


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