When I first realized I was most likely going to need fertility meds to get pregnant again, I didn’t want anyone to know. I’m not sure why but I just didn’t. I told my Mom, of course, but beyond that it was no one’s business... And it still isn’t. I guess that maybe at least some of that stems from not many people knowing we were TTC, either. I told a few close friends, My mom, etc... But beyond that I thought I’d be announcing my pregnancy within a few months so it didn’t matter.
After being diagnosed with PCOS, things became a little more complicated - I’ve debated who to say anything to, and who to leave in the dark. The truth is I am a little ashamed.. Not so much of PCOS but of my body, for screwing up yet again. This is no longer just a pregnancy thing, an issue that will disappear when I announce that I am pregnant. This is something I’m going to have to deal with for the rest of my life.
I still have no desire to make this all public knowledge at this point, hence I started a new blog. Our old blog links through our website which extended family, coworkers, etc have access to and have checked in on. While I do have intentions to combine the two blogs, I’m not sure when and I don’t expect it to be any time soon.
The truth is originally I just assumed I’d just need a few pills to kick my ovaries into action and things would be set, I’d get pregnant quickly, and that would be the end of it. I didn’t see the need to let anyone in on the pill part since it was only temporary. Now I need to come to terms with the fact that this likely is going to take some time. My doctor said within a year, and it could be sooner - I am hoping it will be very soon, but I’m trying to accept that later is more likely. We’re only starting with Metformin and it will take time to build up to my dose, to work... And if not we’ll need to add clomid and again, take the time to let that work.
At this point our immediate family knows whats going on, and that is as far as I intend the information to spread for now. I am lucky that I have an extremely close relationship with my mother, my father, and my brothers. I’m not as close with my inlaws, but that is something we’re working on and I’m glad they know, too. It helps to have all of their support, an extra ear, another perspective. And with the holidays fast approaching it helps that the people we’ll spend the most time with know what’s going on. I’m concerned about possible side effects on Metformin and at least I’ll be able to explain why I’m passing on that glass of wine at dinner instead of inspiring pregnancy rumors to spread.
I’m not sure when I’ll be comfortable letting others in on this... But they really don’t need to know anyway. I’m not a particularly private person, but for now I’m comfortable at where this stands.
...
Late tomorrow morning I have another doctor’s appointment. I expect to go over everything that we already know in more detail, ask my questions, and get prescriptions sorted out. I’m hoping that I don’t learn anything new, unless its good of course. I’m eager to get the ball rolling.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Denied
Despite living in a state where infertility insurance coverage is mandated... We conveniently fit into a nice little loop hole where that is not the case. Yep - we have no insurance coverage for infertility of any kind due to my husband’s company being headquartered outside the state of Illinois. And we’re covered by a major insurance company so as far as I’m concerned this is all a load of bullshit.
Actually, as far as I’m concerned infertility not being covered at all, anywhere, is a load of bullshit. Over the past few days dealing with this I’ve fumed and fussed over all the things insurance will cover and I could go into a rant now, and perhaps I will later, but as of now I just don’t have it in me.
While I understand inducing ovulation is not covered... I don‘t understand why not. Not ovulating is a symptom of PCOS and why shouldn’t that symptom be treated as all others are? IUI, IVF, okay. But if I was healthy and not suffering from PCOS I would be ovulating... And I just want my body to do as it should. I know its beating a dead horse but it annoys me none the less. The entire health care system is so flawed, its all crap.
The kicker to all of this is that up until very recently - as in within the last month to few months - we DID have coverage. However, something changed in the mandate and now we don’t. HR is looking into it to find out exactly what changed (though I have my suspicions as stated above) but at this point I don’t see a point. Knowing why I don’t have coverage isn’t going to help me. There is an extremely small chance that we are still mandated to have coverage and for some reason its been over looked, but even HR said its doubtful.
I was aware of this when I went in for my ultrasound so I made sure to make mention that this needs to be coded for exactly what it is, PCOS diagnosis, and not infertility. However, my appointment on the 18th WAS coded as infertility (in addition to anovulation and irregular cycles) so when I looked it up online today, the $110 claim for that appointment had been denied. I immediately called my doctors office and they are going to recode and resubmit since I technically did go in for irregular cycles... And from now on I’ll be going in for treatment of polycystic ovaries... Infertility after all is just a symptom.
Right now we should be okay - since I’m being treated for PCOS my OB appointments should be covered. Metformin should be covered as well and if its not at least its cheap and on Wal-Mart’s $4 prescription list. If/when the time comes to be put on Clomid I’m not even going to attempt to push it though on our prescription plan... Since as far as the insurance company is concerned we’re not trying to have a baby, just trying to ovulate. Clomid is also on the $4 list (though it costs $9) so that won’t be an issue to cover out of pocket.
This will all become an issue if the drugs don’t work and we need to move on to injectables and/or IUI/IVF etc. But lets just hope that doesn’t happen. Its not going to happen... The drugs should work. I hope they work... They have to work. They will work, and if they don’t, we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
I suppose this is just another hurdle to jump. As DH said, we’ll work though it and hope that this never becomes a major issue. It just sucks to have to deal with at all.
Actually, as far as I’m concerned infertility not being covered at all, anywhere, is a load of bullshit. Over the past few days dealing with this I’ve fumed and fussed over all the things insurance will cover and I could go into a rant now, and perhaps I will later, but as of now I just don’t have it in me.
While I understand inducing ovulation is not covered... I don‘t understand why not. Not ovulating is a symptom of PCOS and why shouldn’t that symptom be treated as all others are? IUI, IVF, okay. But if I was healthy and not suffering from PCOS I would be ovulating... And I just want my body to do as it should. I know its beating a dead horse but it annoys me none the less. The entire health care system is so flawed, its all crap.
The kicker to all of this is that up until very recently - as in within the last month to few months - we DID have coverage. However, something changed in the mandate and now we don’t. HR is looking into it to find out exactly what changed (though I have my suspicions as stated above) but at this point I don’t see a point. Knowing why I don’t have coverage isn’t going to help me. There is an extremely small chance that we are still mandated to have coverage and for some reason its been over looked, but even HR said its doubtful.
I was aware of this when I went in for my ultrasound so I made sure to make mention that this needs to be coded for exactly what it is, PCOS diagnosis, and not infertility. However, my appointment on the 18th WAS coded as infertility (in addition to anovulation and irregular cycles) so when I looked it up online today, the $110 claim for that appointment had been denied. I immediately called my doctors office and they are going to recode and resubmit since I technically did go in for irregular cycles... And from now on I’ll be going in for treatment of polycystic ovaries... Infertility after all is just a symptom.
Right now we should be okay - since I’m being treated for PCOS my OB appointments should be covered. Metformin should be covered as well and if its not at least its cheap and on Wal-Mart’s $4 prescription list. If/when the time comes to be put on Clomid I’m not even going to attempt to push it though on our prescription plan... Since as far as the insurance company is concerned we’re not trying to have a baby, just trying to ovulate. Clomid is also on the $4 list (though it costs $9) so that won’t be an issue to cover out of pocket.
This will all become an issue if the drugs don’t work and we need to move on to injectables and/or IUI/IVF etc. But lets just hope that doesn’t happen. Its not going to happen... The drugs should work. I hope they work... They have to work. They will work, and if they don’t, we’ll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
I suppose this is just another hurdle to jump. As DH said, we’ll work though it and hope that this never becomes a major issue. It just sucks to have to deal with at all.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Another Point of View
This morning I woke up bright and early to make sure I had plenty of time to shower and get dressed before C woke up as I had my ultrasound at 9:30am. I realize now that I really was holding onto hope that those lab results were just errors... That I was soon to find out nothing was wrong with me.
My name was called and I met up with the sonographer.. She introduced herself to me to which I responded “Do you remember me?” “Of course” she replied “but sometimes people don’t remember me so I didn’t want to put you on the spot”.
It was almost two years ago, but after all the time we spent together it would be hard to forget Linda. She performed all of my ultrasounds (outside if the high risk ones) when I was pregnant with C - and in the last months I required weekly AFIs so there were lots of them. I love her - she is great and so sweet. Quite often my ultrasound was the last of the day so we’d spend a little extra time after the fluid measurements were done and just spy in on my little guy, watch him yawn and move around, and I always left with lots of pictures.
I thought going into that room would be difficult, seeing how these were the exact opposite circumstances that first found me there. But it wasn’t. I thought the ultrasound would be much more uncomfortable, but it wasn’t either. Definitely not on my list of favorite things to do on a Tuesday morning, but not as bad as I imagined it might be.
I was starting to regret setting up the appointment for then, since my doctor wasn’t in this week and I’d have to wait until next Wednesday for the results. Legally Linda couldn’t tell me anything... But I already knew I had PCOS. She showed me my right ovary... And she showed me the line of cysts on it. She said she didn’t count all of them but there were five that she took measurements on. My left ovary decided to be more difficult, but three cysts were measured.
It was when I first saw those black circles on the screen was when I realized that despite knowing that they were most likely there, I was still so hopeful that they weren’t. Even if they were not there the diagnosis would still stand due to my labs... But I guess I was secretly hoping that the labs were flawed, errors made by someone. Seeing them on that screen hurt more than I thought it would.
It was after the ultrasound was over and I sat up that I lost my composure a little bit. I saw the string of ultrasound photos hanging from the printer and my mind flashed back to when those images depicted little toes and a baby’s profile. I cried a little. I had always imagined being back in that room because I was having a baby... Not because I couldn’t.
I’m glad that it was Linda - we talked about holiday plans and family and I think that’s what kept me from being over emotional most of the time. She asked when my next appointment was and she isn’t in that day but I’m sure we’ll see her again.
I just hope the next time the image on that screen is a tiny beating heart.
My name was called and I met up with the sonographer.. She introduced herself to me to which I responded “Do you remember me?” “Of course” she replied “but sometimes people don’t remember me so I didn’t want to put you on the spot”.
It was almost two years ago, but after all the time we spent together it would be hard to forget Linda. She performed all of my ultrasounds (outside if the high risk ones) when I was pregnant with C - and in the last months I required weekly AFIs so there were lots of them. I love her - she is great and so sweet. Quite often my ultrasound was the last of the day so we’d spend a little extra time after the fluid measurements were done and just spy in on my little guy, watch him yawn and move around, and I always left with lots of pictures.
I thought going into that room would be difficult, seeing how these were the exact opposite circumstances that first found me there. But it wasn’t. I thought the ultrasound would be much more uncomfortable, but it wasn’t either. Definitely not on my list of favorite things to do on a Tuesday morning, but not as bad as I imagined it might be.
I was starting to regret setting up the appointment for then, since my doctor wasn’t in this week and I’d have to wait until next Wednesday for the results. Legally Linda couldn’t tell me anything... But I already knew I had PCOS. She showed me my right ovary... And she showed me the line of cysts on it. She said she didn’t count all of them but there were five that she took measurements on. My left ovary decided to be more difficult, but three cysts were measured.
It was when I first saw those black circles on the screen was when I realized that despite knowing that they were most likely there, I was still so hopeful that they weren’t. Even if they were not there the diagnosis would still stand due to my labs... But I guess I was secretly hoping that the labs were flawed, errors made by someone. Seeing them on that screen hurt more than I thought it would.
It was after the ultrasound was over and I sat up that I lost my composure a little bit. I saw the string of ultrasound photos hanging from the printer and my mind flashed back to when those images depicted little toes and a baby’s profile. I cried a little. I had always imagined being back in that room because I was having a baby... Not because I couldn’t.
I’m glad that it was Linda - we talked about holiday plans and family and I think that’s what kept me from being over emotional most of the time. She asked when my next appointment was and she isn’t in that day but I’m sure we’ll see her again.
I just hope the next time the image on that screen is a tiny beating heart.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Accepting a New Reality
I anticipated the phone call for days.. I had hope, a plan, and the labs would just solidify that plan. A little bit of this, a little bit of that, pregnant soon! When the labs weren’t in by 1pm Friday I was down - now I’d have to wait and wonder all weekend. And then, 2 hours later, the phone rang and door slammed shut on previous notions and ideas. I am now forced to chisel a new path out of this mountain that lay before me. I am now forced to accept the reality of PCOS and hopefully overcome the infertility that has come with it.
To be honest, somehow I always knew that I would face this. Despite having fairly regular cycles the majority of my life... In the dark corners of my mind I always expected to have difficulty conceiving. Well before I was planning to have children I lurked infertility blogs and looked up information on tests and procedures. I paid attention and hoped it wasn’t in store for me, though I felt it was.
So on May 26, 2006 as I stood over my bathroom counter, still nursing my sun burnt shoulders from my honeymoon just weeks before, I was shocked in so many ways as to what appeared before me. A stark white background with two blazing pink lines on an almost expired pregnancy test. I glanced at the test, the instructions, the test, and back to the instructions. I threw on my cloths and brushed my hair and hurried out to the store to buy a fresh test... And 2 cans of cat food.
The original test was correct and the six tests that followed confirmed. Despite intercourse timed to what should have been an infertile period in my cycle... We conceived our honeymoon baby. Nine months later, after a pregnancy complicated by preeclampsia complete with 4 months of bed rest, we welcomed our beautiful little boy into this world by emergency c-section on January 24, 2007.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I remember telling myself that I guess all those infertile worries and thoughts were wrong... But I never believed it. I remember my neighbor, who was going through IVF at the time, telling me now that I had one it would be oh so easy to have more. I smiled and nodded... But never believed a word of it. And after Caden was born I couldn’t get the words “secondary infertility” out of my mind, but held on to hope that I was just being crazy again. After all, look how easy it was to conceive our son.
My cycles returned at 5 months post partum and were fairly normal. Now that I think back on it I do think they were a week late at times, but I believe I was ovulating and nothing raised any flags. That all changed after I needed an emergency appendectomy in February of 2008. Since then AF has taken many long vacations only to pop in for an hour or so at a time here and there, just a little spotting, then jetting off yet again. In the past 9 months I’ve had 2 normal cycles. I won’t even get into the mess of what I was told regarding my fertility just moments before surgery.
I went to my doctor in June 2008 and we both assumed it was just taking my body a little longer to regulate after the stress of surgery. My thyroid checked fine, testosterone came back inconclusive. I cycled normally after that so I never went back to be rechecked.
August 2008 came and AF went on hiatus once more. I knew something was wrong and had started to worry that we had just missed the last egg I’d ever get. And with that DH and I bumped TTC #2 up to then. At first it was exciting... I still thought my cycles would regulate. But they didn’t. I started charting and that confirmed I wasn’t actually ovulating.
I headed back to the doctor on November 18, 2008 sure we’d get this figured out. Maybe it would take a little help to jump start my crabby ovaries, but all would be well. We came up with a plan to start provera and clomid in December if I didn’t ovulate on my own by then - in the mean time my doctor wanted to run a few labs for PCOS just to rule it out. Despite the long history of bad lab results I’ve faced over the last several years.... I had hope and believed that these would just rule things out.
I was actually looking forward to looking like an over eager patient who demanded things were wrong when they weren’t. Thats never been the case so it was a welcome change. Every time I go into the doctor thinking something’s wrong, I’ve been right...
“I think I have meningitis”... huh... Indeed I did!
“I think I have preelcampsia”.... Mrs. G - your 24 hr urine collection came back and indeed you are spilling a significant amount of protein...
“I think I have appendicitis.. Though it doesn’t really hurt“..... “well Mrs. G, it does seem that way but you’re not presenting as a typical appendicitis case so we’ll just run this lab.......... Uh.... You need to go to the hospital.......... Now”.
“I think I’m infertile”.... Well Mrs. G... You are!!!
And now we find ourselves conveniently back to the beginning of this entry. Despite the length, I think I’ve summed things up pretty well.
We are still waiting on a few lab results but those that did come in Friday afternoon said it all. My fasting insulin was borderline high, enough to indicate insulin resistance, and my LH:FSH ratio was way off (levels were 19:4). The rest of the labs and tests aren’t necessary for a diagnosis at this point, but will help to paint an overall picture.
Tuesday I am going in for an ultrasound to check my ovaries - my doctor won’t be in to read it but I wanted to get this done and over with. Then on December 3rd I have an appt with my doctor to go over everything in detail and gather up prescriptions. I’ll be starting Provera at that point to bring on AF in a timely fashion and to “give me a clean slate” and we’ll be starting out with Metformin.
With all being said this is a reality that hasn’t been easy to accept, though I feel like I’m doing quite well as of now.... But its only been a few days. I’ve researched and called and clicked and ordered books. Secondary infertility hurts... A lot... But that is never to be mistaken that I am not forever grateful for the gift of my amazing little boy. I’ve always felt so extremely blessed and lucky to have him in my life... And over the past few days I can’t help but look at him and be so thankful that one day on our honeymoon we decided “Lets just see what happens”. We didn’t think it would, but I am forever grateful and truly blessed that it did. Caden is my world - He is everything to me. And not a day has gone by since 5.26.06 that I haven’t been truly thankful for the gift that I have been given in him.
To be honest, somehow I always knew that I would face this. Despite having fairly regular cycles the majority of my life... In the dark corners of my mind I always expected to have difficulty conceiving. Well before I was planning to have children I lurked infertility blogs and looked up information on tests and procedures. I paid attention and hoped it wasn’t in store for me, though I felt it was.
So on May 26, 2006 as I stood over my bathroom counter, still nursing my sun burnt shoulders from my honeymoon just weeks before, I was shocked in so many ways as to what appeared before me. A stark white background with two blazing pink lines on an almost expired pregnancy test. I glanced at the test, the instructions, the test, and back to the instructions. I threw on my cloths and brushed my hair and hurried out to the store to buy a fresh test... And 2 cans of cat food.
The original test was correct and the six tests that followed confirmed. Despite intercourse timed to what should have been an infertile period in my cycle... We conceived our honeymoon baby. Nine months later, after a pregnancy complicated by preeclampsia complete with 4 months of bed rest, we welcomed our beautiful little boy into this world by emergency c-section on January 24, 2007.
When I first found out I was pregnant, I remember telling myself that I guess all those infertile worries and thoughts were wrong... But I never believed it. I remember my neighbor, who was going through IVF at the time, telling me now that I had one it would be oh so easy to have more. I smiled and nodded... But never believed a word of it. And after Caden was born I couldn’t get the words “secondary infertility” out of my mind, but held on to hope that I was just being crazy again. After all, look how easy it was to conceive our son.
My cycles returned at 5 months post partum and were fairly normal. Now that I think back on it I do think they were a week late at times, but I believe I was ovulating and nothing raised any flags. That all changed after I needed an emergency appendectomy in February of 2008. Since then AF has taken many long vacations only to pop in for an hour or so at a time here and there, just a little spotting, then jetting off yet again. In the past 9 months I’ve had 2 normal cycles. I won’t even get into the mess of what I was told regarding my fertility just moments before surgery.
I went to my doctor in June 2008 and we both assumed it was just taking my body a little longer to regulate after the stress of surgery. My thyroid checked fine, testosterone came back inconclusive. I cycled normally after that so I never went back to be rechecked.
August 2008 came and AF went on hiatus once more. I knew something was wrong and had started to worry that we had just missed the last egg I’d ever get. And with that DH and I bumped TTC #2 up to then. At first it was exciting... I still thought my cycles would regulate. But they didn’t. I started charting and that confirmed I wasn’t actually ovulating.
I headed back to the doctor on November 18, 2008 sure we’d get this figured out. Maybe it would take a little help to jump start my crabby ovaries, but all would be well. We came up with a plan to start provera and clomid in December if I didn’t ovulate on my own by then - in the mean time my doctor wanted to run a few labs for PCOS just to rule it out. Despite the long history of bad lab results I’ve faced over the last several years.... I had hope and believed that these would just rule things out.
I was actually looking forward to looking like an over eager patient who demanded things were wrong when they weren’t. Thats never been the case so it was a welcome change. Every time I go into the doctor thinking something’s wrong, I’ve been right...
“I think I have meningitis”... huh... Indeed I did!
“I think I have preelcampsia”.... Mrs. G - your 24 hr urine collection came back and indeed you are spilling a significant amount of protein...
“I think I have appendicitis.. Though it doesn’t really hurt“..... “well Mrs. G, it does seem that way but you’re not presenting as a typical appendicitis case so we’ll just run this lab.......... Uh.... You need to go to the hospital.......... Now”.
“I think I’m infertile”.... Well Mrs. G... You are!!!
And now we find ourselves conveniently back to the beginning of this entry. Despite the length, I think I’ve summed things up pretty well.
We are still waiting on a few lab results but those that did come in Friday afternoon said it all. My fasting insulin was borderline high, enough to indicate insulin resistance, and my LH:FSH ratio was way off (levels were 19:4). The rest of the labs and tests aren’t necessary for a diagnosis at this point, but will help to paint an overall picture.
Tuesday I am going in for an ultrasound to check my ovaries - my doctor won’t be in to read it but I wanted to get this done and over with. Then on December 3rd I have an appt with my doctor to go over everything in detail and gather up prescriptions. I’ll be starting Provera at that point to bring on AF in a timely fashion and to “give me a clean slate” and we’ll be starting out with Metformin.
With all being said this is a reality that hasn’t been easy to accept, though I feel like I’m doing quite well as of now.... But its only been a few days. I’ve researched and called and clicked and ordered books. Secondary infertility hurts... A lot... But that is never to be mistaken that I am not forever grateful for the gift of my amazing little boy. I’ve always felt so extremely blessed and lucky to have him in my life... And over the past few days I can’t help but look at him and be so thankful that one day on our honeymoon we decided “Lets just see what happens”. We didn’t think it would, but I am forever grateful and truly blessed that it did. Caden is my world - He is everything to me. And not a day has gone by since 5.26.06 that I haven’t been truly thankful for the gift that I have been given in him.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Padded Rooms
Its been chilly and cool the past few days - it is starting to feel like fall and I love it. The mornings are perfect to bring Caden into bed and snuggle up for a morning cuddle. Shorts and tshirts have become pants and sweaters - slippers and socks are a must in the morning. Its perfect. However, I’m fully aware that as past would dictate we’re in for at least one more hot stretch, but for now I’m enjoying the start of fall.
We’ve been going on a lot of walks lately. Caden and I during the day, and the whole family, beagle included, in the evening after dinner. We get hot chocolate and just walk and talk - Caden loves to ride in his wagon and jabber about everything he sees. Its nice :).
I’m still waiting for Caden to slow down - I assumed as he got older and more stable on his feet the bumps and bruises would start to subside, oh how I was wrong. He might be more stable, but he is also more into climbing everything, running, sliding, chasing, tripping, not looking where he is going. Some days I just don’t know what to do with him though the thought to built him a padded room has crossed my mind. A week and a half ago as we walked out of the house to run some errands he was excited and caught the corner of the pillar under his right eye leaving a lovely bruise. He followed that up the next day falling on his toys and giving himself a true black eye. Those bruises are starting to fade, though still noticeable.... Yesterday I go get him out of his crib in the morning and now his other eye is black. The worst is I don’t have any idea as to where he got that one, never mind the fact that he looks like he was in quite the toddler playground fight :(. I wonder how much a padded room would run.. Or maybe it would be more cost effective just to make him a bubble wrap suit since we’re really running out of options over here.
In other happenings my day today is pretty much shot as I sit and wait for the call to go pick up our car - finally. Two and a half weeks ago Steve was running to the store when he was rear ended at a stop light - Caden was in the car. Thankfully everyone was okay but the car was not. $4,000 worth of damage, a new car seat that has traveled the country (don’t get me started on UPS), and 2.5 weeks later the car should hopefully be ready to be picked up this afternoon with a pretty new back end and a bunch of work done to the front (the car was pushed into a trailer hitch of the car in front). I’m just happy the guy who hit us had decent insurance and took 100% liability (not that there was ever any question). The insurance even paid for the new car seat. We were given a rental car, too, but I’m looking forward to getting our car back and being done with this mess.
Steve and I have also started a new family project. Stemming from previous issues though I really have no idea where we stand on that project, but it doesn’t look good. But progress continues and we’ll see where we end up - hopefully we have at least some sort of an answer soon. I did have a dream last night though, it was nice. For now thats all it was though.
I’m all over the place this morning as this entry would suggest! But thats how I’ve been feeling most of the last week or so. I’ve been feeling exhausted and I can only assume because so many projects are being left unfinished at the end of the day. At least I have our evening walks to clear my mind.
Hopefully once we get our car back and I’m not left wondering each morning if I’m going to have to drop what I’m doing to return the rental and get the car (it was supposed to be done last week) things will feel less hmm ;)
We’ve been going on a lot of walks lately. Caden and I during the day, and the whole family, beagle included, in the evening after dinner. We get hot chocolate and just walk and talk - Caden loves to ride in his wagon and jabber about everything he sees. Its nice :).
I’m still waiting for Caden to slow down - I assumed as he got older and more stable on his feet the bumps and bruises would start to subside, oh how I was wrong. He might be more stable, but he is also more into climbing everything, running, sliding, chasing, tripping, not looking where he is going. Some days I just don’t know what to do with him though the thought to built him a padded room has crossed my mind. A week and a half ago as we walked out of the house to run some errands he was excited and caught the corner of the pillar under his right eye leaving a lovely bruise. He followed that up the next day falling on his toys and giving himself a true black eye. Those bruises are starting to fade, though still noticeable.... Yesterday I go get him out of his crib in the morning and now his other eye is black. The worst is I don’t have any idea as to where he got that one, never mind the fact that he looks like he was in quite the toddler playground fight :(. I wonder how much a padded room would run.. Or maybe it would be more cost effective just to make him a bubble wrap suit since we’re really running out of options over here.
In other happenings my day today is pretty much shot as I sit and wait for the call to go pick up our car - finally. Two and a half weeks ago Steve was running to the store when he was rear ended at a stop light - Caden was in the car. Thankfully everyone was okay but the car was not. $4,000 worth of damage, a new car seat that has traveled the country (don’t get me started on UPS), and 2.5 weeks later the car should hopefully be ready to be picked up this afternoon with a pretty new back end and a bunch of work done to the front (the car was pushed into a trailer hitch of the car in front). I’m just happy the guy who hit us had decent insurance and took 100% liability (not that there was ever any question). The insurance even paid for the new car seat. We were given a rental car, too, but I’m looking forward to getting our car back and being done with this mess.
Steve and I have also started a new family project. Stemming from previous issues though I really have no idea where we stand on that project, but it doesn’t look good. But progress continues and we’ll see where we end up - hopefully we have at least some sort of an answer soon. I did have a dream last night though, it was nice. For now thats all it was though.
I’m all over the place this morning as this entry would suggest! But thats how I’ve been feeling most of the last week or so. I’ve been feeling exhausted and I can only assume because so many projects are being left unfinished at the end of the day. At least I have our evening walks to clear my mind.
Hopefully once we get our car back and I’m not left wondering each morning if I’m going to have to drop what I’m doing to return the rental and get the car (it was supposed to be done last week) things will feel less hmm ;)
Friday, August 15, 2008
Chasing Beagles
Its the middle of August, summer is almost done, and I am impressed at just how quickly this summer passed. Just how quickly time has been slipping away from me.
This summer has been busy but fun! We haven’t really done a whole lot of big things, so how these months passed so quickly I’m not sure. We’ve played outside a lot, went to the zoo (finally posted pics), cook outs, parties, swim lessons, Steve got a wii, I got a new laptop, lots of craft stuff going on, made progress in our basement, went to the fair, weathered some storms, walked with the wagon, played at the park, chased beagles, cleaned messes... Its been a low key summer and its been nice!
We have switched Caden into cloth diapers full time now and surprisingly even Steve loves them! The added work is really minimal and its so nice not to have to worry about buying diapers. And of course the environmental aspect is great. Caden’s brightly colored, adorable cloth covered bum is a nice perk, too :) Plus, we can use them on the next baby.
So what about the next baby some have asked... Soon enough! But not too soon of course. We’ve been talking about it and have ideas in place. If I wrote this entry 2 days ago it would have been filled with gushing and excitement regarding our next child - but yesterday Caden was having an “off” day - complete with a temper tantrum that lead to a frazzled Mommy stealing half a tank of gas, so I’m okay with waiting a little bit longer ( but not too long ;)).
As for the gas, after I realized I didn’t pay for it I headed back over and took care of the bill and felt like a super huge ass. The clerk didn’t report my crime spree at that point as he suspected it to be an honest mistake and that I’d be back... I did insert my card into the machine, I just lifted the nozzle and started pumping before confirming on the screen or something - And I managed to do this at probably the last pump on earth that doesn’t require you to prepay. I’ll be honest, I hate pumping gas so Steve usually takes care of it - I think we’ll stick to that set up now!
In summary everyone in our land of 3 is doing wonderful. Caden, despite his off day, is adorable as always and keeps us on our toes. Ellie has grown so much and will be a year old next month, the cats are great as well and finally getting used to life in a house with a crazy little person running around and a beagle on the prowl, and Caden adores his beagle and elusive kitty cats. Progress has been made on the house, we've been having fun, and life has been simple for the first time in so long.. I'm loving it.
I keep meaning to blog more and hope to have the time to do so soon. But I’ve been pretty terrible at posting this summer so yeah. The shorter days of fall and winter that are fast approaching lead to more time inside and thus more time to kill, right? I guess we’ll see!
This summer has been busy but fun! We haven’t really done a whole lot of big things, so how these months passed so quickly I’m not sure. We’ve played outside a lot, went to the zoo (finally posted pics), cook outs, parties, swim lessons, Steve got a wii, I got a new laptop, lots of craft stuff going on, made progress in our basement, went to the fair, weathered some storms, walked with the wagon, played at the park, chased beagles, cleaned messes... Its been a low key summer and its been nice!
We have switched Caden into cloth diapers full time now and surprisingly even Steve loves them! The added work is really minimal and its so nice not to have to worry about buying diapers. And of course the environmental aspect is great. Caden’s brightly colored, adorable cloth covered bum is a nice perk, too :) Plus, we can use them on the next baby.
So what about the next baby some have asked... Soon enough! But not too soon of course. We’ve been talking about it and have ideas in place. If I wrote this entry 2 days ago it would have been filled with gushing and excitement regarding our next child - but yesterday Caden was having an “off” day - complete with a temper tantrum that lead to a frazzled Mommy stealing half a tank of gas, so I’m okay with waiting a little bit longer ( but not too long ;)).
As for the gas, after I realized I didn’t pay for it I headed back over and took care of the bill and felt like a super huge ass. The clerk didn’t report my crime spree at that point as he suspected it to be an honest mistake and that I’d be back... I did insert my card into the machine, I just lifted the nozzle and started pumping before confirming on the screen or something - And I managed to do this at probably the last pump on earth that doesn’t require you to prepay. I’ll be honest, I hate pumping gas so Steve usually takes care of it - I think we’ll stick to that set up now!
In summary everyone in our land of 3 is doing wonderful. Caden, despite his off day, is adorable as always and keeps us on our toes. Ellie has grown so much and will be a year old next month, the cats are great as well and finally getting used to life in a house with a crazy little person running around and a beagle on the prowl, and Caden adores his beagle and elusive kitty cats. Progress has been made on the house, we've been having fun, and life has been simple for the first time in so long.. I'm loving it.
I keep meaning to blog more and hope to have the time to do so soon. But I’ve been pretty terrible at posting this summer so yeah. The shorter days of fall and winter that are fast approaching lead to more time inside and thus more time to kill, right? I guess we’ll see!
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Everywhere you go
Dear Caden,
You’re 18 months old now and boy have we been busy! So much that I haven’t had time to write you (or anything really!) in quite some time. But 18 months warrants some time set aside from our day to write to you and as always, I’m wondering where the time has gone.
We’ve been so busy this summer – Daddy and I took you to the zoo for the first time back in May and you had a blast. Your favorite animal to see was the otter. It was a really wonderful day. We also had Swim lessons! You love the water so we knew you’d love the big pool and you did. We’d splash and sing and play… you loved to play humpty dumpty and practice kicking your feet. You love to run and jump and play, and you love to toss things in the pond in the backyard. You love your swing and ball pit, and you love your wagons. You love to play with your puppy, and you love your Mommy and Daddy. I love it when you run up to me and wrap your arms around my legs. I love you so very much.
Yesterday you had your 18month doctor checkup. You weigh 30.4lbs and are over 34 inches tall!! You’re going to be tall just like your Daddy. Everything went normal at first and I fully expected a routine appointment. Unfortunately, this appointment wasn’t. The doctor noticed a difference in skin fold on your left leg, and your knee looked lower than the other but it was hard to tell because you were squirming. Because of the 2 symptoms, the doctor wanted xrays done to test you for something called DDH (Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip). In infants this problem can usually be corrected with a brace, but by 18months, DDH requires extensive hip surgery, months of recovery, a scary cast… a terrible ordeal for any child to go through. You are such a vibrant little boy, you love to run and jump and climb and you are always on the go. I just couldn’t imagine this. I was devastated and I freaked out. Waiting for those xrays and waiting for the call after they were read had to be the longest 3 hours of my life.
While 2 symptoms is alarming… the family of ours who read this blog (and are old enough to remember) know what really sent my terror over the edge. I was born with DDH (though not called that at the time). I had to wear the braces as a baby but it was caught early and that’s all I had to do. So the 2 symptoms and the history really had me scared.
Finally I got the call - Your x-rays were normal, you do not have DDH. You are perfectly fine and healthy and I am so relieved and so very thankful.
You amaze me every day. You amaze me with the things you do and you amaze me with the love you’ve brought into my life. I never in my life imagined how I could love anything the way I love you, and amazingly that love doubles every morning I wake up and see your smiling face. Just when I think I couldn’t possibly love any more, that my heart couldn’t be more full, I wake up and I do. I love the funny things to do, I love to watch you play. I love you, my little boy. Even when you’re getting into everything, or climbing the book cases, or throwing my laptop to the floor. I love you every second of every day, and I am so thankful that you’re in my life - here, happy, healthy.
As always I so look forward to what the next months will bring. Play dates and parties, pumpkin patches and Santa, trick or treats and turkey dinners, bed time books and lots of giggles. Oh how I love those little giggles and how I love those big belly laughs – they are truly intoxicating. Your smile still brightens a room, your laugh never fails to warm my heart. And everywhere you go you still bring smiles to the faces of everyone you meet. People still stop to meet you , to take in your smiles. And as always, I am so proud and so very thankful that you are my little boy.
I love you always,
Mommy
You’re 18 months old now and boy have we been busy! So much that I haven’t had time to write you (or anything really!) in quite some time. But 18 months warrants some time set aside from our day to write to you and as always, I’m wondering where the time has gone.
We’ve been so busy this summer – Daddy and I took you to the zoo for the first time back in May and you had a blast. Your favorite animal to see was the otter. It was a really wonderful day. We also had Swim lessons! You love the water so we knew you’d love the big pool and you did. We’d splash and sing and play… you loved to play humpty dumpty and practice kicking your feet. You love to run and jump and play, and you love to toss things in the pond in the backyard. You love your swing and ball pit, and you love your wagons. You love to play with your puppy, and you love your Mommy and Daddy. I love it when you run up to me and wrap your arms around my legs. I love you so very much.
Yesterday you had your 18month doctor checkup. You weigh 30.4lbs and are over 34 inches tall!! You’re going to be tall just like your Daddy. Everything went normal at first and I fully expected a routine appointment. Unfortunately, this appointment wasn’t. The doctor noticed a difference in skin fold on your left leg, and your knee looked lower than the other but it was hard to tell because you were squirming. Because of the 2 symptoms, the doctor wanted xrays done to test you for something called DDH (Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip). In infants this problem can usually be corrected with a brace, but by 18months, DDH requires extensive hip surgery, months of recovery, a scary cast… a terrible ordeal for any child to go through. You are such a vibrant little boy, you love to run and jump and climb and you are always on the go. I just couldn’t imagine this. I was devastated and I freaked out. Waiting for those xrays and waiting for the call after they were read had to be the longest 3 hours of my life.
While 2 symptoms is alarming… the family of ours who read this blog (and are old enough to remember) know what really sent my terror over the edge. I was born with DDH (though not called that at the time). I had to wear the braces as a baby but it was caught early and that’s all I had to do. So the 2 symptoms and the history really had me scared.
Finally I got the call - Your x-rays were normal, you do not have DDH. You are perfectly fine and healthy and I am so relieved and so very thankful.
You amaze me every day. You amaze me with the things you do and you amaze me with the love you’ve brought into my life. I never in my life imagined how I could love anything the way I love you, and amazingly that love doubles every morning I wake up and see your smiling face. Just when I think I couldn’t possibly love any more, that my heart couldn’t be more full, I wake up and I do. I love the funny things to do, I love to watch you play. I love you, my little boy. Even when you’re getting into everything, or climbing the book cases, or throwing my laptop to the floor. I love you every second of every day, and I am so thankful that you’re in my life - here, happy, healthy.
As always I so look forward to what the next months will bring. Play dates and parties, pumpkin patches and Santa, trick or treats and turkey dinners, bed time books and lots of giggles. Oh how I love those little giggles and how I love those big belly laughs – they are truly intoxicating. Your smile still brightens a room, your laugh never fails to warm my heart. And everywhere you go you still bring smiles to the faces of everyone you meet. People still stop to meet you , to take in your smiles. And as always, I am so proud and so very thankful that you are my little boy.
I love you always,
Mommy
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